


Honey I'm Home

by Darmys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Art, Comfortably Bisexual Dean Winchester, Domestic, Fluff, M/M, My First Fanfic, Pet Names, Roommates, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-10-20 13:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 55,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10663185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darmys/pseuds/Darmys
Summary: “Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.“I’m in the kitchen Darling.” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.Dean followed the sound of his voice. “Did you just call me Darling?”Castiel looked up from tying the garbage bag closed. “You called me Honey first.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dean_The_princess_Winchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dean_The_princess_Winchester/gifts).



> This is for Dean_The_princess_Winchester if it wasn't for you, this would never have been written.
> 
> * * *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.
> 
> “I’m in the kitchen Darling.” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.
> 
> Dean followed the sound of his voice. “Did you just call me Darling?”
> 
> Castiel looked up from tying the garbage bag closed. “You called me Honey first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Dean_The_princess_Winchester if it wasn't for you, this would never have been written.
> 
> This chapter was edited on the 23rd April, as I now have a fantastic Beta, he's gone through and fixed a buch of tense errors, and punctuation. Any remaining errors are still all my own, because I'm sneaky and got things past his eagle eyes.
> 
> The next chapter will go up on ANZAC Day 25th April, and I'm committing to Tuesday updates. Be aware I'm Australian and I'm talking about my Tuesdays, which may not be your Tuesdays
> 
> * * *

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m in the kitchen, Darling,” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.

Dean followed the sound of his voice, “did you just call me Darling?”

Castiel looked up from tying the garbage bag closed, “you called me Honey first.”

“Yeah, but that’s a line from Dinosaurs.” Dean cocked his hip against the wall.

Castiel tilted his head to the side. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Nah man that’s cool, don’t worry about it. So I’m going to continue unpacking my boxes. Thanks again for the pizza.” Dean headed to his new room. He’d been looking for a new place to live for a couple of months when he’d found Castiel’s listing for a roommate. Dean had followed Sam out to California and gotten himself a job at a local garage as a car mechanic. For the last six months, he’d been living in a backpacker’s hostel. Which was fun for the first month, but it had quickly lost its appeal and Dean had soon started referring to it as Hell.

So Dean had started the hunt for a place of his own, but had quickly learned that unless you were willing to live with roommates, rentals were much more expensive than he was willing to pay. Sure he’d found a few studios in his price range, he’d even seen a 1 bedroom place that he could afford if he was willing to live off rice and instant ramen. However, Dean really wanted somewhere where he could still eat red meat, and have space for whenever Sam needed to get away from his dorm. 

Eventually, he’d found Castiel’s listing, and they’d met to discuss Dean moving into his apartment. Cas had been up front with what he did and didn’t want from any potential roommates, during those interviews. What he didn’t need was help paying for any of the household costs. Cas had made that very clear, he was looking for the right person to share the apartment with, not just the first person who could share the bills. Cas explained that he came from a large family, and that he found living alone disconcerting. He wasn’t looking for a friend, but he did want someone that would be in the apartment most nights making normal noises.

Dean had agreed because after months of living in what he bluntly referred to as Hell, the idea of being able to stay in an evening, to get peace and quiet, had sounded pretty damn good. In addition, Cas was offering full room and board for less than some of the places he’d looked at. All Dean had to do, was agree to be in the apartment three to four nights a week. While Dean found Castiel to be very strange sometimes, he understood what the guy was saying. Cheap motel rooms and hostels weren’t known for their sound insulation, Dean had also grown up always being able to hear other people, even in a room by himself, he could usually hear someone nearby.

During the first week that Dean had moved in Castiel had been off in his bedroom doing who knows what. The door had been left open, so it couldn’t have been anything too personal, but Dean had pulled out his earbuds to watch a movie on his laptop. Castiel had come out not long after and complained that he wasn’t making any noise. He’d then opened the double doors on the wall unit, uncovering a large TV and dropped a couple of remotes onto the couch beside Dean before going back into his bedroom. 

Castiel was also always unfailingly polite; he’d make coffee every morning and inquire if Dean was going to be in that evening, if he was then Cas would cook dinner for them both. Dean very quickly started feeling guilty about that, and slowly took over cooking a couple of nights a week. Sam would often join them for dinner. He had a full ride at Stanford, but often complained about the quality of food in the cafeteria, so he came and ate with them at least once a week.

It was on one of these nights that Dean had realized that his and Cas’ relationship was different. 

It had started out innocently enough that very first night Dean had moved in. He’d called out “Honey, I’m home.” As he’d entered the apartment, and Cas had replied, “I’m in the kitchen, Darling.” It hadn’t meant anything, but it had become a habit. Whenever Dean got in, he’d call out “Honey, I’m Home.” And if Cas was home, he’d answer with “I’m in the lounge, Darling” or the kitchen, or wherever else he was at the time.

Dean also learned very quickly that Cas didn’t get sarcasm. He couldn’t remember what the conversation had been about but Dean had said something like “Listen here, Sweetheart.” And Cas had replied, “Of course, Precious, what did you want to tell me?” Dean had lost his train of thought, mumbled something and disappeared off into his bedroom.

The following weekend Dean had woken up before Cas and made coffee. When Cas came out of his room Dean had said, “morning, Sunshine, would you like a coffee?” and Cas had replied “Thank-you, Buttercup” before pouring himself a cup and sitting at the table.

Now words like Honey, Sweetheart and Sunshine didn’t really mean anything to Dean, they were just words, they weren’t the pet names he used in any of his relationships, one night stands or otherwise. They were just words that colored his language. But every time he used one of them with Cas, Cas would reply with a pet name of his own. Dean had tested it out one night, he’d started with his opening line of “Honey, I’m home” dropping his keys into the bowl on the side table next to the front door.

“I’m in the kitchen, Darling” Cas had called back.

Dean had walked around the corner to find Cas washing potatoes in the sink. There was a glass tray on the counter beside him with two steaks marinating. The other counter had two sheets of foil topped with baking paper. Cas finished with the sink and poked the potatoes all over with a fork before he wrapped them in bacon. Adding a pinch of pepper to each, he wrapped them in the paper, then the foil.

“Dinner looks great, Babe, is there anything I can help you with?” Dean rested his hip against the wall, the kitchen-dining-lounge area was all open plan, but there was only one access point into the kitchen area and Dean was standing in it.

“Can you check on the grill, Sweetie? Let me know if the coals are ready for the potatoes?” Cas hadn’t even looked at Dean as he’d spoken, instead, he’d turned his back to wash his hands in the sink. Dean headed out to the balcony, smiling ever so slightly. Cas’ inflection hadn’t even changed as he’d called Dean Sweetie. But then Dean hadn’t been changing his either so that didn’t mean anything.

The coals didn’t have any open flames on them and had a nice coating of white ash, perfect to start cooking with, “these look great, Cutiepie, can you bring me out a beer with the potatoes?” Dean called in through the door, then moved the coals around to create two nests for the potato parcels to sit in.

“Here you go, Gorgeous,” Cas set the foil parcels on the table beside the grill, then pulled a bottle opener from his pocket and flipped the lids off two bottles. Dean had been watching Cas closely as he spoke this time, not even a flicker. 

He placed the bundles into the coals and closed the lid before grabbing the offered bottle and taking a swig from it. “How long do you think we should give these before we start the meat, Sugar?” 

“They need an hour at least, Poppet. We could watch an episode of that space western show you want me to watch.” Cas walked back inside to set up the lounge room for TV watching. Dean smirked, there had been absolutely no change in Cas at all, as he spouted that last one. Dean wasn’t even sure that Cas knew he’d called Dean Poppet. This could be a fun night.

“It’s called Firefly, Sugar Plum and I can’t believe that you haven’t seen it yet.” 

“Sweet pea. Y… You say that about everything I haven’t watched.” Cas definitely stuttered after that one Dean noted, and his smirk morphed into a full smile. Within two weeks of Dean moving in he’d learned that Cas’ pop culture education was sadly lacking, and they’d started ‘Steak and Show Wednesdays’. Dean often talked Cas into staying out with him and Sam on other nights during the week when Sam came for dinner, and the three of them would watch a movie together. But Wednesday nights were devoted to binge-watching TV shows.

Cas faced him square on and Dean could see every line of dialogue that they’d exchanged tonight play out over Cas’ face. When he’d caught up, but before he could say anything more Dean continued their conversation as if nothing had happened. “Well Cupcake, if your education on the finer things in life wasn’t so lacking, I wouldn’t.” 

“I don’t know what,” Dean quirked his eyebrow at Cas, silently goading him to continue playing the game. Cas watched him, tilting his head to the side, then taking a deep breath seemed to rally. “you’re talking about, Lambkin.” Dean mouthed the word Lambkin back at him, and nodded. “TV shows, even your so called cult classics, have little to do with the masterpieces of Shakespeare or Chaucer.”

“Honey Bun,” Dean winked, “you wound me. Remind me that we need to watch Farscape after Firefly.” 

A small smile crept over Cas’ face, as he grew more confident in the game. As the night progressed they cooked, ate, and took showers all the while watching four episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Dean vetoed watching Firefly that night. He figured that ST:TNG was forgiving enough that if they spent the whole night talking during the episodes it wouldn’t harm Cas’ tutelage.

They worked their way through pretty standard pet names like Honey-bunch, Sweet-cheeks and Snickerdoodle which then took them down the path of Snookums, Cutie-Patootie and Tootsie-Wootsy. Without discussing it the game evolved into having the most serious discussions they could manage, debating how far transporters could move matter. Why is it always the transducer coils? Why hasn’t anyone come up with shielding for tachyon particles? All while using the most tooth rottingly sweet pet names for each other without laughing.

Smiles were fine, slapping the couch while holding your breath was ok; snorting was frowned on, and blinking back tears while fanning your face, was almost an admission of loss. By the end of the night, Dean’s ribs hurt from the sheer effort of will to not laugh and he wasn’t sure how many times they’d leaned into each other gasping for air. “Can’t breathe, Ducky, can’t breathe.”

They worked their way through a couple of seasons of ST:TNG playing the game, before realizing that their pet names for each other had invaded every part of their home life. They only became aware of it the fateful night that Dean had slipped up and called Cas ‘Cuddlepie’ in front of Sam. They hadn’t even noticed it themselves until Dean saw Sam’s eyes getting larger and larger looking back and forth between Dean and Cas.

“What’s your problem, Sam?” Dean asked.

“Since when do you call Cas, Cuddlepie? When did he start calling you, Snugglepot?” Sam darted his eyes from one to the other.

“What?” Dean shoved his chair back from the table.

“Uhmm, for a while now actually Sam,” Cas answered honestly. Dean shot daggers at him. “Well, we have.” Cas watched Dean walk into the kitchen, before turning his attention back to Sam. “The Game has been going on for months now. I think we’ve become desensitized to it.”

“What game?” Sam focused all of his attention on Cas, instantly coming to the conclusion that he’d get the most information from that source. Dean huffed and got a beer out of the fridge. He figured he was going to need a drink to get through this conversation. 

“We have a game that we’ve been playing. Outrageous pet names?” Cas tilted his head looking at Dean, “is that what you’d call it?”

“You don’t know what the game you’re playing is called?” Sam was starting to sound less confused, and more upset, and not in the tears kind of way, more in the explain-what-is-happening kind of way. Dean gave Cas a curt nod, then drained half of his beer.

“Well, we’ve never talked about it.” Cas shrugged

“You’re playing a game and you haven’t talked about it?” Sam was still talking to Cas, but his attention had fully shifted across the kitchen island to where Dean leaned against the opposite counter.

“Unwritten rules.” He emptied the bottle.

“Even so, we know the rules, we just didn’t need to write them down,” Cas agreed.

“And how do you play Outrageous Pet Names?” Sam was working up to one hell of a bitch-face.

“First one who laughs loses, Sammy. The rules are so easy that you don’t even have to talk about them.” Dean grabbed another beer out of the fridge.

“It’s very good for stress, Sam. It’s almost impossible not to feel happy when your best friend is talking about deflector dishes and calling you Angel-face.” Cas turned and smiled at Dean. Dean choked on his beer, and Sam questioned deflector dishes. “Well yes, that’s the other part of the game. We play it while watching Star Trek and have to maintain a serious conversation about whatever is happening in the episode.”

“But you’re not watching Star Trek now.” Sam was still bitch-facing at Dean.

“Well no, but I just got Dean to splutter his beer, so currently I’m in the lead.” A small amount of pride tinged Cas’ voice.

Dean jabbed his finger at Cas. “Don’t think I won’t get you back for that.” He faced Sam. “It’s harder to get outright laughter the longer we play, you gotta be sneaky Sam, catch him unawares when he’s least expecting it, if you want the big points.”

“So what counts as big points?” Sam rotated back to Cas, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Cas took a sideways glance at Dean, who shrugged and took a mouthful of beer. “Well anytime I can get Shnoodle Bum,” Dean choked on his beer, “to breathe in his beer I count it as a win.” 

Dean hoped that Sam would drop it after that, but the next time he’d visited he’d called Dean Shnoodle Bum, to which Dean had called Sam a Bitch, and Sam had responded, “Jerk.” That’s when Dean knew for sure that everything was ok with Sam. 

After Dean got back from driving Sam home, Cas rushed out of his room to catch Dean before he closed the bathroom door. “Dean, I.” Cas’ hand was gripping his left shoulder tightly. “I know it is something that you and Sam do.” Cas looked over Dean’s shoulder. Then he inhaled sharply and made eye contact. “But please, do not ever call me by a derogatory name.” His hand clenched tighter.

“Hey man. No! No, that’s something that me and Sam do.”

“Good, I do not find that type of language acceptable for terms of endearment,” Cas stated. 

“Cas, I wouldn't do that with you, it’s something I only do with Sammy.” Dean raised his right hand and clapped Cas on the shoulder twice. “Are we good man?”

Cas cocked his head to the side and after a moment murmured an agreement.

“Good, now come here.” Dean pulled Cas in for a quick hug. But what he didn’t take into account was that Cas was only dressed in his pajama pants and robe; because of how they’d been standing holding each other’s shoulders, Dean’s right hand moved up over the top of Cas left shoulder, his left hand slipped up under Cas right arm, sliding without notice into Cas’ open robe. Until the feel of his warm bare flesh engraves itself into Dean’s palm. 

Dean wanted to jolt away but knew that, if he did, he would hurt his friend, so he mentally counted down three seconds before pulling back. “Now, I need to take a shower. I’ll see you in the morning.” Dean stepped backward into the bathroom and closed the door. He leaned his head against it for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. Dean pushed away from the door, rubbing his thumb over his left hand. Cas’ skin had been velvety smooth, and he was surprisingly muscular. He shook his head, what the hell was he thinking? Cas was his friend, His best friend, and his roommate. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about how well Cas’ body had fit against his.

Dean stripped quickly, turned on the water in the shower stall, and stood under the first shock of cold water, rather than wait for it to warm up. What was he thinking? What was he thinking? Smooth warm skin, flat planes, and the dip in his back over his spine. Dean needed to think about something else, is what he needed to be thinking about. He groaned and turned the hot water off before it even got started.

The feel of Cas’ chin lightly resting on his shoulder, the smell of his hair. Dean shoved his head under the cold water, and replayed riding Sam to the ER on his handlebars with a broken arm. He grabbed the soap and made quick work of scrubbing down, the feel of Cas’ stubble catching slightly on his flannel. Dean got as much of his body under the cold spray as he could, before getting out and toweling off. Cas’ hair against his ear as he’d tilted his head in the quirky move he did when he was confused or upset. Dean reached for his sleepwear, which wasn’t there because he’d forgotten to grab any in his rush to separate from Cas. He wrapped his damp towel tightly around his hips and slowly opened the bathroom door, hoping to sneak into his room unseen.

“I’m making hot cocoa if you’re interested, Honey Bunny,” Cas called from the kitchen. 

“Ah, yeah, sure, I’ll be with you in a minute Cas.” Dean eyed the bathroom door like it had squeaked on purpose, and hurried into his room to dress. Normally he just slept in boxer briefs and an old t-shirt, he’d been walking around the apartment in just those both late at night, and in the mornings, ever since he’d moved in, but tonight he felt naked in his underwear, and he added a pair of sweatpants.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah, what?” Dean’s full attention was still on the trail Cas’ fingers had burned from one hip to the other.
> 
> * * *

  
  


Dean was standing at the sink, quickly washing the pots that they’d used to make dinner. Cas was at the stove finishing off the sauce he was making for the steaks. Their plates already had mashed potatoes, steamed snap peas and broccoli. It was Wednesday, steak and show night, or as Dean thought of it, the best night of the week.

After Sam’s little flip out last Thursday, and him making Dean and Cas talk about the cute names, Dean had been looking forward to tonight and really going to town with The Game. He was not going to let Monday’s hug incident ruin steak and show night, not considering that Cas hadn’t made any comments at all about it yesterday. Tonight Dean was going to just behave like nothing had happened and everything was going to be just fine.

“Careful, Cuddlebear, hot pan behind you.” Cas grazed his fingers across Dean’s lower back. He poured the sauce over the already plated steaks. “Do you want it over your potatoes as well?”

“Ah, what?” Dean’s full attention was still on the trail Cas’ fingers had burned from one hip to the other.

“Pan sauce, Doll-face,” Cas sounded amused, “do you want some on your potatoes?”

“Pan sauce on the tators sounds great, Little Dove.” Dean placed the last pot into the drainer and asked. “If you’re done with the frying pan, can I put it in the sink to soak?” Cas stepped up behind him, placed one hand in the middle of Dean’s back and reached around to place the pan in the sink. Dean twisted around and found himself face to face with Cas, so close that they were breathing each other’s air. “Personal space Cas.”

“Sorry, Dean.” Cas stood for a moment without moving before taking a step back. “I’ll grab the plates, can you bring drinks and cutlery, Pookiebear?”

Dean followed Cas out, knives and forks in one hand, a couple of bottles of beer in the other. Cas sat on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, Dean crossed his legs and lowered himself to the floor, their knees were touching, but Dean was positioned directly behind where Cas had set his plate. If he shuffled over, he’d need to move his plate as well. Would it draw more attention to the knee thing if he did that? Or should he just stay where he was and eat quickly? When had Dean become so aware of touching Cas? Of being touched by Cas?

They’d live together for a while now, they had sat exactly like this last week. Were they in constant contact last week? Did Dean just not notice? He is most certainly noticing now how Cas’ knee brushes his, back and forth as Cas moves. Cas’ knee pressing into his as he reaches for his beer, and again when he returns it to the table.

“Dean? Boo? Dean?” Cas dropped his open hand onto Dean’s knee, the same knee he’s been looking at since he sat down.

“Sorry Tootsie-pie” Dean mentally shook his head and dragged his gaze up to Cas’ face. “Did you say something?”

“You’re not eating, Pumpkin,” it was a statement because Dean had yet to touch his food.

“Sorry, Sweetiepie, it was a long day.” Dean cut into his steak and nodded to the TV, indicating that Cas should re-start their Star Trek marathon.

Their conversation picked up smoothly as they started season 5. Dean went to clear the plates part way through the first episode but Cas laid his hand on Dean’s knee. “Leave them, Peach Petal. They can wait until the end of this one.”

“Ok, Bunnykins.” Dean swallows, twice. Because they’re sitting with crossed legs, it feels like Cas’ hand is on his inner thigh. Dean starts discussing Romulans to distract himself as Cas had not removed his hand from Dean’s leg. Once the credits started rolling Dean sprang up grabbing the dishes and hustled into the kitchen. Five minutes to catch his breath away from Cas, that’s all he needed, just enough time to wash the dishes and to collect himself.

“Doodle-bug, I’m going to jump in the shower now, rather than later,” Cas called out from the bathroom door.

“I’ll hold off the next episode until you get back, Angel Cheeks.” Dean finishes up in the kitchen and changes into his sleepwear. Just like any normal Wednesday, there’s nothing going on, he should behave normally. Cas is in the shower, he’ll come out in his pajama bottoms and robe. They’ll sit on the couch, watch a couple of more episodes, then they’ll retire to their separate rooms for the night. Just like any other Wednesday. Dean stands in his bedroom looking at the door dressed in just his boxer briefs and t-shirt. Exactly what he wore last Wednesday, no big deal. He reaches over and grabs the sweatpants he put on, on Monday and draws them up his legs, letting them settle on his hips before heading back to the couch.

  


.oOo.

  
“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“We’re in the kitchen, Darling,” Castiel called out.

“You’re in late.” Sam was standing at the sink when Dean rounded the wall separating the kitchen from the entryway.

“Some guy came in right at the end of the day. I have no idea how he got his piece of shit Kia into the garage, it’s wrecked, fairly sure when I go back in tomorrow I’ll find it seized.” Dean maneuvered past both his brother and his roommate to the fridge. “Beer?” He asked them as he pulled out one for himself.

“Please. Can you take them out to the table?” Cas asked as he waited for Dean to move back past him and out of the kitchen before pulling a tray of bubbling lasagna out of the oven. Sam followed Cas out carrying a basket of warm garlic knots. They took their normal chairs at the already set table, Dean and Sam sitting on opposite sides with Cas at the head, while he cut squares of pasta and placed them on the plates.

Sitting Cas reached out and clapped both brothers on their shoulders. “Let’s eat.” Dean thought that Cas dug his fingers in a little, but the movement was perfectly in sync with Sam’s. Unless, Dean thinks, Cas is touching Sam as well.

Son, did the bad man touch you in your naughty places? Dean snorted, and Sam looked up from the salad bowl he’d been emptying onto his plate. Dean met his eyes “What?” He glanced at Cas and saw that he was looking at Dean as well. “Just something that Garth did at work today. It’s nothing. We should eat.”

Sam talked about his classes through the meal, Cas asked pertinent questions, and Dean shoveled food into his mouth. Normal Thursday night dinner, culminating in Sam and Dean doing dishes while Cas took his shower. Afterward, the three of them retired to the lounge room to watch a movie. Sam and Dean sharing the couch and Cas in the armchair. Same places they had sat since the first time the three of them had watched a movie together.

That first night Sam had visited, he’d tried to sit in the armchair, he had argued that he was the only one not contributing to the household, and Dean and Cas should take the couch as it was clearly the better option for watching a movie. Cas had refused and insisted that Sam and Dean should share the couch, he’d been forced to sit between two of his older brothers as a child to break them up. Which had never worked, they’d just fought over the top of him, or ganged up and attacked him. So on Mondays and Thursdays when Sam came over, he and Dean shared the couch, and Cas sat in the armchair.

At the end of the movie, Dean drove Sam back to his dorm and then used the drive home to think about Cas. Clearly, something has changed, hasn’t it? But is it Cas? Or is Dean being hyper aware and overreacting? The last two evenings have left him in a state of confusion, yesterday had seemed so intimate, tonight Cas had barely touched him, but then there hadn’t been any reason too. Reason or opportunity? Plus Sam had been there tonight, maybe that had tempered Cas’ actions?

Dean pulls into the underground garage and his allocated space and rests his head against Baby’s steering wheel. He doesn’t know what to think, that’s the only thing he’s sure about. But he’s enjoyed ~~living with~~ being roommates with Cas. Hell, he’s even started to think of Cas as his best friend, after Sam, but Sam’s his brother so…

Dean gets out of the Impala and walks to the elevator. He can do this, make a list of things he does know, and see what this all looks like when he takes a step back from it. Cas is his best friend. They get along great just as they are. Ok, they have a bit of a weird dynamic, but it’s not sexual, or it hadn’t been sexual. It’s not sexual. Ok, it’s _probably_ not sexual, not on Cas’ part anyway. They’re just two guys who ~~live together~~ share an apartment and who are friends.

When did Cas start touching him anyway? Was the hot pan really the first time? Or just the first time that he’d paid attention to Cas touching him? Nope Dean was not going to think about this. This was not a train of thought that was going to lead anywhere that Dean was happy to go. He got off the elevator and let himself into the apartment.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m already in bed, Darling.” Cas’ voice drifted across their home, honey over gravel, dark and sleepy.

Dean knocked his head into the wall beside him and muttered under his breath. “Fuck.

  


.oOo.

  
The feel of Cas’ fingers trailing across his belt line was not something that Dean thought about at all. It wasn’t on his mind as they had sat on the couch together to watch a movie, knees touching, hands nudging each other out of the way when they reached for more popcorn at the same time. It most certainly did not have him thinking about the feel of Cas’ skin under his hand all those weeks ago. Nope Dean was not thinking about any of those things. Not at all.

He was also not thinking about all the other times that Cas had casually touched him. Like when they were eating at the table and Cas got up to get something from the kitchen and he’d rest his hand on Dean’s shoulder-blade. Or how when Dean was grabbing a beer out of the fridge last night, and Cas had leaned in for one of his own, gripping Dean’s waist for balance. It was obviously his imagination that Cas had gently squeezed Dean’s hip as he’d stood up. Except that Dean wasn’t thinking about it, so he didn’t imagine it. Obviously, it just didn’t happen. Dean skimmed his hand over the area that Cas had definitely not squeezed. Nope, that couldn’t have happened.

Which is when the brake line, damaged when the car had been rear-ended gave way, shooting hydraulic fluid down Dean’s t-shirt and jeans. “Dammit!” Dean cursed, he knew he shouldn’t have gotten under the car after he’d already showered and changed. The car had been in a fender bender right in front of the garage after they’d closed for the day. The crew had all cleaned up and were standing in the workshop when it happened, so they’d all walked out to see if they could help. The first thing they had done was push the Saturn into their driveway. The SUV that had run into it didn’t even have a scratch on it, and its driver pulled over to the side of the road.

Dean had lost Rock-Paper-Scissors and had scooted under the car, laying down on the ground to have a quick look at the damage, and with his head not in the game, too busy not thinking about Cas’ hands, he’d not noticed the loosened break line or even the first two spurts of hydraulic fluid that had landed over his crotch and stomach. “Dammit!” He swore again as he’d pulled himself out from under the car. “Pull the door up. This isn’t going anywhere.” He jerked his thumb at the offending vehicle.

Bobby took one look at him and ordered him to go and change into a pair of fresh overalls. Bobby supplied coveralls for all of his employees and had a cleaning service that picked them up and returned them, it was some sort of tax write off for the business. Bobby didn’t pay the best wages to the mechanics that worked for him, but the added perks he did supply more than made up for it.

“You’re still going to come out for drinks right?” Garth asked when Dean exited the change room.

“Yeah, I’ll just duck home and get some clothes. Wait ‘til I get there to order food?” Dean waited for Garth to agree before he ducked his head into Bobby’s office to let him know he was leaving.

  


.oOo.

  
“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard. He wasn’t really expecting an answer, if Dean was honest with himself, and honestly when did he ever do that? Dean had no idea what Cas did on a Friday evening. Dean’s routine was to head out with the boys after work, starting at a bar just down the road from the garage, where they’d eat dinner and have a few beers, then depending on the night, maybe some pool, or he’d do a little bar hopping. Either way, Dean would pick up someone special in that We Only Have One Night kind of way. Then in the morning he’d make a fast getaway, and head back to the garage for his Saturday shift. He’d been doing the same thing ever since he’d been staying at the hostel. Dean couldn’t actually remember if he’d ever spent a Friday night at the apartment.

“Dean? What are you doing home?” Cas was sitting in the arm-chair with a book on his lap.

“I ended up with goop on me. I need to get these soaking,” Dean held up the garbage bag that he had shoved his clothes into to bring them home. “Then I’m going to get dressed in real clothes before I head out for drinks. What were your plans for the night?” He asked as he pulled a laundry bucket out from the linen cupboard. He sat it in the kitchen sink to fill.

“I’m spending the night with Little House on the Prairie.” Cas held up the book

“Isn’t that a chick-flick book?” Dean asked as he added a cup of detergent and his clothes to the oversized bucket.

“It’s Classic American Literature.” Cas looked down at the book his expression puzzled.

“You should come out with me,” Dean stated as he started pulling the two sides of the overalls he was wearing apart, the press studs parting one after the other.

“Dean?” Cas’ tone was indecipherable. “Are you wearing anything under that?”

Dean looked down at himself, only the last snap unpopped. “Uhmm, no. I guess not. Sorry,” he was so used to wearing clothes under his overalls he’d forgotten that he’d opted to come home commando. Dean headed for his bedroom to change. “But seriously Cas, you’ve got to let me rescue you from that book.” The last word almost cut off by the closing door.

Dean caught a flash of his adonis belt in his closet mirror and dropped his face into his hands. “Dammit Dean, stop making things weird.” He toed his boots off and shrugged letting the overalls pool around his ankles. He pulled fresh underwear on and his black jeans without any rips in them. He looks at his stack of band shirts but pulls out a forest green henley instead.

Cas was waiting by the door with his trench coat in hand when Dean came back out. “Have you eaten yet, Cas?” He shook his head. “Good, the guys are waiting for me to order. You should try the burgers at this place, they’re not as good as mine, but they’re good.” Dean is babbling, he knows he’s babbling, he knows he needs to just shut up. He grabs his keys and phone from the bowl and jacket off the hook by the door.

“Burgers sound great Dean. Do you have everything?” Cas asks, and when he nods, Cas motions for Dean to walk out the door first. “Should I get a taxi? I’m guessing that you won’t want to leave your car if we drink too much.” Cas isn’t looking at him, he’s busy locking the door after them and Dean doesn’t know what to say. Any other Friday his Baby would be locked up in the yard at Singer’s Auto, safe and sound for the night. But of course, he drove her home to change. Bobby would have locked the gates when he left, so Dean wouldn’t be able to park the Impala there.

“Yeah, that sounds great, Glitter Bug.” Dean’s so caught up thinking about having to trust someone else’s driving that he doesn’t notice that he’s used a pet name for Cas outside of the apartment. The pet name game may have been going on for months now, but this marks the first time the game has been played outside of the apartment. Cas places his hand in the center of Dean’s back and steers him towards the elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Dean was finding it harder and harder. He laughed to himself, oh yeah he was finding it hard alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to the Fox for editing this chapter for me. The previous two chapters were edited by #9 and I thank him dearly from the bottom of my heart for rescuing me in my time of need.
> 
> * * *

Dean started categorizing Cas’ touches. He still wasn’t sure when they first started, if they’d been happening before Dean became aware of them, or if that first touch over three months ago in the kitchen had been the first. But Dean now had a whole catalogue of touches that Cas used.

If they were in the kitchen Cas would trail his fingers from one of Dean’s hips to the other as he moved past. If Cas needed to lean down to get something he’d steady himself by gripping Dean’s hip. If they were sitting at the table Cas would reach over and grab his shoulder to get Dean’s attention, or his knee if they were seated on or in front of the couch. Walking anywhere involved Cas resting his hand in the middle of Dean’s back almost steering him. But none of the touching ever felt sexual. It wasn’t romantic, it just was.

Whatever it was, Dean was getting far too familiar with it happening. He’d started to anticipate it, and had even found himself arranging circumstances to encourage more of Cas’ attention. Cas had never given any indication that he was interested in Dean as anything but a platonic roommate, but Dean was finding it harder and harder. He laughed to himself, oh yeah he was finding it hard alright.

He let his hand drift down his body, lightly scraping his nails over his ribs, the palm of his hand skimming over his abdomen. The shampoo rinsed from his hand as he stepped into the shower stream and cringed as the sudden cold water burst over his groin. His other hand turned the hot water back on once things had died down.

“Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird,” he muttered to himself as he shoved his head under the still cool water and worked the suds from his hair. As the water temperature returned to its previous warmth, Dean made quick work of the rest of his body with a bar of soap. He dried quickly and dressed in the clothes he’d brought into the bathroom with him.

.oOo.

  


“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I am carrying you through the front door Darling,” Castiel replied from underneath Dean’s shoulder, before kicking said door closed behind them.

“Yes you are Snuggle Bunny.” Dean moved away from Cas so he could remove his jacket, with the intention of hanging it up on a hook by the door. But having let go of Cas he lost his ability to remain upright, and listed dangerously to the side.

Cas reached out and grabbed Dean by his belt loops. Dean leaned back slightly so his jacket could slide down his arms, but doing so caused his center of balance to change and Cas stepped forward to counteract the shift. Dean looked down his body to where Cas’ hips were barely touching his own, and blinked twice.

“You are very inebriated tonight Lemondrop,” Cas commented drolly.

Oo.oO

  


“Hey, is Cas joining us tonight?” Garth asked as they walked into The Roadhouse.

“Yeah he sent me a message earlier, he should already be here.” Dean headed straight to the bar. It had been a long week and he was looking forward that first Friday night drink. “Hey Jo, can I get a couple of Margiekugels and a shot of whiskey?” Dean downed the whiskey while he waited for the others to get their drinks

They found Cas standing at a small bar table. “Hello Dean.” He nodded to the others in acknowledgment. “I was hoping to get a booth, but they were all taken when I arrived.”

“This is fine Cas.” Bobby told him, before continuing his argument with Benny over the car that had been dropped off that afternoon.

“How was your day Cas?” Dean turned his full attention to his roommate, handing him the second beer.

“It was very difficult. Gabriel came into work today, and decided to sit in my office for the afternoon.” Cas looked frazzled as he took a sip. “I was not able to get much work done with him there. How was your day?”

The early part of the night had passed with the usual easy banter between all of the men, up until the burgers they’d ordered for dinner arrived. It took a bit of maneuvering to fit all five food baskets plus their drinks on the chest high round table they were standing at. They’d had to stand shoulder to shoulder to eat.

Cas had bumped into Dean while reaching for his beer, so Dean had hip checked him back. Cas had narrowed his eyes and done that head tilt thing that Dean wouldn’t admit even to himself he found adorable.

Dean had felt a tingle run through his body as he realized he’d inadvertently started some rough play. He tried to subtly shake his head and mouth ‘sorry’, but it was too late. Cas was already in motion, his elbow connecting with Dean’s ribs. Dean stumbled slightly right into Garth and that, as they say, was that.

Garth pushed back, pin-balling Dean into Cas and it all escalated from there. Hips, shoulders and elbows all saw action as the three tried to get the upper hand all while trying not to pull any attention to themselves, or risk being yelled at by the bar’s owner Ellen.

Benny, standing the other side of Cas from Dean, just stood back and rolled his eyes, warning Dean not to even think of involving him in their little squabble. So Dean did the inconceivable and shoved Garth into Bobby instead. It was like watching a wave crash over a rock. All that could be seen was Garth’s long limbs everywhere, but as he fell to the floor Bobby stood resolutely, a steadfast and immovable object, glowering at Dean. “Idjits.”

Dean apologized immediately and helped Garth to his feet. They stood meekly and finished their burgers under Bobby’s watchful eye until he finished the last mouthful of his bottle and laid it in the basket in front of him. “All right, I’m heading off. Garth you should be off too, get yourself home to Bess.” He headed off to the bar to talk to Ellen and pay his bill.

Once he’d left, Garth had burst out laughing. “You guys!” he said as he pulled Dean and Cas into a bear hug. “I’m going to take these over for Jo, see you all on Monday.” Garth gathered the empty baskets and carried them off.

Which was about when Dean had realized that Cas still had his arm around his waist, hand rested on his hip. Dean had almost leaned into the embrace when he’d spotted Benny looking at them, so he’d stepped towards to table and picked up his beer. Unfortunately there had been less than a mouthful left, so he’d asked the others if they wanted a refill and headed to the bar without waiting for their answers.  
He’d ordered three shots of whisky from Jo, with beer chasers, but when it came time to take them back, Dean had trouble balancing three shots in one hand. Okay, that’s a lie; he just decided Cas probably wouldn’t want a shot of whisky, so he drank that one himself. Then thinking about it more, he also decided Benny probably didn’t want one either, so he drank that one too. Then it just seemed rude to carry only one shot back for himself, so Dean had politely left all three shot glasses empty on the bar.

“Here you go.” He placed two of the beers on the table, keeping the third for himself and swallowed half of it in the first gulp.

The next two or three hours passed in a blur. Dean remembered clearly dragging Cas and Benny over to the pool tables after Benny kept looking at him oddly whenever Cas would touch him. He was also fairly sure he made too many trips to the bar.

“So what’s going on with you and Cas?” Benny asked, surprising him at the bar.

“What do you mean?” Dean carefully placed the empty shot glass down.

“Well he’s been coming along for drinks for a while now and to put it bluntly, you haven’t even tried to pick up anyone since he did.” Benny picked up a bottle and walked beside Dean back to the pool tables

“Since when have you been so interested in my sex life?” Dean tried to deflect the question, because Benny was correct. Since that very first time, Dean had gone home with Cas every Friday night. Not that they went home together, well they did go home together, but to their own separate bedrooms. They were roommates, they shared an apartment and it made sense to share a taxi. It didn’t mean anything.

It didn’t. _~Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird.~_ Dean stopped walking; he wanted this conversation over and done with long before they got back to Cas.

“I thought we were friends, brother? I told you about Andrea, I told you about her the day after we met. I just thought you’d talk to me about Cas.”

“There’s nothing to tell Benny. Cas and I are just roommates, just friends nothing more.” Dean was nervous and twitchy and he didn’t know why. “Hell the guy may even be my best friend, no offence, but that’s it.”

“Is that so? Do you mind telling me what just happened at the pool table then?”

“I was helping Cas, showing him how to make the shot.” Dean was thankful for the dim lighting as he felt his cheeks grow warm.

“Brother, the last time I saw you be that helpful at a pool table, you left with the girl.” Benny stepped in front of Dean, forcing eye contact. “You know I’m right, it’s why you left supposedly to buy these.” Benny smirked as he took a swig of his beer. “Or did you forget that Cas’d just brought a fresh round and they’re sitting untouched?”

Dean thrust the two beers he was carrying at Benny’s chest. “Take these back for me, I need the john.” He walked away without checking if Benny had hold of them.

Back at the bar Dean tried to flag Jo over but Ellen stepped in front of him instead. “Hitting it pretty heavy tonight aren’t you Dean?”

“Not you as well? I’m not hitting on him, we’re just friends! Why is everyone starting shit tonight?”

“Dean, I was talking about the alcohol. Who are you talking about?” Ellen gave him one of her knowing looks.

“No one, gimme another shot,” Dean had sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Last one for the night, promise.”

Ellen placed a tumbler in front of him and poured a couple of generous fingers into it. “That one is on the house; now go figure out whatever has you so twisted up.” Dean saluted her with the glass then tossed back the contents in two large swallows. He then meandered his way back to the pool tables.

.oOo.

  


“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I am carrying you through the front door Darling,” Castiel answered as he closed the door behind them. He’d needed to use his foot to do so as his arms were currently full of an extraordinarily intoxicated Dean.

“Yes you are Snuggle Bunny.” Dean tilted away from Cas to remove his jacket, but lost his balance as he shrugged the leather off his shoulders to slide down his arms.

Cas grabbed hold of him, curling his fingers into Dean’s belt loops, preventing him from falling, but stumbling slightly with the effort. Dean’s head fell forward, his chin resting on his chest for a moment, slowly looking back up and meeting Cas’ eyes. Even though they weren’t touching, they were so close that Dean could feel the heat from Cas’ body.

“You are very inebriated tonight Lemondrop.” Cas’ lips stole all of Dean’s attention, and he wondered how they would feel against his own.

“Cas.”

“Yes Dean?”

“I...” He stopped to take a deep breath. “I think I’m going to be sick.” He’d never felt more sober while drunk in his life and he needed to get away from Cas right now, before he did something. Dean stepped back from his roommate and raced to the bathroom, taking the time to lock that door behind him.

“Dean, are you okay?” Dean could hear Cas trying to open the door. “Dean, why did you lock the door?” The handle rattled again.

“Give me a minute Cas.” Dean stepped over to the toilet and flushed it.

“Dean? Can you let me in now?” The handle continued to rattle.

“Just a minute.” Dean called out, running the sinks taps and splashing water over his face. He leaned forward and whispered to himself softly. “Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird.” He pressed his forehead to the mirror, until all he could see was the reflection of his own eyes.

“Dean, you need to open this door now. I need to check on you.” Cas’ voice, so filled with worry previously, turned commanding.

“Yeah, yeah just…” Dean splashed more water over his face and turned the water off. He pulled a towel off the rack and twisted the lock and pulled the door open, burying his face in the towel, not wanting to look at Cas right away.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice was pitched low, soft and full of concern. Dean lowered the towel, it really wasn’t a very good barrier and once he was dry there was no reason to keep it up in front of his face. Cas reached up and cupped his left hand to Dean’s cheek, running the fingers of his right hand up into Dean’s hair, smoothing the damp fringe up and back. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

“Yeah Cas ‘m fine. Better out than in, right?” He tried to joke, but he found himself in as intimate a position as he’d just left. Cas ran his fingers back through Dean’s hair, lightly scratching the back of Dean’s neck with his fingernails. His hand running down to grip and squeeze Dean’s shoulder, before drifting down and catching his hand. Only releasing Dean’s cheek with his left hand as Cas pulled him toward the kitchen by the hand.

“Let me get you some water. Dehydration is not going to be your friend in the morning Hot-Stuff.” Cas pulled two large glasses from the cupboard and filled them both. He handed one to Dean and drank from the second himself. He then pulled out the box of Advil and handed Dean two, refilling both their glasses. “Do you need help getting to bed?”

“Nah ’m good Kitten.” Dean slipped off the bar stool and, carrying his water, left for his bedroom. He carefully placed the glass on his night table, then peeled off both his flannel and t-shirt. He was bending over shucking his jeans when he heard Cas apologize from his doorway.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to...” Cas’ voice drifted off. Dean shot upright, and spun around. His jeans still pooling around his calves tangled his legs and Cas rushed forward catching him before he could fall. “I was bringing you a bucket.” Cas breath was hot against Dean’s ear.

“Thanks man.” Dean tried to get his legs back under himself, but Cas pulled him upright and walked him backwards until Dean felt his bed behind him. Cas lowered him into a sitting position then knelt down and gently removed Dean’s jeans and socks, before lifting the covers and gesturing for Dean to lie down. Cas stepped back to the door and picked up the bucket he’d dropped when he’d lunged to catch Dean, placing it beside the bed.

“Good night Beautiful.” Cas switched off the bedside lamp and left the room.

Dean pulled his pillow over his head and groaned into it. “This can’t be just me.” He reached down to adjust himself, but quickly removed his hand when Little Dean showed interest in things that Dean knew he was too drunk to finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remain heartbroken that I deleted the following line of dialogue. It was the right thing to do, but damn.
> 
> “You hitched his leg up onto the table edge and draped yourself across his back. I’ve seen pornos with less creative positions.” Benny waved his hand towards the wall, and the cue racks lined up there. “You could have shown him how to use a bridge.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lovebug, are you awake?” Cas tapped on Dean’s door causing it to open further. “I have breakfast ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to the Fox for editing and for coming out to the zoo today.
> 
> * * *

Dean woke to the smell of bacon cooking. He sat up slowly, expecting his head to start thumping at any moment. He’d drunk way too much the night before, but apparently not enough to forget his actions. He reached for the glass on his bedside table, only to find it full. He was sure he drained it last night. He mentally shrugged, hoping no marching bands or workmen with jackhammers were about to take up residence in his head.

He drank the water slowly and checked the time. He had an hour before his shift started at Bobby’s, which would give him enough time to have a quick shower and walk over there. Normally he’d catch a bus, but he’d spent so much money last night that he’d need to save every penny he could for the next couple of weeks. 

“Lovebug, are you awake?” Cas tapped on Dean’s door causing it to open further. “I have breakfast ready.” 

“Thanks Sugar Bun, but I don’t really have time, I need to get going or I’ll be late.” Dean scrubbed his face with his hands, still trying to work out why he didn’t feel worse than he did. 

“I’m heading into the office and can give you lift, so you have plenty of time to eat and shower.” Cas turned and walked back towards the kitchen. “Come on Gumdrop, breakfast is getting cold.”

Dean stood and swayed for a moment. Yep, definitely hungover. But not as bad as he thought he should be. He made his way to the kitchen after a quick detour via the bathroom. Waiting for him on the table was a plate. Two fresh croissants split open and filled with bacon and soft, fluffy scrambled eggs. Beside the plate was a bottle of Sriracha, a cup of black coffee gently steaming and a large glass of juice.

Cas was already eating when Dean sat at the table. “What’s in the juice? It doesn’t look normal.” Dean picked up the coffee and sipped it, allowing its dark bitterness to slowly infuse his soul.

Cas rolled his eyes, picked up his own glass of juice and took several mouthfuls. Dean watched his throat muscles move as he swallowed, moving slightly in his seat. “It has orange, grapefruit, a hit of both lemon and lime, along with some cantaloupe. It should help with your hangover. That coffee you are drinking will not, but the last thing you need is caffeine withdrawals. You should eat.”

Dean picked up one of the croissants like it was a burger, but before he could bite into it Cas indicated he should add hot sauce to it. “As much, maybe even a little bit more than you think you can handle Blossom.” 

Dean doubted sweating out a hangover was an effective strategy, but Cas argued even if it was an old-wives tale, the memory of burning one’s mouth with Sriracha was an effective deterrent from heavy drinking in the future. In the end Dean agreed to add a hellish amount to his first breakfast roll, but left the second one chili free. He also accepted a second small glass of straight cantaloupe juice to calm the fires. 

“Ok Sugar Britches let me go shower and get dressed and I’ll be ready to go.” Dean stacked his dishes in the dishwasher and headed off to the shower.

“Watch the time Apricot, we only have about 30 minutes before you need to be at work.”

“Fast shower, I’m on it Baby Cakes.” Dean closed the bathroom door and made quick work of his morning routine.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean’s morning passed quickly. Luckily it was Benny’s day off so he did not need to deal with that crap, just Garth’s enthusiasm. But Dean had buried his head in a string of engines all morning and now he was clocked off and headed home. 

Driving usually cleared his mind but the stop and start of hitting red lights this trip was giving him the time to think things he’d rather avoid. Benny was right. Dean hadn’t picked up anyone for months, his life had fallen into a routine and he hadn’t noticed it happening. Monday night, Sam came over and they all had dinner together, Tuesdays were spent at the local theatre watching a cheap movie. Wednesday was still “Steak and Show” nights, and they had finished Next Gen and watched Firefly, twice, back to back, for reasons. Thursday nights saw Sam over for dinner, and Fridays was The Roadhouse with the guys, which had included Cas for months now. 

Saturdays were spent with either one or the other and normally both of them working, but the last time they’d shared a Saturday off they’d hijacked Sam and gone to the park to throw a football. The one before that they’d gone to a street festival. Next week, Dean planned to surprise Sam with a shopping trip to buy him a new laptop. Cas was helping run interference on the true plans by distracting Sam with talk of seeing some Star Wars marathon the local independent theatre was running all month. Which left Sundays. Lazy Sundays sharing a newspaper over brunch, doing The Times Crossword together, afternoons at the markets because both Sam and Cas had a thing for fresh and organic. Even Dean admitted he liked buying meat from the travelling butcher Alfie who would show you pictures of the cows you were buying, since he sourced his product directly from small hobby farmers who treated their stock well.

Dean pulled into his parking space. As soon as he’d found out that he could independently rent an undercover secure parking spot in Cas’ building he’d indulged in one for his Baby. He turned the engine off and dropped his head to the steering wheel. 

“Am I dating Cas?” he asked himself. He sighed and got out of the car and caught the elevator up to their level. 

“Am I _dating_ Cas?” The doors opened and let him out. He walked down the corridor to their door, his keys loose in his hand. 

“Am _I_ dating _Cas_?” He took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m in the kitchen Darling.” Castiel replied.

Dean hung his coat and looked into the mirror above the sideboard. _~I’m dating Cas.~_ He thought to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was this a new thing that he hadn’t noticed he’d been doing? Get flustered, run to the bathroom and lock the door? “Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird,” he whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited by the beautiful Fox.
> 
> * * *

Dean stood staring into the mirror. _~When did that happen? Why didn’t I notice?~_ He drew in a sharp breath. _~Has Cas noticed?~_

“Lamb chop?” Cas entered the foyer. “Is something the matter?”

Dean turned to Cas, meeting his eyes briefly before looking down at his lips. He thought about kissing Cas, about saying hello properly. He thought about walking Cas backwards into a wall, of slotting his knee between Cas’ legs, pinning him there with his hips. Of pressing his hands against the wall either side of Cas’ face, boxing him in. Leaning forward until they were pressed together from hip to shoulder, running his nose and lips from Cas’ collarbone up to behind his ear, breathing in Cas’ scent. Whispering “Hello” and nibbling at the bolt of Cas’ jaw. Rasping his stubble over Cas’ five o’clock shadow. Hesitating, lips barely touching lips.

“Dean?” Cas tilted his head to the side, exposing the line of his throat.

“Sorry? What?” Dean subtly shifted his stance.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” _~Eyes, Dean, look at his eyes, stop looking at his lips~_ Dean’s gaze dropped downward for the briefest of moments. _~Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird.~_

“You are standing next to the front door.”

“I just got home Sweet-thing,” Dean shrugged noncommittally.

“You got home five minutes ago, Button. You are still standing at the front door.” Cas stepped forward and cupped Dean’s cheek.

It was so reminiscent of the previous night that Dean looked down at Cas’ right hand, waiting for it to reach up, for Cas to thread his fingers into his hair. Dean knew that if he did, Dean would lean forward and kiss him this time. Softly, a mere brushing of his lips over Cas’, an invitation for more. But Cas’ right hand wasn’t moving, it stayed stationary. Dean looked up, catching Cas’ eyes. _~What if he doesn’t think we’re dating?~_ The thought was a bucket of cold water over his heart. “It’s been a long day.” Dean moved past Cas and into the apartment. “I need to go clean up.” He didn’t look back as he walked away.

In his room he gathered clothes to put on after his shower, old jeans and his favorite Zeppelin t-shirt, and decided he needed to do laundry today. That would get him out of the place for a while if he stripped the bed and washed all of his towels as well. He didn’t strictly need to do those. Cas paid a cleaning service to come in on Mondays who did everything from dusting and mopping to stripping the beds and even running the cleaning cycle on the coffee machine. But Dean still needed to wash his own clothes, and that was going to get him out of here, right after he had a cold shower.

He quick stepped from his room to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Dean tried to count the number of times he’d used this room as a quick exit strategy, definitely both last night and today. Had he been doing it before that? Was this a new thing that he hadn’t noticed he’d been doing? Get flustered, run to the bathroom and lock the door? “Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird,” he whispered to himself as he stripped his clothes off and entered the shower stall.

 

 

.oOo.

 

Dean spent the afternoon in the building’s laundry room. He could have been in and out in two hours if he’d used a different washing machine for each of his loads, but he’d just stuck to the one washer. If asked, he’d have said that he was being polite, but really he was trying to waste as much time as he could.

He needed a plan, because it had become very obvious to him over the last 24 hours that maybe, quite possibly, it seemed likely, it seemed _very_ likely, that he was interested in Castiel. Maybe, probably, in all likelihood, as more than just his roommate and best friend. In fact the more that he sat and thought about it, the more evidence he found to suggest that they were in a relationship. Not just a relationship, but A Relationship.

Dean had never been in a _Relationship_ before. He’d dated sure, but nothing longer than a few weeks at most, never anything long term. Dean had never lived with someone before. Okay, so he and Cas weren’t _living together_ living together, but they did live together. He sighed. This whole situation was giving him a headache. What was worse was, no matter the proof he thought he had, he didn’t know. This could all be in his head. He needed to talk to Cas about it, and that wasn’t going to happen.

What if...? Dean didn’t even know how to finish that thought. What if? There were so many questions. But what were the important ones? Dean took a deep breath as he pulled his towels out of the dryer and replaced them with his sheets. He matched the corners of the towels perfectly to each other as he folded, letting the routine clear his mind.

What if he talked to Cas and he agreed they were dating? What if he didn’t? What if Dean asked, and Cas answered, but Dean really wanted the other answer? Which answer did Dean even want?

Up until now, Dean had lived by two simple rules: 1 - Never ask a question if you don’t already know what the answer is going to be and 2 - never ask a question if you don’t like what the answer is going to be. They were the reason that Dean had never been in a relationship. You can’t be hurt if you don’t put yourself on the firing line.

The absence of sound as the dryer finished its cycle wrenched Dean from his thoughts. He pulled his last load of washing onto the folding table and mentally went through all the evidence he had collated.

Pet names: Okay, he knew those didn’t mean anything, they were The Game. Okay, so they didn’t really play for points anymore, and they tended to use pet names whenever they were alone together, pet names were just a habit now. But...! But they only seemed to use them when they were alone, or with Sam. They didn’t Pookiebear at The Roadhouse, and they certainly didn’t have a singular pet name that they used for each other. Part of The Game had always been using a new endearment each time.

Touching: Yes, Cas touched Dean. There was no denying that. But every touch could be explained away, couldn’t it? All of the touching was platonic anyway. Well, none of it had been sexual. It was all very innocent. Innocent and becoming more and more frequent. Also not restricted to private moments either, there was full on innocent, frequent, public touching. That’s what had started all this the other night with Benny.

That wasn’t true. Cas had been touching Dean in public since that first night Dean had brought him to Friday night drinks. Benny only started asking questions after Dean had started touching Cas. Because Dean’s touches last night, they hadn’t been so innocent. The memory of standing behind Cas discussing options at the pool table, they weren’t touching. You could have slipped a sheet of paper between them, even two sheets of paper, but definitely not three. Then as Dean had been standing there with his chin on Cas shoulder, pointing at various shots that could be taken, Cas had leaned back to talk into Dean’s ear. Their bodies had come into contact from shoulder to knee, and Dean had dropped his hands to Cas’ hips, just for a moment, just long enough for Cas to have made a small gasping noise, just an instance in time burned indelibly into Dean’s memory. The sound of Cas’ breath hitching, the tiny canting of his hips, the realization of what he was doing as he subtly pulled Cas back onto his body. That panic filled flash, as Dean wanted to groan and bury himself in the crook of Cas’ neck, and seeing Benny watching them.

Yeah, there was a reason Dean had rushed off to the bar, a reason Benny had followed. Dean dropped his head onto the fitted sheet he’d just folded and placed on the top of his washing basket. Last night Cas’ touching had taken an intimate turn, and again today, but they’d both occurred after Dean’s touchiness at the bar. He was now betting that he’d started all of it. He hadn’t realized it, but Dean had taken the lead in their relationship. He’d started the pet names, more than likely he’d been the first one to touch Cas.

No strike that, he _had_ been the first one to initiate physical contact. The very first time they’d met, he’d held his hand out and Cas had done his weird head tilt before shaking hands with Dean. The second time they’d met, Cas had stood and thrust his hand out before Dean had even reached the café table. Dean had asked if Cas wanted to watch the movie with him when Cas had come out of his room for a drink and Dean had been putting the disc into the machine. Dean had invited Cas to join him and Sam for dinner that first Monday Sam had come over after classes. Steak and Show night had been Dean’s idea.

Every new step, every escalation so far had been Dean. Surprisingly, or maybe not, this made Dean feel a whole lot better about the situation. He may not have recognized what was happening, but he’d apparently been in control of it. He picked up the basket and headed upstairs.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“Dean?” Cas jumped up from the couch and hurried over to the entryway.

“Who else were you expecting Angel?” Dean grinned as he slung an arm over Cas’ shoulders and walked into the apartment. His smile broadened as Cas’ arm came up to rest across his back.

“No one. I am worried about you. Your demeanor has been abnormal today.” Cas stopped walking, his fingers digging into Dean’s waist.

Dean pulled Cas around into an awkward one armed hug, as he was still carrying his washing propped against his hip. Dean knocked his head against Cas’ and whispered into his ear. “I know Honey-pie, let me make it up to you.” Dean was already planning on how to get Cas on the couch and in his arms for the night. He nuzzled softly, breathing in the scent of Cas’ shampoo, thoughts of doing this tonight while he had both of his hands free was spreading a certain kind of warmth through Dean’s body. He knew he needed to move away from Cas while he still could, before anything embarrassing popped up. “We’ll order in from that Nepalese place that you love, get all the momos that we can eat. We can curl up on the couch together and watch some David Attenborough. Just let me put this stuff away first.” His lips brushed a faintly against Cas’ temple as Dean took a step back.

It wasn’t until the sight of Cas reaching up to touch his temple as he turned to walk away that Dean realized he’d effectively just kissed Cas for the first time. He held himself together until he was in his room before slapping his palm to his forehead. “Damnit Dean!” he murmured to himself, not wanting Cas to hear him freak out. “Stop making things weird.” He rubbed his hand down his face. His very first kiss with Cas and it was some random peck to the forehead. He was ashamed of himself. He should have made sure that their first kiss had been some sweeping romantic gesture, something to make their guests cry, when Sam described it during his speech.

“Damnit Dean!” he growled. Where the hell had that thought come from?

“Strawberry?” Dean could hear Cas moving through the apartment towards him.

“Stop making things weird,” he scolded himself in the mirror before meeting Cas in the doorway. “Caught my thumb in a drawer, Baby-doll.” He waved a hand vaguely. “It didn’t even hurt, just surprised me is all. Have you placed our usual order yet?” Dean hoped to distract Cas with questions. “If not could you re-add the Samosas? You were right last time; I did miss not having them.”

“Yes, I can do that.” Cas looked so worried, Dean was fighting the urge to pull Cas into his arms and kiss him breathless. “If you are sure you are okay.”

“ ’m fine Sweet-stuff, I’ll be out soon, go order the food.” Dean pushed Cas gently out of the doorway and back towards his laptop. He quickly put everything away, but was delayed by the fact that he hadn’t remade his bed when he’d stripped the sheets that afternoon. If tonight went well, he’d want sheets on his bed when they stumbled in here. So he took the extra time to put his best sheets on, tucking perfect military corners. He threw his patch work quilt over the bed and laid one of his two soft throw rugs over the top of that. Something he could remove easily if it got messed up.

At the last moment he checked his top drawer to see what his supply situation was like. He’d never brought anyone home to the apartment, so he’d only ever used his drawer as a stocking station. But he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d tucked a row of condoms into his wallet before heading to work on a Friday morning. There was more than half a box in there, but the tube of lube that he did use regularly at home had less than a third remaining. He made a mental note to pick up a new bottle tomorrow. Cas deserved only the best.

He chuckled at his arrogance as he left his room. He didn’t even know if Cas would want to come back to his room tonight. They’d been dating for months now and besides the earlier brush of his lips over the delicate skin of Cas’ brow, they hadn’t even kissed. Dean would just be happy if he could get Cas to snuggle in his arms while they watched whichever documentary he’d picked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written on a Saturday night. I was at home alone, drinking wine and eating momos, kicking myself because I really should have gotten the samosas as well. When I get them, they're too much, when I don't get them I miss them.
> 
> Also heads up:   
> I added to the tags.   
> I also edited the first chapter and removed Sons of Anarchy and replaced it with Farscape. I started thinking about when in time the fic would be set, and it's basically around 2002. So while I lose the awesome Shakespeare/SOA... Farscape ran from 1999 to 2003 and I'll get to "My side, your side."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean needed to kiss Cas properly tonight. He just needed to work out how to make it memorable.
> 
> A first kiss. A first kiss to remember.
> 
> * * *

Dean looked down at Cas. It had taken three episodes of ‘Life on Earth: A Natural History by David Attenborough’ but Dean had Cas curled up on the couch with him. Dean’s arm across Cas’ shoulders, his fingers trailing lazy circles over Cas’ bicep, but it still wasn’t enough. He felt like he had months to make up for, but first he needed to work out what he was going to do for their first kiss. The earlier brush of his lips over Cas temple could not be it. Dean needed to kiss Cas properly tonight. He just needed to work out how to make it memorable.

A first kiss. A first kiss to remember. This wasn’t one of the guys (or girls) he’d randomly hook up with at a bar that he’d hopefully never see again, this was Cas. Castiel. The man that he’d been living with for nearly a year, dating for almost as long. Someone he could see himself spending a lot more years to come with. Not that he’s thinking about matching rocking chairs on a porch, that’s just silly, they haven’t even kissed yet. But the more he thinks about being with Cas, the more it feels right.

“Dean, Poopsy, I think I’m getting too tired to watch any more tonight.” Cas arched his body first one way, stretching his sternum, then the other, curving his spine up and away from Dean.

“But it’s still early and we haven’t watched your favorite yet.” Dean interjected quickly. “The Swarming Hordes is next. Why don’t we grab some pillows and lie down on the couch. If you fall asleep I’ll wake you up. Just one more?” Dean wasn’t happy about the pleading tone that had crept into his voice at the end.

“Ok, Peaches, one more. I’ll make hot chocolate, you grab pillows from my bed.” Castiel was already up and moving towards the kitchen. Dean got up and walked into Cas’ bedroom. He’d never been in it before, he stood in the door, and had a good look around. He was surprised to note that it was an almost perfect mirror image of his own room. The room itself was only slightly larger and the furniture was exactly the same. Dean grabbed two pillows off of the bed and headed back to the sofa.

He plumped them up and sat them both at his end. He walked into his own bedroom and removed his second throw from the end of his bed. Dean fussed with the minky blanket spreading it out, then changing his mind and tossing it over the back of the couch. Catching himself standing behind the sofa, pleating the blanket, he left it alone and followed Cas into the kitchen.

Cas was just adding marshmallows to their mugs when Dean walked up behind him. He moved into Cas personal space, resting his chin on Cas’ shoulder. Spotting a packet of Samoas he asked. “Do you want help carrying anything out?” 

“If you could take your own mug that would be great.” Cas picked up one of the mugs and the box of Samoas. He turned into Dean and kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s get back to The Swarming Hordes.” He sidestepped around the stunned Dean and left the kitchen.

Dean stood frozen, Cas had just kissed him. On the cheek, to be sure, but it was a kiss. It was their first real kiss. Given in the kitchen over mugs of hot chocolate and Samoas cookies. This was not part of the plan that Dean still didn’t have yet. Their first kiss was meant to be some big gesture, not something so mundane. Dean picked up his mug and headed back to the couch. 

Cas was sitting crossed legged on the couch in his usual spot, the cookies and his mug on the coffee table. “I thought we would lie down after we finish our drinks. If that is okay?” He smiled up at Dean. “I do not want to spill any chocolate trying to drink while lying down.”

“Uh yeah, right, that makes sense.” Dean sat, mirroring Cas’ pose, their knees brushing just like normal. He sipped his drink and grabbed the remote, starting the next episode. He replaced the remote on the table and took a cookie. “Hey Cas, how do you still have Girl Scout cookies?” It had been months since they’d been for sale, Dean hadn’t expected to be eating any for many more months to come.

“I stock up when they’re for sale. I have several co-workers who have daughters who fundraise, and I order from all of them.” Cas touched his knee and pointed to the screen. “The opening credits are almost over.”

Dean took the hint and stopped talking, instead his thoughts ran around and around in his own head. He eventually decided that a kiss on the cheek did not in fact count as a first kiss. Only lip on lip action would count. So he did still have time to plan his big significant first kiss. Maybe tomorrow while they were out at the farmers market. Dean could sweep Cas up into his arms in front of a flower stall and kiss him there. That would make a good story to tell.

“Patootie?” Cas caught his attention, he’d already paused the show. “Have you finished your drink?” Dean looked down at the cup in his hand, surprised to find that it was empty. He didn’t remember drinking it at all. Cas stole it from him and Dean could hear him filling both mugs with water, and place them in the sink. He seized the time to stretch out along the sofa, laying as far back into it as he could so that Cas would have enough room in front.

When he came back from the kitchen Dean patted the empty spot in front of him and beckoned Cas to join him. Cas sat awkwardly on the edge of the sofa near Dean’s knees, but Dean wasn’t about to let him get away with that. He grabbed Cas’ hand. “Come on, get comfy with me, and I’ll pull the blanket over us.” Cas scooted up, then extended his body in front of Dean’s.

Dean pulled the soft blanket over both of them, and then pulled Cas body back into his own. Cas lay there stiffly for a moment, but after picking up the remote and hitting play, he melted back against Dean, tucking his lower arm up under the pillows and clutching Dean’s hand, brought it around and pressed it into his chest.

Dean let out the breath he’d been holding and allowed he allowed himself to relax as well. Resting his elbow on the sofa behind the pillows he propping his head on his hand and looks down at Cas. A sense of warmth and calm filled him. He could do this, whatever this was, Cas was in it with him. He pulled Cas into his body and nuzzled behind his ear, breathing in his cinnamon scent, from the shampoo that Cas uses.

“Dumpling, that tickles.” Cas murmured drowsily.

“Sorry Cas,” Dean whispered. “I can stop if you want.”

“Mmm, no. Just don’t tickle.” Cas replied just as softly.

“Okay.” Dean shifted slightly, resting his head on his bicep behind Cas, freeing his own hand to run his fingers through Cas’ hair. It was an awkward position for Dean to pull off, but totally worth it listening to the soft sounds Cas made as Dean dug his fingertips into his scalp. He pulled his other hand out from between Cas’ hand and chest, sad that he wasn’t ~~cuddling~~ holding Cas anymore but very interested in getting both of his hands on Cas’ scalp. To see how many noises he could entice the gorgeous man into making.

“Dean.” His name was a broken whimper on Cas’ lips.

“It’s ok, I got you.” Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas’ earlobe, releasing a hot breath over the shell of Cas’ ear, before running a line of soft kisses and small nips down the length of his exposed throat to the top of his collarbone. All the while telling himself that they totally didn’t count as kissing because he still hadn’t touched his lips to Cas’. He worried that he was moving too fast, but even though this felt intensely intimate, it didn’t feel sexual. 

The credits started rolling across the screen and Dean mouthed at the bolt of Cas jaw. “Come on Cas, time to get you into bed.”

“No I want to stay here with you, Fruitcake.” Cas slurred his words half asleep already.

“I know, I want to stay here with you too, but it’s late and we have a big day tomorrow.” Dean dropped small kisses around the outside of Cas’ face from his jaw to his temple. Still didn’t count, still not on the lips. “If you get up and go to bed, I’ll wash up the mugs and clean the kitchen for you.”

“I still need to take the rubbish out dear-one.” Cas squirmed under the blanket, pulling it up under his chin.

“I know, I’ll do that too, and I’ll even wipe the bathroom benchtop too.” Dean lightly scratched a line down Cas’ body with his nails, from the top of Cas’ head down under the blanket to his hip. Cas flipped onto his back and Dean found his hand now resting on Cas’ abdomen. He slid it up his body coming to rest over Cas’ floating ribs.

“Twinkles, how do you know I do that?” Cas squinted his eyes looking up at Dean.

“Cas we live together, I know your routine. You wash and put away any dishes that we haven’t already done. Then you wipe down all the wet area surfaces, and if there is something in the rubbish that might get smelly, you take the trash out.” Dean smirked.

“Think you have me all figured out do you Cinnamon whirl?” 

“No, but I pay attention and I’m learning.” The sound of the DVD playing the intro music over and over was starting to annoy Dean, so he reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the remote to turn it off. He didn’t realize until he was committed to the maneuver that it would end with him half laying on top of Cas. Cas however took the opportunity to encircle his arms around Dean’s waist.

“I want you to know, poopsy-woopsy, that I enjoyed lying with you tonight.” Their faces were very close, Dean could feel Cas’ breath on his cheek as he spoke. “I would like to do it again.”

Dean shifted to get a knee under himself, and his weight off of Cas. “I liked it too Cas.” He was very aware that his voice had turned husky, and that he needed to keep a certain part of his body out of contact with Cas, lest Cas workout exactly how much Dean was enjoying their current situation.

“So we can do this again?” Cas tilted his head to the side, in that cute way that he did. Dean groaned internally as he’d inadvertently moved into the perfect position for Dean to just lean down and kiss him. 

“Yeah Cas, yeah we can definitely do this again.” It took all of his will power to move away, to sit up on the knee carrying his weight and off of Cas’ pliant body.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean woke Sunday morning, and reached out over to Cas, wondering why he’d moved away during the night, to find that side of the bed cold and empty. He cracked open a single eyelid to visually confirm that he was alone in bed. It wasn’t until he was sitting up that he remembered he had gone to his bed alone last night. The impression of Cas’ body that Dean could still feel against his own was from curling up on the couch together the previous night, not from sharing a bed.

After they’d both completed Cas’ late night chores, Dean had left Cas at his bedroom door, with a chaste kiss to his forehead – didn’t count, wasn’t on the lips – and a wish for sweet dreams. Dean and Little Dean then had a long conversation about appropriate behavior when the object of one’s desire is sleeping in the room next door. Little Dean had not been impressed with losing said discussion while they were awake, and had made several compelling arguments while Dean was asleep. He groaned and stumbled his way into the bathroom. Right at this moment the only one winning was his overfull bladder.

Ablutions completed, Dean followed his nose into the kitchen where he could smell coffee brewing. “Mornin’ Cas.” He slotted up behind his beautiful roommate pulling him back into an embrace. Dean nosed his way from nap to lobe, before dropping a line of kisses down the side of Cas’ throat and nibbling at the soft flesh where neck meet throat.

“Good morning Snuggle Bear.” Cas dropped his head back on Dean’s shoulder. “Did you sleep well?” 

Dean made some sort of positive sound as he continued working the same patch of skin, low enough that a shirt collar would hide the mark he was creating, but not coverable by a t-shirt. Worrying the flesh with his teeth, laving it with his tongue, applying suction with his lips. Dean wasn’t sure where the urge had come from, but he wanted his mark on Cas prior to the heading to the markets. Somehow, overnight he’d become possessive. The mere thought that others would see Cas, and think he was available, had him tightening his grip on Cas’ hips. Which pulled Cas’ pert ass right up against a very interested area of Dean’s body. Trying not to moan out loud Dean released Cas and leaned against the kitchen counter. No dry humping his best friend before they’d even kissed. 

“Yeah Cas, I slept fine. Is the coffee ready?” One of the things he loved the most about living with Castiel was the coffee. During the week there was a fancy machine that ground beans and poured perfect cups of espresso. But on Sundays Cas pulled out a percolator that may or may not have gone on campaign with the French Foreign Legion. It had been left to Cas by his maternal great-grandfather and required close attention to prevent it from over brewing. However, when executed correctly, as Cas did every Sunday, made the strongest coffee that Dean had ever had the pleasure of drinking.

“Almost, Sweetiekins, maybe another minute or two. You promised to make me pancakes last night.” Cas leant over and kissed Dean on the cheek, dangerously close to the corner of Dean’s mouth. Dean spluttered caught off guard by how easily that could have been their first kiss, all he needed to have done was slide left slightly, and they’d have been telling their grandkids how this percolator was the start of their…

Hold up.

Who started saying anything about grandkids? _~Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird.~_

“Ah, you said something about frozen blueberries when I got back in from taking the trash out.” Dean moved away from Cas to the freezer, totally to look for said frozen fruit, not because he was now in turmoil. Did he want the intimate coffee story? Or the public flower stall? By the time he had found the berries, Cas had already pulled the pot off the stove and was pouring steaming cups of black gold. Flower Stall it is then, he decided, and headed to the pantry to grab the dry ingredients he needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to make your own magic.
> 
> * * *

Walking around a farmers’ market, holding hands with Cas was much more fun than walking around without holding Cas’ hand. Dean quickly got into the rhythm of letting go of Cas’ hand when they stopped at a stall, leaving Cas free to look at the produce, while Dean stood behind him with his hands on Cas’ hips. Dean would take this time to look around and try and spot a flower stall. He didn’t remember them ever being this hard to find before.

They were slowly working their way towards Alfie’s butcher truck where he and Cas liked to shop. Dean knew he needed to find a flower stall before then if he was going to pull his plan off. Even this late in September it was too warm to be walking around aimlessly with meat and Cas would want to leave the markets and head home. He could see the butcher up ahead, maybe 150 feet away. Dean had all but given up on getting his grand gesture, when he spotted the florist.

He could see it through one of the gaps between tents allowing access to the next corridor over. Two mismatched kitchen sideboards. Their doors had all been removed as had the internal shelves. The spaces left created perfect frames for displays of flowers. A banner hung from the two outward turned corners, giving the impression of a front entrance with the name Fat Tulips hand painted in silver over a gorgeous blue and purple swirling background. The same two colors the cupboards had once been painted, years before, but now they were muted and showed patches of faded white where the paint had worn thin and been chipped.

Dean tugged on Cas’ hand hoping to steer him through the laneway. “Sunflower.” For a moment Dean thought Cas had spotted the display with its bright flowers. “What are you doing? Alfie is just up ahead.” Cas pointed to the refrigerated truck and pulled back on Dean’s hand, trying to keep them on track.

Dean took one last longing look at the stall when he saw it. Right next door was a snow cone vendor. “Come on Cas, I wanna get a snow cone first.” Dean grinned towards his boyfriend, feeling all warm inside every time he thought of Cas as such.

“Really Schnooky-lumps?” Cas rolled his eyes at Dean, but changed direction and walked purposefully to the small cart, by-passing Fat Tulips through the sheer act of ignoring it as he cut diagonally across the intersection. Dean hurried along after him, side-eyeing his destination of choice, wondering exactly how he was going to get Cas in there for their first kiss.

“May I please have a half watermelon and half blue raspberry?” Cas requested and turned to Dean to see what he wanted.

“I’ll have half cherry half sour apple thanks.” Dean pulled his wallet out and handed over a ten dollar bill for both. They waited in silence for the snow cones. It took some juggling to work out who would hold what bags so they could hold and eat the cones. Dean took the opportunity to edge Cas further and further into the florist as they were doing so, but then realized to his disgust they now had their hands full of purchases and snow cones that he couldn’t sweep Cas into his arms and kiss him the way that he should be kissed their very first time.

“What is wrong, Lotus flower?” Cas asked. Dean hadn’t been aware that so much of his frustration with the current situation had bled through his facial expression.

“I’m just annoyed our hands are full and I really want to get those flowers.” Dean randomly pointed at a small bouquet of white flowers. Cas looked over at the spray of Snowberries, Freesias and Orchids and handed Dean his cone.

“I would like to purchase this one please.” He held his fingers just slightly away from the flowers and spoke with the attendant, explaining that he’d like to pay for it now, but pick it up in 30 minutes after they’d finished their shopping. The woman agreed and pulled a roll of paid stickers out from a drawer in the cabinet. She placed one on the side of the glass vase. Cas pulled his wallet out and handed over the amount requested, plus an additional generous tip, assuring the woman they would be back shortly.

Dean looked down at the two sweets in his hands; none of his plans for today were working out. It felt like every time he took two steps forward, something else happened and he ended three steps back. This was so unfair, why couldn’t he for once have something just work? Why was everything always so difficult? Damnit, he wanted this nice thing, this one moment with Cas and he was going to make it happen. He thrust the ices towards the poor, unsuspecting woman. “Can you please hold these?” She grabbed them, mostly out of reflex, but Dean didn’t care. He lowered all the bags he was carrying to the ground and pulled Cas forwards.

He lifted his hands and gently cupped Cas’ cheeks. Dean leaned forward searching Cas’ eyes for any hint of rejection. Seeing none, he brushed his lips over Castiel’s. He searched Cas’ eyes again and kissed him again, his lips slightly parted, hoping Cas would respond. Dean pushed his fingers backwards into Cas’ hair allowing his thumbs to trail over Cas’ cheekbones, tilting his head ever so slightly so that their mouths were perfectly aligned. “Cas.” His name was a guttural whisper breathed from Dean’s mouth over Cas’ lips.

Cas’ eyes fluttered close and his lips parted as he sighed Dean’s name back into his mouth. Their lips met again for a third time and time seemed to stand still for one perfect moment, Dean was kissing Cas and Cas was kissing Dean and the world didn’t exist.

“That is soooo hot.”

“Totally,” a second girl replied to the first

“You never kiss me like that,” the first girl’s voice complained.

“What, like this?” A male voice joined the conversation.

Cas and Dean broke apart to look at their audience when the second female started making gagging noises at her friends. “Dude! Don’t do that shit in front of me.”

Dean laughed and turned back to the flower seller. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered as he took the melting snow cones back from her.

“Don’t you worry about it dearie, sometimes you have to make your own magic.” She grinned at him and patted her red hair like even a single strand would dare to be out of place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Princess did not agree with my chosen end point, so as previously mentioned, I'm currently working on chapter 11 (still)
> 
> I wanted to share a couple of things with you all.  
> Fat Tulips was the name of the florist that did my wedding flowers, and my bouquet was Snowberries, Freesias, Orchids and White Feathers. Which was very pretty if I do say so myself.
> 
> Next update on the 6th June.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean held Sam’s eyes probably a moment too long since he was driving then nodded as he turned back to the road. “Cas and I are together.” He snuck another peek at Sam.
> 
> “Okay.” Sam was still sitting there like he was waiting for Dean to make a big announcement.
> 
> “Sam! Cas and I are _together_.” Dean indicated to turn into the basement garage of the building, hitting the remote on his keyring to open the security gate. He turned sideways to look directly at his brother while the gate slowly swung open.
> 
> “And what, Dean?” Sam stared right back at him. “I have eyes, I’m not blind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Fox has done some truly beautiful editing work this week. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
> 
> * * *
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to My Princess. I know today is awful, remember, you are loved, you are alive, and I am always here for you.
> 
> * * *

Dean left Singer’s Auto right on time on Monday to the slight ribbing of the guys, but since it was the exact same ribbing he got every Monday and Thursday he ignored it. Bobby always supplied a few bottles of beer at the end of shift Monday to Thursday, and again on Saturdays. Friday, they all went out for drinks and ate together. It was one of reasons why Bobby had such good morale in his shop.

However, Mondays and Thursdays were the days Sam came over and had dinner with Cas and Dean. Therefore, Dean left the shop right on time and diverted past the bus station, following the route that Sam would walk to the apartment. It didn’t happen every time but, often enough, Dean would spot Sam walking and pick him up. Tonight was one of those nights.

Dean beeped his horn as he drove past Sam, and looked for somewhere he could pull over. Finding a spot about six car lengths down he slotted in and watched Sam run in the rear vision mirror. “Hey Dean,” Sam greeted him as he tossed his backpack on the backseat and slid into the car. “How was your weekend?”

“Good, Sammy.” Dean smiled. He had wanted to bring up his new relationship and this could be his window in.

“Sammy is a twelve year old, Dean,” Sam sighed, his voice full of exasperation. It didn’t seem to matter how many times Sam asked Dean not to call him Sammy, he still did.

“But you love being called Sammy.” Dean looked over at his younger brother, face full of false hurt. He flicked his indicators on and checked his mirrors to merge back into traffic. “I, um, I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you making a whole big thing out of it okay?” Dean pulled into a gap in the traffic and started the drive home. He knew he only had a couple of minutes alone with Sam before they were in the apartment with Cas and he wanted to make sure his kid brother wasn’t going to make a big scene.

“Okay.” Sam sounded hesitant and when Dean looked over at him quickly, he shrugged. 

Dean held Sam’s eyes probably a moment too long since he was driving then nodded as he turned back to the road. “Cas and I are together.” He snuck another peek at Sam.

“Okay.” Sam was still sitting there like he was waiting for Dean to make a big announcement.

“Sam! Cas and I are _together_.” Dean indicated to turn into the basement garage of the building, hitting the remote on his keyring to open the security gate. He turned sideways to look directly at his brother while the gate slowly swung open.

“And what, Dean?” Sam stared right back at him. “I have eyes, I’m not blind. The gate’s open.” He pointed out the windscreen. Dean huffed and made his way through the underground maze to his assigned spot at the back. Sam pulled his backpack out from the rear, and waited while Dean locked the car. “I mean really Dean, did you think I didn’t notice? You can barely keep your hands off him.” They entered the lift and Sam hit the button for Dean and Cas’ floor. “Hey does this mean I don’t have to sit in the middle while you two do your whole eye sex thing?” He grinned broadly.

“What the hell Sammy.” It had taken Dean a hot minute, but he’d finally found his voice. “What’d’ya mean I can’t keep my hands off him?” 

“Dude, you’re all over him. You can’t walk past him without touching him, you practically hold hands when you eat dinner and two weeks ago when I joined you at the markets, the only time your hand left his back was when his fingers were in your belt loops. Dean, you guys aren’t exactly subtle.” Sam stepped out of the elevator and walked beside Dean to the apartment door. “Wait? Did you two think you were keeping this,” Sam pointed back and forth between Dean and the door, “secret?”

“Shut up. Just be cool about it, okay?” Dean unlocked the door and waved Sam inside. “Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I am in the kitchen, Darling,” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.

“I’m here too, Cas,” Sam called out as he hung his jacket on a hook and slipped his boots off for the evening. Dean did the same and the two of them walked around the partition wall separating the entryway from the kitchen.

Dean walked up behind where Cas was laying out biscuits on a tray to put in the oven. “Hey Cas,” he whispered into Cas’ ear while wrapping his arms around him. 

Cas melted back against his body. “Hello Dean.” His voice was husky in that way Dean was recognizing was just for him. “I missed you today, Crumpet.” He turned his head and kissed Dean on the cheek.

“I missed you too, Cas.” Dean grinned at him and stole a kiss from his boyfriend’s lips, not worried about Sam being in the same room watching them.

“Dinner is all but ready Sam. I am just putting biscuits in the oven to go with the Spicy Balsamic Pulled Chicken in the crockpot.” Cas pulled the oven door open and slid the tray in place. “Would you like something to drink?” He grabbed three bottles of beer out of the fridge and handed them around. Dean twisted the top off and flicked the lid into the rubbish bin, pulling Cas back into his side as they all stood in the kitchen waiting for the biscuits to bake. Sam explained about the assignment that had been handed out that day in class, but Dean didn’t pay him any attention. Instead he concentrated on Cas. He’d pulled him around so Cas was standing partially in front, then worked his arms around Cas, holding him close and breathing in his scent.

Dean was fast becoming addicted to the scent of Cas. Yesterday after they’d arrived home from the markets and eaten dinner, Dean started the fifth Attenborough episode. He’d grabbed pillows from Cas’ bed again and pulled him down onto the sofa. They’d spent the night in each other’s arms, ignoring the TV and kissing. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d just made out on a couch all night. Soft kisses that didn’t lead anywhere. There was no need to rush with Cas. No need to jump right in at the deep end. With Cas, Dean was getting to take things slow. Do them right.

Enjoy every languid kiss, be thrilled anew with each touch. As long as he didn’t need to admit it to anyone, including himself, Dean now understood the Madonna song. Touching Cas was just like the first time. Only better, because Dean was older and he wasn’t in a rush. Not anymore. So they stood in the kitchen, Sam and Cas talking, Dean holding his boyfriend and he didn’t let himself think about how this felt like home.

The oven’s timer went off and Cas shooed Dean and Sam out of the kitchen to set the table while he made the final few dinner preparations. Dean came back into the kitchen to take the serving bowl Cas had poured the chicken into, leaving Cas only the basket he had dumped the biscuits in to carry out. Dean sat at the table and reached out to steady Cas as he sat at the head. Sam looked at him pointedly, raising his eyebrows at the totally unnecessary contact Dean was maintaining.

Dean grunted at Sam, which caused Cas to look at Dean with concern. “What’s wrong Love Muffin?”

“Nothing Cas,” Dean smiled and picked Cas’ hand up, kissing his knuckles. “Sam’s just jealous.”

“Of what?” Cas’ focus was now on Sam, as was Dean’s, only their two expressions were vastly different. Cas’ face was full of curiosity while Dean’s showed utter panic. Sam grinned at his brother. Dean had messed up and just handed Sam a golden opportunity to embarrass him. Dean could tell that Sam was reveling in the power given to him. “Sam?” Cas asked, looking back and forth between the two brothers.

Dean silently begged his younger brother to be kind. “I’m not jealous Cas, I’m just happy for you both.” Sam broke the silent conversation he had been in with Dean. “This looks really good.” He picked up the serving spoon and motioned for Dean to pass his bowl over.

Dinner became an awkward affair of silent conversations. When Dean wasn’t making heart eyes at Cas, he was threatening Sam. Sam spent his time trying to calm Dean down, while also trying to reassure Cas nothing was wrong. Cas clearly did not believe Sam and he spent the dinner silently asking both Sam and Dean to clarify what was happening between the two brothers.

Dean swiped the last bite of his biscuit around his bowl, capturing the remaining juices. He gave one last moan of satisfaction as the biscuit melted in his mouth. “Why don’t you go and have your shower Cas, while Sam and I do the dishes?” He picked up the serving bowl and basket, leaving the dinner bowls and cutlery for Sam. In the kitchen, he pulled out a couple of plastic containers. “Hey Sam, do you want some of this for tomorrow?” He was making up lunches for himself and Cas, and there was plenty left for Sam to take some too.

“Sure Dean.” Ignoring the dishwasher, Sam put the dirty dishes on the side of the sink and started the water running. They cleaned up after dinner in companionable brotherly bickering. Dean kept dropping things back into the sink saying they were dirty. Sam smirking as he pretended to wash them again, knowing Dean was putting more effort into drying than he was pretending to scrub already clean bowls.

“Are you nearly done?” Cas asked from the lounge room after he’d rejoined them. “I was thinking if Sam did not mind, we could continue watching Life on Earth.”

“Actually guys, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to head back to the dorm early tonight.” Sam watched Dean. He knew how important these two nights were to his older brother. “If I’m going to spend all of Saturday with you guys, I really need to be hitting the books tonight.”

Dean was about to complain when Cas got in first. “Of course Sam, your studies come first. I assume you are going to drive him back, even though it is still early?” Dean used the excuse that public transport wasn’t reliable later in the evenings to drive Sam back to his dorm and spend that extra little bit of time with him. “It would be faster than the bus, and Sam will get more study time in.”

“You ready now then?” Dean asked Sam. At his nod, Dean headed to the front door to pull his shoes and jacket back on. He grabbed his keys from the sideboard before walking back to Cas and kissing him. “I won’t be long. How about you grab the pillows and I’ll be back as soon as I can?”

Sam waited until they were in the elevator before he started singing about Dean and Cas sitting in a tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the very first thing that The Fox asked about after her initial read through was the recipe for Spicy Balsamic Pulled Chicken. So I have a confession, I outsourced the meal. I knew I wanted Cas making biscuits to go with something in a slow cooker, so I went to The Most Beautiful Girl In The World and asked her what she would have in her slow cooker. First she told me that it's colloquially called a crockpot in the US, even if yours isn't that brand, then she told me Spicy Balsamic Pulled Chicken. After The Fox's comment I went back and got the recipe for you all.
> 
> In crockpot add two pounds chicken 
> 
> In bowl mix:  
> 1/2 tsp salt  
> 5 cloves chopped garlic  
> 1/2 Tbl red pepper  
> 1/2 cup chicken broth  
> 3/4 cup balsamic  
> 1 Tbl worsteschire  
> 1 Tbl honey  
> 1 Tbl olive oil
> 
> Stir together, pour over chicken, cook on low 6 hours.
> 
> Please enjoy


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long, slow, lazy kisses that were fast becoming his very favorite thing. His hands roamed up and down Cas’ arms before Dean would bury his fingers in Cas’ hair, angling their mouths perfectly.
> 
> * * *

After Dean arrived home from dropping Sam off on Monday night, he’d spent the rest of the night on the sofa kissing Cas. Long, slow, lazy kisses that were fast becoming his very favorite thing. His hands roamed up and down Cas’ arms before Dean would bury his fingers in Cas’ hair, angling their mouths perfectly. Losing himself in the intoxicating taste and feel of Cas.

On Tuesday, Dean had needed to avoid both Bobby and Benny for most of the day. They kept looking at him like he’d grown a second head and asking him why he was smiling so much. Eventually he’d gotten so sick of them, he’d spent the afternoon helping Garth rebuild an engine. He’d arrived home and talked Cas into staying in for the night. They’d seen most of the movies playing at the moment anyway and none of the ones they hadn’t seen interested Dean nearly as much as spending the night on the couch making out with Cas.

Wednesday was pretty much a replay of Tuesday at work. Dean avoided Bobby and Benny by making sure Garth was standing between him and them for as much of the day as he could, even to the point of taking Garth out for lunch at the little coffee shop across the road from the shop. They didn’t do burgers, but their sandwiches were okay and they had pie.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m in the kitchen Darling.” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.

Dean followed the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, finding him chopping vegetables for the stir fry that Dean thought they’d planned to eat tomorrow night when Sam was over. He thought about asking Cas about the change in plans, but when Dean stopped beside him, Cas put the knife down, turned towards him and kissed him hello. So Dean did his very best to make Cas forget about cooking for a little while.

“Cornflake,” Cas managed to get out between kisses.

“Yeah Cas?” Dean drew a line with kisses along Cas’ jaw.

“I was trying to cook.”

Dean nipped at Cas’ lobe “Yeah?”

Cas whined deep in his throat. “Noodlecup, I really need to get dinner cooked before the greens wilt.” Dean kissed his way back to Cas’ lips, humming his agreement. 

“Sure,” _kiss_ “Cas,” _kiss_ “dinner,” _kiss nibble kiss_ “very important.” Dean licked his way into Cas’ mouth and the dark haired man moaned around his tongue. Dean had rested his hands lightly on Cas’ back, while Cas’ hands were on Dean’s shoulders, but with that moan Dean started pulling Cas’ business shirt out of his trousers.

“Dean, Babykins, what are you doing?” Cas drew back from Dean’s mouth to talk. 

They’d been making out on the couch for the last three nights, four if you counted Saturday night, which Dean wasn’t sure if he did or not. Counting Saturday was problematic, as it had occurred before their First Kiss. Their First Kiss which had definitely been the one they’d shared in the flower heavy air of the markets on Sunday. Not any of the kisses Dean had been showering Cas with on Saturday night. They were not kisses because there had been no lip on lip action. Therefore, they didn’t count.

So three nights of making out on the couch, and in all that time Dean had been a perfect gentleman and not touched Cas anywhere that Cas had not already touched him. Which meant Dean had not made it past first base. There had been absolutely no under-the-clothes action. Even after Cas had his showers, he’d come back to the sofa with his robe firmly tied closed and Dean had respected that.

But dammit, it had been months and months since Dean had accidently discovered how soft and smooth Cas’ skin was and all he wanted right now, right this very minute was to feel pure unadulterated Cas. With the back of Cas’ shirt free, Dean slipped his hands up underneath it. “Cas,” he breathed as he recaptured his lips, smoothing his hands up Cas’ back until his fingers were skimming Cas’ shoulder blades. Then he curled his hands and dragged his nails lighting down the man’s back, stealing the noises Cas was making right out of his mouth.

“Dean, Dearest Dean, what are you doing to me?” Cas’ right hand was digging into Dean’s shoulder, but his left had made its way up into Dean’s hair and he tilted Dean’s head back, giving himself access to Dean’s throat and took advantage. Dean pulled more of Cas’ shirt free working his palms over Cas’ back and sides in lazy strokes, mapping his body. Slowly he worked his hands around until he got his thumbs to Cas’ nipples, he rubbed back and forth then pressed his thumb pads firmly over the hard points.

Cas pulled back instantly as if he’d been electrocuted. His face was flushed, his lips wet, and if it wasn’t for the shocked expression on his face, Dean would have used the memory of this moment to get him through the long lonely nights he spent in his bed. Dean tried to pull his hands back but they were caught in Cas’ shirt.

“I’m sorry Cas, I’m sorry.” He twisted his hands trying to free them, eventually jerking them out of the shirt. He stumbled backwards to give Cas space. “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” He had needed to look down to untangle his hands, and now he found he couldn’t look back up, scared of what he’d find in Cas’ eyes. “I’ll get out of your way.” He spun to leave but was halted by the barest impression of Cas’ fingers on his arm.

“I should not have reacted like that Muffin.” Cas sounded strained.

“No, I shouldn’t’ve touched you. You said stop and I didn’t.” Dean hunched his shoulders in tight to his body. He couldn’t believe he’d done that, pushed Cas.

“I did not tell you to stop.” Cas moved up behind Dean, wrapped his arms around him and laid his head between Dean’s shoulders.

“Cas you asked me twice what the hell I was doing, and I didn’t stop.” Dean could taste bile at the back of his throat.

“I never asked you to stop, I did not say no. I-” He paused while he lifted his head and kissed the back of Dean’s neck. “I liked what you were doing.” Cas brought his hands up to Dean’s shoulders, rubbing along his biceps. Dean felt some of the tension in his body loosen, but he still didn’t know what had happened. “Hey.” Cas shook him a little. “Listen to me. I _liked_ what you were doing, Sugar Butt.”

Dean snorted and turned in Cas’ arms, forgetting he’d avoiding making eye contact. 

“Sugar Butt?” he grinned and Cas smiled back. Basking in the warmth, Dean put aside his feelings about what just happened. If Cas said he was fine, then Dean was going to pretend that everything was fine too. “How can I help with dinner?” 

“Oh, uhmm...” Cas checked to see what was left to do. “The rice is sitting in its pot, it only needs to be fluffed up, but not until the stir fry has been cooked. I’m almost done cutting the vegetables. There isn’t anything left to do other than getting it all in the wok.” 

Dean moved over to the stove and lit the gas burner. He opened the pot drawer and pulled out both the wok and the funny dooverlacky thing Cas usually sat over the stove for the wok to sit in, and placed both of them in turn over the flame. He held his hand over the wok, waiting until he could feel the heat, before adding a small amount of peanut oil and moving it around the wok. Cas leaned over and added half of the marinated chicken, which immediately sizzled enticingly.

“I thought we were having the stir fry tomorrow with Sam?” Dean moved the meat around the wok, making sure it browned evenly.

“He sent me a message today saying he couldn’t make it tomorrow.” Cas finished his chopping and placed a bowl on Dean’s other side so he could move the cooked chicken out of the wok and cook the second half.

“Why didn’t he let me know?” Dean asked, perplexed that Sam was talking to Cas instead of him about their plans.

“He mentioned you had not replied to his texts, Sweetroll, so he let me know as a back-up. Have you checked your phone today?” Cas asked.

“Not since this morning, no. Can you pull it out of my pocket and check it for me?” Dean had his hands full moving the second batch of cooked chicken out of the wok. Cas closed in behind Dean and slipped his left hand around and into Dean’s pocket, sliding it all the way home before Dean could squeak, “Other pocket!” Cas invaded the correct pocket with his other hand without removing his left, which was dangerously close to areas that were making Dean feel flustered.

Cas pulled the phone and both of his hands from Dean’s pockets and leaned back against the wall. He opened the phone and made a huffing noise. “You are out of power.”

Dean tried to act normally, like Cas hadn’t just been brushing up against him, like he wasn’t biting his lip, and was just adding the slower cooked vegetables to the wok. “Can you plug it in for me? The cable’s beside my bed.”

“Of course, Big Boy,” Cas tossed over his shoulder as he left the kitchen. 

“Give you ‘big boy’,” Dean muttered as he reached down to adjust himself, once he was sure Cas couldn’t see or hear him. Calling out louder he continued, “So why isn’t Sam coming tomorrow?”

“Because he thinks we are watching Star Wars movies all day on Saturday,” Cas voice drifted away and then back again, “and he still has assignments he needs to complete, and material he needs to study. So he said he was going to spend tomorrow night in the library instead.” Cas re-entered the kitchen as Dean added the chicken back to the wok. “I said that was okay and you would understand.”

Dean grunted and tossed the stir fry one last time before sitting it back on the stove and turning the heat off. “Let’s get this served and start Farscape.” He fluffed the rice with a fork and between the two of them they made quick work of dishing up two bowls and a few containers of left overs. Dean rinsed the wok and they headed to the couch to start the next episode.

"This is my side! That’s your side. You stay on your side. My side, your side! My side, your side!" Cas pointed at the two ends of the couch. He smiled broadly at Dean as he recited Stark’s lines from the previous week. “No distracting me from the show tonight Bugsy.”

Dean smiled back at him, but his heart hurt. Cas didn’t want to lay on the couch in his arms. “Sure Cas, no macking during your education.” He sat at his end of the couch and tried not to sulk.

They watched in silence. Okay, no, they didn’t. Cas tried to hold a conversation with Dean, but Dean could tell something was off and by the end of the third episode they were watching in silence. Dean knew it was because of what happened earlier. He was stupid to push Cas for more than he was ready to give. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’d only just realized they were a couple and come to terms with being Cas’ boyfriend and he was already ruining their relationship. Dean was sure Cas had been in a better relationship with him when Dean hadn’t known they were in a relationship.

“Hey Cas, I’m really tired. Are you okay if we call it a night?” Dean fake yawned. Any other Wednesday, Cas would use the break between the 3rd and 4th episodes to make hot chocolate, but Dean couldn’t sit at the other end of the sofa from Cas and pretend everything was okay any longer. So he stood, made sleepy noises, and told Cas he would see him tomorrow.

“Oh, okay, Coco-puffs. If you are tired.” It was not a question or a statement, but Dean nodded and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth, inadvertently leaving Cas alone to clean up the lounge room. It was not until the following morning when Dean was getting ready to leave for work that he realized Cas wiped the kitchen down and took the trash out all by himself the night before.

Yet this morning Cas had left Dean a travel mug full of hot coffee with a note reminding him there were leftovers in the fridge for his lunch. Dean felt like he was an inch tall and worse than the scum you find clinging to your shoes when you wade through a tadpole pond. Last night he’d been upset with himself, so he’d run away, and left Cas with all their night time chores. He hadn’t even found Cas after he’d brushed his teeth to kiss him good night, hadn’t even wished him good night. He’d just gone into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Now he was standing in the kitchen of an empty apartment, Cas having already left before Dean had come out of his room. No good morning, no shared toast, no shared kisses, just a mug of coffee and a note about lunch. Dean banged his head against the cupboard door above the coffeemaker. He was destroying everything. He didn’t know why Cas didn’t just kick him out. Everything he touched turned to ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got chapter 11 finished and then Chapter 12 practically wrote itself. I'm so happy at the moment, I feel like I can work on my dcbb guilt free for a week.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean never wanted to give up kissing Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter edited by the awesome Fox, who takes my mutterings and makes it gooder.
> 
> * * *

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

Silence.

There was no answering reply from Castiel. No response from further in the apartment. Nothing.

Dean hung his head, slipped off his shoes and slunk in like a whipped dog in search of Cas, but he wasn’t to be found anywhere in the common areas. The bathroom was empty too. Castiel’s bedroom door was closed and Dean stood in front of it. He took a deep breath and knocked twice. “Cas?” he called and again was met with silence. “Cas, come on.” He knocked again.

Cas always beat him home. He finished an hour earlier than Dean, and even when he stopped to pick something up on his drive home, he still managed to make it in before Dean did, so he was sure Cas was in his room hiding from him. Dean rested his palm against the closed door and counted to five. “Cas?” he pleaded, and opened the door. He wasn’t there. The room was empty. Dean cursed and checked his phone.

Nothing.

No unseen message, no missed calls. Dean yanked the door closed and stalked to the front door, pulled his shoes back on, grabbed his keys and left. He couldn’t stay here, he needed to get out, away, clear his head think up a plan. Find a way to get Cas to forgive him, promise him that last night would never happen again. Dean never wanted to give up kissing Cas, but the thought of losing Cas as his friend... He shook his head, muttering the word ‘no’ repeatedly to himself as he rode the elevator down to the carpark.

Dean slid into his Baby and rested his head against the steering wheel. He wanted the open road, but he was hours away from that at this time of night. The roads were all clogged with people making their nightly commute home. 

Sam.

He’d go and see Sam. The very last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings, and that is exactly what Sam would make him do. But his choices were slim - open road, bottom of a whiskey bottle, or Sam. As much as he’d love a night spent with Johnny, Jack and Jim, he knew that drinking himself blackout drunk when he still needed to work tomorrow could get him fired. 

He wouldn’t risk his job, too much depended on him having that income, so Sam was his only option. He turned the key in the ignition and let the sound of Baby purring soothe him. He pulled out and sat too long in gridlock getting to Stanford, but he chanted to himself that Sammy would help, Sammy would know what to do, Sam could help fix this. He found a parking spot near the library entrance he knew Sam favored, because he’d dropped off and picked up Sam here often enough. He locked Baby and twirled his keys around his finger as he made his way to the building.

There were a lot of different study nooks but Dean knew of three where Sam usually tried to set up in. The first he could see almost as soon as he walked in and it was filled with four students, none of them were Sam, so Dean turned and climbed the stairs to the next level. The next nook Sam was likely to be in was further around the building and hidden by a line of shelves that jutted out from the wall. Dean could hear Sam talking on the other side of the shelves when he reached them. He nearly called out when he heard Cas’ voice as well.

What was Cas doing here? Why was Cas talking to Sam? Why were they talking about him? Dean caught his name being mentioned, and it stopped him cold. The voice in his head so loud he couldn’t hear his brother and his lover talking anymore. Not his lover, the voice taunted him. Cas had fled from his touch, run away from their home, run to his brother. Dean breathed deeply, unsure what he should do.

Continue around the shelf and confront them? Stand here and listen to what they were saying? Leave? He hunched his shoulders and did the most despicable thing he could do. He eavesdropped.

“He stopped, Sam.” Cas was upset.

“Stopped what?” Dean could tell just from his voice that Sam was in his ‘comforting friend’ mode.

“Dean no longer uses any form of endearments with me. I do not know what I did, he just stopped.” Had he? That couldn’t be right? Dean was sure he and Cas still talked all lovey dovey to each other.

“Are you sure?” Sam questioned. See? Even Sam didn’t think he’d stopped.

“Yes. Late Saturday afternoon Dean called me Sweet Stuff and he has not used a single term of affection since.” Dean remembered saying that. He’d been in his bedroom putting his washing away, before they’d eaten Nepalese for dinner and spent the night ~~snuggled~~ together on the couch. 

“I heard him call you Honey on Monday, Cas.” Well, that doesn’t count, I always says that when I get home, Dean thought.

“No, you heard him say ‘Honey, I am home’. Dean has always said that when he walks into the apartment. ” See? Cas knows what’s what. But Dean can’t think of any other pet names he’d used for Cas since Sweet Stuff. “Honey and Dearest have never been part of the game. I have used 26 pet names since then, and he has not replied in kind.” Shit, 26? That’s bad, very bad, even Dean knows that is bad. 

“I don’t know what to say Cas,” Sam sounded worried.

~ _Shit shit shit_ ~ Dean rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. ~ _Damnit Dean! What did I tell you about making shit weird?_ ~ 

“Then last night he came home and we were kissing-“

Sam interrupted. “Woah! I don’t want those details Cas. I’m so happy that you’re together, but he’s still my brother. No sex talk.”

“We have not had sex Sam.”

“Cas! No sex talk.” Sam stopped. “Really?” He sounded shocked. “No don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. But really?” he questioned.

“Really,” Cas huffed.

“Okay,” Sam said. Dean thought about making some noise walking around the shelf to let them know that he was just arriving when Sam’s next words halted him. “So what exactly happened last night?” Okay so maybe Dean shouldn’t make any noise right now. In fact, Dean should just shut the fuck up and listen to Cas and find out exactly what went wrong last night.

“We were kissing, and Dean touched me-“ 

“Cas!” Sam interrupted again. 

“I do not know how to tell you what happened, if you will not let me tell you what happened.” Cas was exasperated. Dean was pissed at Sam for interrupting; you’d think Sam would know better, Cas wasn’t the kind of guy to kiss and tell. Except that was exactly what he was doing. 

~ _No, he’s trying to ask Sam for advice, it’s not like he’s trying to tell Sam- FUCK! That is exactly what he’s trying to tell Sam._ ~ And Dean actually wanted him to. This was his best chance at finding out how to fix the massive clusterfuck he found himself in.

Sam sighed, “Okay, then start from the beginning. What happened on Saturday?

“We kissed for the first time on Saturday and-”

“Sunday!”

“Dean?”

~ _Shit!_ ~


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh no,” Dean answered as he backed away from the shelving unit and Sam’s study nook. “There’s no Dean here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to The Fox who helped with the conga line dancing cha cha cha through the house. Love you Foxy lady I could not do this without you.
> 
> * * *

“Dean?” Sam repeated Cas’ exclamation. 

“Uh no,” Dean answered as he backed away from the shelving unit and Sam’s study nook. “There’s no Dean here.” He turned and ran. Along the aisle, down the stairs and out the door, across the parking lot to the Impala.

“DEAN!” he heard Sam yell as he peeled out of the lot and onto the road leading off campus. Dean did not look back. He needed space and time to think. He drove, not really thinking about where he was going until he found himself a block from their apartment. Realizing how easy it would be for either Sam or Cas to find him there, Dean drove past the security gate and headed to Benny’s instead.

The entire drive, his phone was either playing ‘Smoke on the Water’ as it rang, or making that stupid dinging noise he swore he was going to change, as text after text message arrived. He would have pulled it out and turned it off but his hands were white-knuckled around the steering wheel.

He’d screwed up. He’d pushed Cas, assaulted him, forced himself on him. Forced Cas to run to Sam, and then he’d eavesdropped and made a mess of that as well. Not only had he opened his big mouth, letting them know he was listening in, he hadn’t even gotten any information out of it either.

Dean was a failure. This is why he’d never had a relationship before, because he was useless. Worthless. Not good enough, unlovable, not needed, not wanted, a failure.

He pulled into Benny’s driveway behind his truck, yanked his phone out of his pocket and switched it off without looking at any of the notifications. He opened the glovebox and tossed the phone in. He didn’t want to be tempted to look at it later. He climbed out of his car and dragged himself up the stairs to Benny’s front door. The door opened moments after he pushed the buzzer.

“Oh, hey Dean, Benny didn’t say you were coming over.” Andrea held the door open. “We’re on the deck. Head on out and I’ll grab you a beer.” She stopped by the fridge on their way through the small house.

“Hey Benny,” Dean said as he walked out onto their deck.

“Brother, wasn’t expecting you tonight,” Benny said from the grill where he was turning hotdogs.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” Dean rocked back on his heels. “Look, I know this is out of left field, but can I crash here tonight?”

“Of course,” Andrea’s voice interrupted anything Benny was going to say. She handed them both bottles of beer, keeping a third for herself. “I’ll make the spare room up after we eat.” She walked up to Benny and wrapped her arm around him. “If you lend Dean a pair of your drawstring pants to sleep in, I can wash what Dean’s wearing for tomorrow.”

“Andrea, that’s not necessary,” Dean protested.

“Easier to nod and agree, brother, when Andrea’s made up her mind,” Benny smiled down at her. “So ignore me if you don’t want to talk about it, but aren’t you meant to be having dinner with Sam tonight?”

Dean was too embarrassed to talk about what happened in front of Andrea, so he waited until after they’d eaten and she’d gone upstairs before he opened up and gave Benny a few details. Even then, he didn’t shared how he’d assaulted Cas the night before, but just said they’d had an argument and that when he’d gotten in tonight, Cas hadn’t been there, so he’d driven to see Sam only to discover Cas was with Sam, and that Dean had come here to get away from them both.

Benny sat quietly through the whole of it and Dean sent him a pleading look when they heard Andrea coming back down the stairs. Benny nodded, saying they’d talk more later.

“Dean, I don’t know if you want to shower tonight or in the morning, but if I could get your clothes now, I want to start the washing before Dr. Sexy comes on.” She grinned at Benny’s groan. “He hates my show, but I make him watch it with me anyway. I left something for you to change into and a towel on the bed. You’re the first door to the left and the bathroom’s right next door.”

“Thanks Andrea, you’re too good for him,” Dean referenced Benny as he headed upstairs.

Dean both hoped and dreaded spending any more time alone with Benny that night. He knew Benny would want to continue their talk, and while Dean felt somewhat better having said his piece earlier, he really didn’t want to continue any further into the realm of _talking_. Thankfully, the rest of the night had been spent quietly in front of the TV with Andrea. However, the following morning after breakfast, Andrea had asked if Dean could drive Benny to work, rather than Andrea going out of her way to drop him off. He’d agreed after all of her hospitality.

Dean really expected Benny to start in on him as soon as they were in the car, but he forgot exactly how much coffee it took for the Cajun to get going in the mornings. Unfortunately, that meant Benny started talking halfway through his third cup, at work, right in front of Garth.   


.oOo.

  
After listening to the guys’ debate what was happening in his love life for nine and a half hours, the last thing Dean wanted to do was go out drinking with them. He said his goodbyes to everyone and headed back to the apartment instead of going to The Roadhouse.

He entered their home and hung his jacket on the row of hook by the door, then placed his keys on the sideboard and toed his boots off, nudging them into place. He snuck around the corner, hoping to see where Cas was, hoping he could make it to his room without interacting with the other man. He knew he was being a coward, and he really didn’t care. Any solace he’d found at Benny and Andrea’s the previous night had been worn away during the day.

Coast clear, Dean zoomed across the lounge room and closed his door behind him like a shield. He pressed his back against the door, waiting to see if Cas had noticed him at all. A minute passed, then another, and Dean relaxed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. He’d rescued it from the glovebox when he’d parked his Baby downstairs. Turning it back on, he nearly dropped it when it immediately started ringing. He fumbled it in his hands and accidently answered it.

“Dean Winchester.” He could hear Ellen’s voice without having the phone pressed to his ear. She did not sound happy. “Cas ordered you a cheeseburger, only Bobby just told me you ain’t coming tonight. You better get your ass down here. If you waste my good food, you’ll have hell to pay. You hear me?” Until that point she hadn’t paused to let his speak. “Well?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m on my way.”

“You better be. You’ve got ten minutes, park in the staff lot.” She hung up.

Dean scrubbed at his face. He should have known that Cas would be at the bar, he always met them after work on a Friday. Dean backtracked out of the apartment, grabbing his recently shed items on the way. The drive took a little over his allotted time and he prayed Ellen would forgive him the extra few minutes. It was strange walking through the back of The Roadhouse, but Ash had been waiting for him when he’d pulled in and he’d guided Dean through the odd passageways.

“They’re all front and center dude,” Ash said as he slapped Dean on the back and slipped behind the bar with Jo. Dean looked around and saw what awaited him. Two tables had been pulled together to fit everyone. Not just Bobby, Benny and Garth, but Ellen, Andrea and Bess were all seated. The only spare chair was between Cas and Ellen, with the aforesaid cheeseburger sitting in front of it. He didn’t think it had been there long, as everyone was still busy eating their own food.

Ellen must have been keeping an eye out for him and she looked up, pointed at him, then at the chair beside her. He inched his way through the crowd and lowered himself into the chair. “Good, now we’re all here,” Ellen smiled. “It’s about time Bobby turned these Friday night’s into family meals.”

Dean could hear Bobby making grumbling noises from the head of the table, but looking around Garth was beaming at Bess, and Benny had the same look of love directed at Andrea who sat at the other end of the table. It should have been nice. No, it was nice for everyone, everyone except Dean who was now sitting beside Cas, with no idea what to say or do. He didn’t know how to act. Should he ignore Cas or ignore what happened on Wednesday? He just didn’t know.

Dean picked up his burger and bit into it. If his mouth was full of food then no one could expect him to talk. Good plan, great plan, but it only lasted as long as there was food to eat. Dean then tried to stand to get a beer, but Ellen put her hand on his shoulder and called Jo over to take orders. He slumped in his seat, only realizing after he’d leaned back that Cas had his arm across the back of Dean’s chair. “Oh,” he’d breathed, looking at Cas stunned.

“Hello Dean,” Cas leaned into him and kissed him gently on the lips.

“I told you they were sweet,” Garth said.

“Yes, you did,” Bess replied.

“Go put some coins in the jukebox, Benny, I feel like dancing.” That was Andrea’s voice. 

However, Dean had stopped paying attention to everyone, concentrating fully on Cas. “Hey Cas,” Dean whispered softly.

“I am glad you came tonight. I was not sure that you would.” Cas smiled at Dean like he’d hung the moon just by being there.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Dean kept their conversation low, glancing sideways to make sure no one was listening to them. He might like all of his co-workers and their partners, but he didn’t want them to hear his conversation with Cas. “Can we talk later? At home?” he asked.

“I would like that,” Cas replied, smiling. 

Dean was surprised to find he liked that idea too. He really did want to talk with Cas, figure out exactly what was going on between them. No more assumptions, no more misdirection, an honest conversation about them and their future. Because that was what Dean wanted more than anything else, a future with Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the dreaded chapter 11 that I was stuck on for so long. Mostly because my muse wanted me to write my dcbb during that period of time. Chapters 12-14 are written and I'm working on 15 currently.
> 
> But I have a question for you all. If you could get Cas to ask Dean any one question, what would it be? I make no guarantees about using your suggestions, but I'm very interested to know what you're most interested in knowing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mr. Winchester, are you asking me to undress you?” Cas asked, as he worked Dean’s jacket off his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a big thank you to The Fox, drunk editing with you is always fun. I feel like I should drop some wine off for future chapters.  
> 
> 
> * * *

They got home late. It wasn’t that they planned to stay out all night, but every time they’d tried to slip away earlier in the evening someone had caught them, and they’d stayed a little bit longer. First it had been Bobby, who grabbed Dean by the arm and told him it was his fault Friday nights were now family nights.

“If you think you’re getting out of this,” he circled his finger in the air, “you’re a bigger idjit than I thought.” Dean and Cas sat back down. 

They tried again when Bobby left the table to sit at the bar after Ellen had gone back to work. Bess had spotted them and stepped between Dean and Cas, asking them all kinds of questions while steering them back to the tables. 

Dean actually enjoyed telling Bess the story of their First Kiss and she thought it was sweet. Cas waited until the end of the story to question if that was really their First Kiss, as they had kissed the night before. “Doesn’t count,” Dean said firmly.

“Why not?” Bess asked.

“Because a _First Kiss_ is lips touching lips,” Dean defended himself. “Brushing lips over a temple is not a First Kiss.”

“I agree,” Bess nodded her head.

“Shabookadook, you _brushed your lips_ over my temple, down the side of my face, along my jawbone, and my cheekbone. Most of my cheek, all of my ear, and parts of my neck and throat. How does none of that count?” Cas stared at him intensely.

“Yeah, how was none of that counted?” Bess questioned.

“Because our lips didn’t touch,” Dean asserted.

The third attempt to leave was thwarted by Benny, and the fourth by Andrea. After the fifth, Benny again, Dean gave up on sneaking out. He sat back and let the others buy him drinks and toast to his and Cas’ relationship. Quite without planning, Dean ended up drunk, very drunk. Plastered, sloshed, three sheets to the wind, drunk.

  


.oOo.

  


“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I am carrying you through the front door, Darling,” Castiel replied from underneath Dean’s arm.

“Yes you are,” Dean grinned down at him. “I need help getting’ my jacket ‘n’ shoes off,” he whispered conspiratorially. “You’re gonna need t’help me.”

“Mr. Winchester, are you asking me to undress you?” Cas asked, as he worked Dean’s jacket off his shoulders. “Because I’m fairly certain you can kick your own shoes off.”

He leaned against the wall and did so as Cas hung both their coats and toed his own shoes. “Cas,” Dean caught his hands and brought them to his chest. “We gotta talk right?”

Cas angled his face up and kissed Dean softly. “Yes, but we drank too much to talk tonight. Come on, you need a shower.” Dean allowed himself to be lead through to the bathroom. “I’m just going to grab you something to sleep in, then you can do your thing,” Cas gestured to Dean’s still fully clothed body and exited the room. He came back carrying a clean pair of boxer briefs and one of the threadbare shirts Dean liked to sleep in.

He watched while Cas played with the taps in the shower and pulled him close when he turned to leave. “Sleep with me tonight?” he asked, resting his head on Cas’ shoulder, his arms snaked around so he could lay his hands over Cas’ stomach. 

Cas drew in a sharp breath.

“No, not like that, I mean sleep-sleep,” Dean said hurriedly, realizing his mistake. “I wanna fall asleep with you, wake up with you inna mornin’,” He let Cas rotate in his arms so they faced each other. “Jus’ sleep, promise.” Dean watched the other man search his face before nodding once.

“Yes,” Cas pulled him in for a tight hug. “We can sleep together.” He drew back and looked down at his feet briefly. Looking back up their eyes met and Cas smiled. “You should get in the shower, I will finish the chores.” He pulled away, closing the door behind him.

Dean stripped, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor because he wasn’t sure he could bend over to pick them up without tumbling down. He stepped into the shower, testing the water temperature that Cas had set. It was slightly cooler than he normally showered in, but a small adjustment fixed that.

He made quick work of washing his hair, chest, armpits and groin. He’d showered at work at shift end, so this was more about freshening up after being in a bar all night. Shedding the scent of stale booze and the stench of cigarettes they’d walked through to catch a taxi home. He turned the water off and reached for his towel. Tomorrow morning wasn’t going to be any fun if the headache he could already feel swelling was any indication.

He dried, dressed, and carefully squatted to gather his abandoned clothes. He knew he’d need to plug his phone in to charge and it was still in his pocket. He staggered out of the bathroom and to his bedroom. Dropping all but the jeans in his laundry basket, he pulled the phone out. The charging cable was beside his bed, or it should have been beside his bed. Dean couldn’t find it. He searched the bedside table, and was on his knees to look under the bed when Cas found him.

“I brought you two Advil and water,” he said as he entered the room. “Dean, why are you on the floor?”

“I can’t find my phone charger,” Dean looked up, and accepted the painkillers and glass of water.

“I moved it into my room,” Cas tilted his head to the side. “You wanted to sleep together tonight.” 

“I did. I do,” Dean climbed to his feet. “I jus’ thought you’d be in here with me.”

Cas shuffled and looked back at the door, squaring his shoulders. “No, I do not want to sleep in this room. We will sleep in my room.” He looked so worried that Dean swept him up in his arms.

“I’d love to share your bed Cas,” Dean kissed him lightly on the forehead.

“I need to have my shower still. You should drink more water.”

“I’ll go sit in the kitchen and drink all the water,” Dean agreed, even though Cas hadn’t really asked a question. He was sobering fast. The realization that he was going to be sharing Cas’ bed tonight, that he was going to hold the gorgeous man in his arms all night, was something he wanted to be present for and not locked in a drunken haze.

Dean walked Cas to the bathroom and kissed him again in the doorway before they finally separated. Dean went to the kitchen and refilled the glass Cas had brought him with orange juice from the fridge. He knew Cas had said water, but one glass of juice would be fine. He gulped it down and then filled it again with water, which he also drained. The next glass he sipped at slowly as he listened to the shower turn off, and the sound of Cas brushing his teeth. Dean picked up Cas’ abandoned glass from the side, refilled both, and walked back to the hallway to meet Cas coming out of the bathroom. 

“Thank you Dean,” Cas accepted the glass and asked if Dean was ready to sleep.

“I need t’brush my teeth ‘n’ grab my phone,” he answered. Cas took Dean’s glass from his hand and nudged him into the bathroom, saying he’d put it on Dean’s side of the bed. Dean couldn’t help grinning the whole time he brushed his teeth. Dean had his own side of Cas’ bed. He spat out the toothpaste, rinsed his mouth and the toothbrush, and washed his hands. All while still grinning.

He hesitated in his room with his phone in his hand, looking at the drawer where all of his supplies lived. He knew it wasn’t the plan and it wasn’t even what he wanted for tonight. He’d been honest with Cas when he’d said he just wanted to sleep with Cas tonight, no funny business. If Cas had other ideas, well they’d just have to use Cas’ supplies, or come back in here to get Dean’s if Cas didn’t have any. Dean was not going to carry a box of condoms and brand new bottle of lube into Cas’ room. Not tonight anyway.

Dean stopped in the doorway of Cas’ bedroom. Cas was already sitting on his bed with the covers turned down, but Cas’ feet were slipped underneath. He was dressed in flannel pants, Dean’s favorite pair, blue with yellow suns, white clouds, and bumblebees on them. 

Dean had asked once about Cas’ pajama bottoms, as he’d never seen anything like them in any store. Cas had been wearing a green pair that had white sheep with little black faces and legs. Cas had confessed he’d bought the material himself and had them made. All of his pajama pants were custom made for him, either flannel or jersey cotton prints he’d found on clearance. Dean suspected the prints were meant for nurseries but they all suited Cas perfectly.

“Hey Cas.”

“Hello Dean,” Cas smiled that gummy smile of his that Dean adored. “You can come in.”

Dean walked around the bed and saw his phone cable sitting across the table next to his glass of water. He sat on the edge of the bed and attached his phone to the cable. He took a mouthful of water, and set the glass back on its coaster. He took a deep breath and swung his legs up onto the bed, mirroring Cas’ position.

Dean reached over and switched his lamp off. His lamp, on his bedside table, on his side of Cas’ bed. There was a warmth spreading through his body as he thought about that. It wasn’t centered in his groin, or even in the pit of his stomach. This warmth was spreading from his chest, and to be honest it scared Dean as much as it thrilled him. Whatever was happening here with Cas, it was new, special and unique. Something Dean had never felt before and it scared him. Dean didn’t want to examine it too closely. He didn’t want to think about what it meant or what it could be. What he wanted was to curl around Cas and hold him close all night long.

Dean slid down into the bed, pulling the covers up and rolled onto his side facing Cas. “Come here,” he patted the space right in front of him, hoping Cas would turn his light off and shuffle over into his arms. Dean curled his right arm up underneath his pillow, resting his head in the crook between shoulder, elbow and wrist as his hand curled back around his neck. He held the blankets up with his left hand, hoping to entice Cas into his space.

It must have worked as Cas rearranged himself in the bed. Knees brushing as they lay face to face, a sizable gap between their upper bodies as Cas propped his head in his hand, lamp still on. “Rosebud,” Cas caught and held Dean’s eyes. “I know I said we were not going to talk tonight. But I have to know one thing.”

“Whatever you want to know Cas,” Dean steeled himself. There were so many things Cas could be about to ask. However, Dean was resolute that no matter what question he asked, Dean was going to answer it as honestly and as completely as he could.

“Why did you stop using pet names?” The hurt was clear on Cas’ face, and Dean felt the warmth that had been building in his chest crumple.

“Cas,” Dean reached forward and gripped Cas’ hip pulling him forward while also applying pressure so that Cas rolled onto his back. Once Dean had him pressed up tight against his own body, he started talking. “When I was a freshman, at the first High School I went too, there was a female Vice Principal, I don’t remember her name anymore.” That actually made Dean feel sad, he could still picture her, and remembered her having a positive impact on him, but her name was lost to him. “Anyway, she called all of us Dear. All the students that is, and I asked her about it once, and she told me it was so she didn’t have to remember everyone’s names all at once.” Dean rubbed his hand along Cas’ arm. “It stuck with me, you know? Dear, Sweetie, Babe. That’s what you call people when you don’t know, or you can’t be bothered to learn their names.”

Dean lifted himself up so he could look down at Cas. “I know who you are. You’re Cas, my Cas. I always want you to know _I know_ who I’m with when I’m with you.” Cas surged up and kissed him. Dean cupped his face and softened the kiss. “Sleep, Cas.” He smiled, it was late, and they had a full day planned tomorrow. Cas pulled away long enough to turn his light off, and scooted back in the bed to play little spoon to Dean’s big.

Dean drifted off to sleep with the smell of Cas in his nose as he nuzzled at the hair on the back of Cas’ neck, and the feel of the nap of the fabric of Cas’ sleeping pants under his fingers where he held Cas’ hip close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take time to thank Dean_The_princess_Winchester, FelixMaroussia, Slsheeba567 and Guuurrrl.  
> I know it's still weeks away before I post chapter 15, but chatting with you either on Messenger or Tumblr, and reading your comments, they all helped to make 15 what it is and I wanted to acknowledge you all. <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes, Dean?” Cas voice was sleep-filled, husky and adorable. He shuffled forward, bringing their bodies into full contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise chapter!  
> Okay so, two weeks ago my Tuesdays changed and it's been difficult to squeeze posting in. Like I've been uploading and saving on a Sunday night, when I have time to check formatting and stuff, because I only have time to hit post on a Tuesday now.
> 
> So I'm posting on Sundays now, with the small proviso that The Fox has gotten the chapter back to me in time to do so. She's a very busy Fox and our agreement is that I send her the next chapter on a Friday, and she has until COB Tuesday to get it back to me. To date I have gotten chapters back as early as a Friday night, and the latest was today which was mid morning Sunday.  
> But as I said she is a very busy Fox and I'm not changing our agreement on her, because I am seriously lucky that she's editing for me.
> 
> * * *

Dean woke slowly. He was bundled up in blankets and held tightly by Cas. At some point during the night they’d rolled over and Cas was now curled up behind Dean with his face was pressed between Dean’s shoulder blades. Cas’ arm encircled him, his hand fisted the thin cotton of Dean’s t-shirt. Dean didn’t know if Cas was awake and if he was, did Cas know that Dean was awake too?

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas voice was sleep-filled, husky and adorable. He shuffled forward, bringing their bodies into full contact and Dean didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved that neither man showed any signs of morning glory.

Cas’ mouth pressed against the flesh of Dean’s neck. He had to remind himself he’d said he only wanted to sleep with Cas last night. Well that answered Dean’s unasked question, it was for the best that there weren’t any additional temptations this morning.

“Mornin’.” Dean shifted in Cas’ arms until he was lying on his back. Cas snuggled in close and they stayed like that for a time, comfortable in the silence.

“Dean...” There was a hesitation in Cas’ voice, but he continued speaking. “I have thought about what you said last night. I understand your reasons, however, I would like you to call me by a special name. Something you do not use with anyone else, something unique. A name all of my own.” He looked up shyly through eyelashes still filled with sleep, cheeks and lips rosy with early morning blush, and Dean was lost.

He wanted this, every morning, from this day forward. To wake up with Cas, morning breath and all. Dean wanted him, want it, wanted everything. He rolled them both over and tenderly kissed Cas. He held himself up on his elbows as they kissed, wedged his knee between Cas’ so that Dean’s growing interest was kept away from the man lying under him. Now wasn’t the time for sex, now was a time for playful bantering.

“How about Sugar-lips?”

“No,” Cas chased Dean’s lips with his own.

“Honey-toast? Munchkin? Dreamboat?” Cas just looked at him, so Dean continued with, “Romeo? Casanova? Prince Charming?”

“Dean.” The warning was clear, but Dean was having fun now.

“Puddin’? Cowboy? Star-sweeper? How about Teddy or Bunny or Petkins?”

“No.” Cas was saved from any further atrocities when Dean’s phone disrupted everything. Dean jerked away from Cas reaching for the evil piece of technology. He had to clamber across the bed to reach it and by the time he did Cas had disappeared.

Looking at the display he answered it saying, “Sam, your timing sucks.” He pressed the button to switch to speaker phone and tossed it onto the bed beside him. He needed his hands free to adjust himself and his clothing.

“Good morning to you too. I’m downstairs waiting for the elevator.” Dean could hear the ding as it arrived.

“I’ll meet you at the door,” Dean picked his phone up and ended the call. He eased out of the bed and straightened the blankets, doing the same on Cas’ side before heading back to his own room to grab a pair of sweatpants to pull over his underwear. He could hear the sound of the shower running, and he assumed Cas was doing whatever he needed to do. Sam was knocking on the door as Dean reached it. “You’re a fucking cock-block,” he said by way of greeting.

“So I take it you two talked then?” Sam pushed his way into the apartment and toed his shoes off, taking the time to arrange them neatly against the wall.

“Not talking about this with you, Sam.” Dean headed for the kitchen and popped two Advil, draining a glass of water while he was at it. “Did you pick my Baby up?”

“You should eat something if you’re taking painkillers,” Sam followed Dean into the kitchen.

“Yes, mother hen. Did you get my Baby?” Dean had called Sam the night before when he and Cas left The Roadhouse and changed their morning plans from Dean driving to pick up Sam, to Sam picking up the Impala and driving it back to the apartment.

“Yes Dean, your car is safely parked downstairs,” Sam answered.

Dean smiled. “ ’m gonna get dressed and when Cas’ ready, we’ll get breakfast.” Dean left his brother in the kitchen and knocked on the bathroom door calling out, “Sam’s here.”

 

 

.oOo.

 

“Mornin’ guys, I’ll have your coffees brought out to you when they’re ready,” the barista called as they walked through the door of Cas’ favorite café. Dean and Cas ate there every Saturday they both had off, and Sam joined them often enough that they were all well known.

It wasn’t the type of greasy spoon diner Dean would normally go to. However, they did a full English breakfast with house-made baked beans which were so good that Dean often went there without Cas or Sam.

They walked through the space and found a booth. Dean slid into the seat after Cas, leaving the opposite side for Sam. “Hottie? Spunkie? Cutie? Hunkie?” Dean watched Cas’ face closely as he continued working his way through pet names. He could tell Cas didn’t like any of those, but it was Sam who answered him.

“Ah, guys? What’re you doing?” Sam questioned.

“Dean agreed this morning to using a singular term of endearment,” Cas explained to Sam, but his eyes hadn’t left Dean while he spoke. “We’re still looking for the right one.”

“Baby-face? Stud? Heartthrob? Lover?” Dean tried.

“I do not want a name that suggests I am a child. That would make me very uncomfortable,” Cas stated bluntly. “Also, ‘Lover’ isn’t true.” Dean’s face fell, but his cocky smirk was quickly reinstated when Cas added, “Not yet, anyway.”

“So stuff like Ladybug, Squidgie, and Doll would be out then. Have you tried Dear or Hon?” Sam suggested.

“Sam, I’m not using something you came up with.” Dean grimaced, he’d been thinking about attempting Doll after a few more throw away names. It had good potential, or it _had_ good potential until Cas said he didn’t want anything childish. Dean knew exactly what Cas meant. He had a bunch of cute names he used with the kids in the building where they lived. Muscles, Doll, Superman, Wonder Woman, Ladybug, Muppet…

It really would be strange calling one of the kids something in the morning, and then whispering the same name into Cas’ ear later that night. Thinking about it that way, Dean wasn’t sure there was a name other than ‘Cas’ he wanted to be calling out in the throes of passion. That changed Dean’s whole game plan, not that he’d had a plan up ‘til now. He’d just been throwing out names willy-nilly. Now, however, Dean knew he needed a name for Cas that he would somehow have to be comfortable using during sex. Okay, time to get rid of a bunch of names he knew would never pass muster while he thought about this.

“So are you being adventurous today? Or would you all like your usuals?” asked Charlie as she placed their coffees in front of them.

“Hey Charlie, I’ll stick with the muesli and fresh fruit thanks,” Sam grinned up at her.

Cas scanned the menu before ordering. “I’ll have the Eggs Florentine today.”

“And an English for you, right?” Charlie smirked at Dean.

“No,” Dean took pleasure in the shocked expressions of everyone’s faces. “I’m going to have the Huevos Rancheros, and make them extra hot.”

“Okay then, one Huevos Rancheros, flaming hot.” Charlie scribbled on her order-pad and walked off.

The time between Charlie taking their order and her bringing it out to them passed with Cas asking Sam about his assignments and discussing his classes. When Charlie put Dean’s bowl in front of him the peppers weren’t just visible, they dominated the plate. “We don’t have time for you to shower after breakfast, Dean,” Sam said warningly.

“Sure we do.” Even Dean knew he’d need to have a shower after eating this many peppers. He’d be lucky if he didn’t sweat through both his henley and his plaid. He took his first taste and changed his mind, he was going to be sopping wet after eating this. He felt sorry for Cas sitting next to him.

“Dean, the movie starts in less than an hour,” Sam bitch-faced at his older brother.

“Actually, we have time,” Cas interjected. “As long as we’re out of here in 15 minutes, we have enough time to go back to the condo, Dean to have a 5 minute shower, and walk to the theater. The movie starts at 11am but there will be 10 minutes of pre-show, so we even have some extra time.”

“Cas, buddy, the plan was for us to do the _thing_. We’re not actually watching Star Wars.”

“What?!” Twin exclamations came from both Sam and Charlie as she walked past their table.

“What do you mean you’re not watching Star Wars?” Charlie beat out Sam in asking. “You guys have been talking about going to watch it for weeks. Hell, I changed my shifts so I could come with.”

“We’re still going to watch Star Wars, Charlie, I already bought the tickets. We’ll come back and pick you and Anna up after Dean changes,” Cas reassured her. “I reject Buddy,” he directed at Dean.

“That wasn’t a—, never mind, we have the _THING_ Cas,” Dean hissed.

“ ‘A New Hope’ starts at 11am and goes for 121 minutes so we can be out of the theater by 12:30 and ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ does not start until 3pm. We have two and a half hours to do the _“thing”_ Dean,” Cas explained their timetable, even making little air quotes as he said thing. Charlie nodded and continued taking the plates of food she was carrying to another table.

“What thing?” Sam demanded.

“Nothing,” Dean answered.

“Dean, you’ve just made a huge deal about the _thing_ ,” Sam said, unimpressed.

“You should be eating, Sam, we only have 12 minutes now before we need to get going.” Cas had started eating as soon as he’d explained how they were going to see the movies and have time for Dean’s secret shopping trip.

Dean grinned. “Yeah, Sammy, less chatting more eating, we have places to be and _things_ to do.”

Sam majorly bitchfaced at Dean, but started eating his breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am nearly finished chapter 16, and I've worked out that it will post on the 30th July. The following weekend is the beginning of GISHWHES, and both the Fox and I are participating again this year.  
> Being the Future Dwellers that we are, it runs Sunday to Sunday for us. **IF** we are able to, chapter 17 will post on Saturday the 5th, **BUT** only if the stars align, otherwise I'm warning you all now, that there may be a two week hiatus from us as we participate in mayhem and madness.  
>  I honestly don't know, it's all up in the air, but I like to warn early :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was Dean ready to say _I love you_ to Cas?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's a big thank you from me to The Fox, who streamlined this chapter into the tight bridge that it is.
> 
> * * *

Dean dropped Sam back at his dorm, it had been a long day. After breakfast he had rushed back to the apartment for a quick shower because, as predicted, Dean had sweated through both his shirts. He didn’t know if eating such hot peppers helped at all as a hangover cure, but he was sure it’d be a long while before he drank that much again.

Dean had made Sam come back to the apartment with him. He didn’t trust leaving his brother and his boyfriend together unchaperoned currently. Who knew what the two of them would start talking about without him there to stop them? Cas had stayed behind to pay and he met them at the theater along with Charlie and Anna. It made more sense to separate and come back together, rather than backtracking and detouring.

They’d all met in plenty of time to watch ‘A New Hope’. Knowing from experience that Dean and Sam could and would quote the entire movie, Cas had insisted prior to them entering the theater that everyone pick a single character. Dean had immediately called Han Solo before he even listened to the rest of the rules. Charlie had been just as fast calling dibbs on Princess Leia. After their interruption, Cas told them all they could only speak the dialogue of their chosen character. Dean had expected Sam to take Luke but he’d taken C3PO instead, Anna took Luke and Cas selected Chewbacca.

Dean was worried they were going to be thrown out of the theater when they first started, but most of the crowd were speaking along with them for the more well-known quotes, so he’d relaxed into the role and had fun with it. The five of them strolled out afterwards, promising to meet up again at ten to three for ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. Charlie and Anna had their own plans for the afternoon.

As soon as they left Sam had demanded to know what the big secret was. After unsuccessfully arguing with Dean about him spending all of his money on Sam, he’d pulled Dean into an enormous bear hug, the kind where Sam completely engulfed Dean and hugged his with his entire body and soul. Then they’d gone shopping for a brand new laptop for Sam.

His old one was just that – old. While it hadn’t yet started to fail when Dean had started saving for a new one for Sam, it was now developing bad sectors on the hard drive and it was only a matter of time before it died completely. They’d had enough time to purchase it and walk it back to Dean and Cas’ home before heading back to the theater.

Again, Cas had required everyone to choose a character and Dean had again gone with Han Solo. However, Charlie and Cas had a hot and heavy whispered argument and Cas had taken Leia Organa for the fifth episode. Sam switched to Luke Skywalker, Charlie picked up Yoda and Anna shocked everyone by taking Darth Vader. She defended her choice by saying someone had to say “No. I am your father.” Upon her utterance of the correct line Charlie had squealed and kissed her girlfriend.

The movie had been another successful rendition by their group but Han Solo’s final scene had deeply shaken Dean. When Cas had taken his hand and looked directly into his eyes and spoken Leia’s famous “I love you,” Dean had stuttered and nearly missed saying, “I know.”

Dean still wasn’t sure if Cas was quoting the movie, or if he was declaring his love. No one else caught the moment and Dean didn’t know what to do with it. He wanted to ask Cas if he meant it. But the two simple rules were: 1 - Never ask a question if you don’t already know what the answer is going to be, and 2 - Never ask a question if you don’t like what the answer is going to be.

Dean didn’t know what Cas’ answer would be, and he didn’t know if he was ready to know the answer anyway. What if Cas did love him? Dean could feel the warmth in his chest at that thought. Did Dean love Cas? Or more importantly was Dean able to say those words to anyone? No, not anyone. Was Dean ready to say _I love you_ to Cas?

He’d been so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t notice that they’d spilled out on to the street. He’d also blindly agreed to the decision to head to Charlie’s and order in pizza. Her studio was closer to the theater than Dean and Cas’ home. He’d walked arm in arm with Cas at the back of the group, only snapping out of his introspection once they’d arrived and Charlie thrown an oversized square pillow at his head.

Charlie had a small mountain of the pillows for people to sit on. The only other surfaces in her studio were two barstools at a high bench against her kitchen wall, a small coffee table pushed against the other wall and her bed in the corner opposite. Otherwise the floor space was wide open. Everyone was given a pillow and the table was pulled into the center for the pizza to rest on once it arrived.

Two and a half hours passed much too fast for Dean’s liking. By seven they were back to watch the final movie, ‘Return of the Jedi’. Charlie called Leia before anyone could even bring up picking characters, and as soon as she did, Anna snuck in and stole Han Solo out from under Dean. Sam grabbed Luke while he was still spluttering and Cas reprised his role as Chewbacca. Dean looked at them all like they’d orchestrated some master conspiracy to leave him with Darth Vader.

Dean couldn’t help but draw parallels between Vader’s redemption arc and how he chose family and love over everything he’d been taught by Palpatine. The rejection of everything he’d been to once again become the hero he was always meant to be. Dean could find a mirror for all of that in his own life. 

Dean had carried Sam out of their burning house, he’d looked after Sam his whole life, rebelling against his father and choosing to follow Sam to California. Finding love with Cas, and acceptance with his new friends. Walking through the wilderness that was his childhood and finding a family worth fighting for.

They’d walked Charlie and Anna home, and from there they headed back to Dean and Cas’ apartment to pick up Sam’s new laptop. Sam had said goodnight to Cas and Dean drove him back to his dorm.

“See you Monday,” Dean said as Sam climbed out of the Impala.

“Whatever is going on, I want answers on Monday, Dean,” Sam stuck his head back through the open door to look him. “I know you’re allergic to talking about your feelings, but Cas isn’t.”

“Was that a threat? Or a warning?” Dean asked.

“Both,” Sam straightened up and shut the car door. “Monday!” he called through the closed window, tapping on the glass with his finger.

“Yeah yeah,” Dean muttered to himself as he pulled away and headed home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mine.”
> 
> “Yours,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to The Fox, I couldn't do this without you
> 
> * * *

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m in the bedroom, Darling,” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.

Dean stumbled as he toed his boots off. Did Cas just say _the bedroom_? That couldn’t be right, Dean must have misheard. Shouldn’t Cas have said he was in _his_ bedroom? “The bedroom” could mean anything. Was Cas in his bedroom? Was he in Dean’s bedroom? Was he in _their_ bedroom? Oh god, Dean wanted Cas’ room to be their bedroom so much. He never wanted to wake up in his ~~old~~ room by himself again. Not after waking up with Cas this morning.

“Dean?” Cas entered the foyer. “Is something the matter?”

Dean turned to Cas, meeting his eyes briefly before looking down at his lips. He remembered his fantasy of kissing Cas hello. He groaned and went for it. He swept Cas up in his arms and walked him backwards into the wall. Dean slotted his knee between Cas’ legs, pinning him with his hips. He pressed his hands against the wall either side of Cas’ face, boxing him in. Leaning forward Dean pressed them together from hip to shoulder, running his nose and lips from Cas’ collarbone up to behind his ear, breathing in Cas’ scent. Dean nibbled at the bolt of Cas’ jaw, rasping his stubble over Cas’ five o’clock shadow.

Lips barely touching, Dean answered, “Nothing’s the matter Cas. I realized I was coming home, to you… and it took my breath way. You take my breath away.”

Dean shivered under Cas’ hands as they ran lightly from his hips up his ribcage and around his back, pulling him even tighter to Cas’ body. Cas tilted his head to the side and captured Dean’s mouth with his lips, sucking lightly on Dean’s bottom lip until he gasped with pleasure. The kiss deepened, tongues exploring each other, and the other’s mouth. 

Open mouths panting for breath, foreheads touching and noses side by side, Dean’s hands moved inward to Cas’ body. His left hand flexed over the skin exposed by Cas’ low riding jeans and the right in his hair, mussing it even more than usual. Cas’ right hand gripped Dean’s shoulder and his left cupped Dean’s thigh pulling him forward. Dean wanted to move, the urge to rut against Cas was too great and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself in check. “Cas.”

“Dean.”

“I need,” Dean paused, making sure that the next words out of his mouth were the correct ones, “to help you with the night time chores.”

“I did them while you were driving Sam home,” Cas leaned back so his head was resting against the wall. “Did you want to shower first?”

“Sure,” Dean kissed Cas sweetly one more time before he turned away and headed to the bathroom.

  


.oOo.

  


It was a little past 9:30pm and while he was tired, it was too early for sleep, especially on a Saturday night. It had been a long day and Dean was lying in bed reading. ‘1984’ wasn’t exactly light reading but it suited Dean’s mood. _Thought police_ , the changing of language by the removal of words, restricting how people communicated with each other. There was much too much in Winston’s world that Dean found reflected in his own.

“Dean.” Cas was standing in his open doorway. His robe hung open, exposing a line of skin down his chest to his cute mauve sleeping pants, patterned with palm sized frolicking bunnies, all with ribbons in lemon yellow, candy pink, sky blue, and mint green tied in bows. “I am going to make a hot chocolate and read on the couch. Would you like to join me?” Cas waved the book in his own hand toward the living room.

“I’d like that, yeah,” Dean threw the covers back and followed Cas. He tucked the latest scrap of paper he was using as a bookmark into the book and left it on the couch as he walked passed it. Dean noticed Cas had brought out his pillows and propped them up at Dean’s end of the sofa. He grinned. Cas hadn’t just asked him to come out and read, Cas wanted to snuggle together, while reading. Dean was more than happy to oblige him.

Dean wandered into the kitchen where he found Cas heating milk on the stovetop, whisk in hand. Dean walked up behind him and watched the milk change color as the chocolate melted. He rested his hands on Cas’ hips and tried to remember the last time they hadn’t ended an evening drinking hot chocolate on the couch. 

Usually they’d turn the TV on and watch whatever they found. Sometimes Dean would pull out one of his precious vinyl albums and they’d listen to that, and occasionally like tonight they’d read. But with the exception of Friday nights, Dean couldn’t remember the last time they had not finished with hot chocolate. 

“Sugar-smacks, I wanna take you out,” Dean murmured into Cas’ ear.

“No.”

“No?” That wasn’t the — very blunt — answer Dean had been expecting.

“You’re not calling me Sugar-smacks. No Sugar-anything. Where did you want to go?” Cas pulled the milk pan from the heat and poured the contents into their waiting mugs. “When did you want to go?” 

“Dinner, somewhere nice,” Dean moved to the fridge and looked at the calendar Cas wrote everything on. A neat row of Sunday’s all with ‘Farmers Market’ written in the middle of each square. The weekdays all listed Dean’s work hours 07:30-18:00, along with Castiel’s 08:30-17:00. Monday nights had ‘Sam Dinner’, Tuesday’s were ‘Theater’, Wednesday’s ‘Steak & Show’, Thursday’s were again marked ‘Sam Dinner’. Except for this last Thursday, where the ‘Sam Dinner’ had been crossed out. Cas would have done that on Wednesday when Sam canceled. But looking at the square Dean noticed there was another listing: ‘Castiel Breakfast Meeting 7am’.

Cas hadn’t been avoiding him two mornings ago. He’d left early for his work thing, and even though he’d had to get up early, he’d still taken the time to make Dean coffee and leave him a note reminding him to take lunch. Dean felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He’d been so quick to jump to conclusions, if he’d just bothered to look at the calendar he’d have known.

“We don’t have anything planned for tomorrow night,” Cas handed the second cup to Dean and pointed at the sheet with his now free hand. “I know we both work half days next Saturday, but we’re free that evening. Or we could skip the movies on Tuesday, I guess?” Cas sounded unsure about that last suggestion.

“We didn’t go last Tuesday, we should go this week,” Dean plucked the pen from on top of the fridge. “Let’s say Saturday, to give me time to make a booking somewhere.”

“You want to go somewhere that needs a reservation?” Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at Dean. The kind of places that required such were not Dean’s normal choice for a meal, and Cas was well aware of that fact.

“Yeah, I want to take you somewhere nice, show you off, have everyone be jealous because you’re on my arm and not theirs.” Dean filled the square in ‘Cas & Dean Date Night’.

“Maybe they will be jealous that I have you,” Cas sipped from his mug.

Dean made some random negative sound.

“Dean, do I have you?”

He deliberately removed Cas’ mug from his hand and placed both on the counter. Dean turned them from the calendar they’d still been facing and stood toe to toe with Cas. “You have me, Cas,” Dean stared into Cas’ blue eyes. “All of me. I’m here for you, body and soul.”

Cas stared back for a long moment. He reached up and gripped Dean’s shoulder with his right hand, and cupped his cheek with his left. Dean nuzzled his face into Cas’ palm and didn’t resist when Cas pulled him down for a kiss. He was used to their kisses being soft and sweet, even when they were filled with hunger and want, they were velvety and delicate. Not this kiss.

Cas devoured him, kissed him for everything he was worth and then some. There was nothing subtle in this meeting of their mouths. Lips crushed lips, Cas’ tongue slid into Dean’s mouth and Dean was lost. Until now, Dean had led and Cas had followed, but now Cas dominated him, he was a hurricane and Dean was windswept left clutching Cas for dear life. “Mine.”

“Yours,” Dean agreed, trying to catch his breath. Cas nodded and picked up the cups carrying them out to the couch. Dean let him go. He needed a moment to adjust, and not just what was happening in his underwear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have introduced The Fox to ABO I didn't meant to, but... Well this was the start of our exchange
> 
> **The Fox** : I don't think "rut against" is quite the right usage. I get what you mean by it. How would you feel about rub or grind?  
> Me: Rut is an ABO fanfic term. Please leave it, not that this is ABO, but it's very specific and fanfic readers will get it


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas?” Dean murmured as he reached up to turn a page that didn’t need turning.
> 
> “Yes, Dean?”
> 
> Dean ran his hand down Cas’ body to the belt again. “Can I?” He tugged gently on one of the ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I all wish that you could meet The Fox and see what a wonderful person she is, this fic truly wouldn't be what it is without her love and attention.
> 
> * * *

Dean and Cas lay on the couch reading. It should have been uncomfortable or annoying. They should have been fighting for space and struggling to turning pages without elbowing each other, but they weren’t, they just fit together. This was probably helped by the fact that Dean wasn’t really reading his book. Reading about Winston’s doomed love for Julia while he had Cas in his arms just wasn’t happening.

Rather, Dean held his book open above Cas’ head while he trailed his fingers down Cas’ arm, side and hip. His fingers tangled *cough* accidently *cough* in the bow holding Cas’ robe closed. Dean may have — okay, he definitely _did_ — test how tightly tied the belt was, as he disengaged his fingers.

“Cas?” Dean murmured as he reached up to turn a page that didn’t need turning.

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean ran his hand down Cas’ body to the belt again. “Can I?” He tugged gently on one of the ends.

He made some noncommittal yet positive sounding noises. Dean wasn’t sure if that was permission or not, but he was too worried about what it might mean if he asked again that he choose to proceed with caution. He pulled the belt end, smooth and steady, slow enough that Cas had plenty of time to stop him if he wanted. Dean reached back up to where the bow had come undone and slipped his fingers under the half knot left holding Cas’ robe closed.

He hesitated, and kissed Cas’ brow before applying the same pressure to fully release the belt. The two ends lay fallow running down the length of Cas. Dean’s breath hitched as Cas squirmed in his arms, but he resettled again after turning his own page, somehow managing to have his robe gape quite invitingly open.

“Cas?” Dean toyed with the lapel of Cas’ robe, not pulling it further open yet. 

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean made sure his intention was clear with his movements. “Can I?” He allowed his thumb to skim Cas’ bare skin as he opened the robe. 

Cas made the same noncommittal noises as before, yet this time Dean knew they were a positive response to his question. He drew the lapel over, tucking the edge under Cas so his own body held it open. Dean then skimmed his fingers across the skin of Cas’ stomach, spreading his hand and letting in come into full contact. The tips of Dean’s fingers brushed the bottom of Cas’ sternum, his palm flush with Cas’ warmth.

Dean didn’t realize he’d been holding his own breath until Cas inhaled and he felt his diaphragm expand under his hand. He shifted his hand up and to the left, wanting to feel Cas’ heartbeat, grazing Cas’ nipple with his pinky along the way. Cas gasped at the contact and Dean stopped moving. Their eyes held each other, they breathed the same air in short swallow bursts.

“Dean?”

“Yes, Cas?”

“Please.”

Was he asking for more? Less? Dean didn’t know, but Cas’ blue eyes were blown wide open, and he’d dropped his book to the side. He leaned down and kissed Cas, softly, gently, without demand, allowing Cas to set the pace as he rubbed the pads of his fingers over the tight nub of flesh. “Jesus, Cas, you could cut glass with this,” he whispered when their lips parted.

Cas threw his head back laughing and the moment was lost. He pulled his robe closed again and Dean let him. Sitting up, Cas picked up their cold and forgotten chocolate, neither more than half drunk. “We should go to bed,” he carried the cups into the kitchen, making short work of cleaning them. Dean went to help but Cas shooed him off to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Dean was about to spit and rinse when Cas reached around him to grab his own toothbrush. He stepped to the side to make more room at the sink, thankful for the first time that the bathroom was - while not tiny - small enough that there was only the one sink. They stood shoulder-to-elbow brushing their teeth and Dean couldn’t have been happier. Dean spat into the sink and Cas followed, continuing to brush longer than either needed too, watching each other in the mirror, grinning like idiots.

Cas turned the water on and cleaned his toothbrush, cupped his hand under the running watch and washed the excess foam from his mouth. He filled a cup left in the bathroom for just this purpose and gargled water as Dean followed the same routine. Cas handed him the glass still half full of water and left the bathroom. Dean rinsed his mouth, and wiped the sink out with a washcloth throwing it into the hamper at the end of the bench. He turned the light off, startled to find Cas still in the small hallway in front of his doorway.

“Are you joining me again?” Cas asked, uncertain.

“Only if you want me to,” Dean answered. Did Cas want him to? He steeled himself to not react if Cas refused. Instead, he felt Cas take his hand and he opened his eyes, he hadn’t realized he’d closed.

“Just to sleep?”

“Yeah, Cas, just to sleep,” Dean smiled, another morning waking up with Cas in his future. He trailed Cas into his room, walking passed him to Dean’s side of the bed. ~ _My side of the bed_ ~

Cas turned off the last light in the apartment and they climbed into bed together in the dark. Dean lay on his back, his arms curled up under his pillow, luxuriating in the feel of Cas’ bedding. It should have felt the same as his bed, but the smell of Cas permeated these sheets after they’d been on Cas’ bed for nearly a week. They’d be changed on Monday by the cleaners, but right now Dean was surrounded by the scent of Cas.

Then he was surrounded by Cas himself. Okay, not surrounded, but Cas had slid across the bed and curled up against Dean’s right side, one knee resting on across Dean’s leg. Cas’ right hand draped over Dean’s chest, fingertips curling around his shoulder.

“Dean?”

“Yes, Cas?”

“Can I,” he pressed a kiss against Dean’s chest, “ask you another question?”

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean lowered his arm curling it around Cas, pulling him in tighter. No matter what he asked, Dean knew that he’d answer.

“You have been so patient with me, as a roommate, then first as a friend and then as a boyfriend. Even now with sleeping together, you have not pushed me for more than I have been ready for,” Cas burrowed himself under the blankets, while staying in complete contact with Dean. Only Cas’ dark hair showed, and only because it was a stark contrast to the white sheets on the bed. 

Dean could feel Cas speak from the rumble in his chest pressed against Dean’s side, but he couldn’t make out the words. He snuck his fingers under Cas’ chin and tilted his face upwards. “I can’t hear you when you’re hiding under the covers Cas.”

“Oh,” Cas took a deep breath and hurried through his words, obviously trying to just get them out. “What do you need Dean? From me? In our relationship.”

“Hey,” Dean found Cas’ lips with his own. “I have everything I need right here in my arms. I don’t need anything else Cas, just you here with me.”

Cas pulled himself up and onto Dean’s body, lying half across his chest and hips, aligned so he could look down at Dean. “Dean, we both know you are highly sexual. You were still going out and having flings right up until you first asked me out.” Dean had been distracted by Cas’ muscled thigh pressing against his groin and trying to not react to it when Cas’ words washed over him.

Dean mentally calculated when his last one night stand had been. He was shocked when he realized Cas thought they’d been dating since that first Friday he’d taken Cas to The Roadhouse. ~ _Shit, I’ve been quiet for too long. Damnit Dean! Stop making this weird._ ~

“Cas, I...” he stopped, not really sure what he could say in this moment. “I don’t need sex. Sure, it’s nice and all, and I’m not going to lie, I’m looking forward to when we finally do. _If_ we ever do,” he changed what he was saying. The last thing Dean ever wanted was for Cas to feel pressured or like he had to perform. “I’m a big boy, Cas, I can look after myself.”

Cas slid his thigh up and down. “You sure are,” he teased. Dean’s body reacted instantly, blood racing to fill a _very_ interested Little Dean.

“Cas, stop that,” Dean pushed his tormentor off his body and onto his own side of the bed. “Roll over Cas and go to sleep.”

“I am sorry Dean,” he whispered once he was facing the other way.

“Don’t,” Dean moved in, leaving a respectable distance between their hips, but plastering his chest to Cas’ back. “Don’t go there Cas. You haven’t done anything wrong. I enjoyed what you just did, and it’s on me for not having better control.” Dean held him tightly, kissing the back of Cas’ neck and the top of his shoulder.

Dean settled in behind Cas, getting comfortable so they’d both be able to sleep. However, his thoughts were racing. Cas thought they’d been dating for months. Months and months, and Dean had had no idea. He rested his hand on Cas’ hip, fingering the material of his sleep pants. Nine months, he thought incredulously to himself. ~ _Well at least I’ve been faithful._ ~ 

Except that thought stunned him. He’d unintentionally been faithful to Cas for the past nine months. He’d barely taken a cold shower in all that time, rarely taken himself in hand either. If he’d been asked if he could be practically celibate for three quarters of a year before tonight, he’d have laughed. Yet here he was, drifting off to sleep, happily curled up in bed with his boyfriend of nine months. No sex within sight, and feeling satisfied with his situation.

Astounding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so you're all caught up to what I've got written. I'm about 600 words into chapter 17 and GISHWHES is looming, but I have completed my rough draft for the DCBB, it's now off with some Alpha readers for feedback. Which means HIH is now my sole writing priority. Onward and Wayward.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean could really get used to waking up with Cas pressed up against his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you FoxxyLady for getting this edited.
> 
> * * *

Dean could really get used to waking up with Cas pressed up against his back. His boyfriend’s hand was fisted in his t-shirt again, hot breath damp in between his shoulder blades. Cas’ erection pressed firmly into the cleft of Dean’s ass. Yup, Dean was enjoying this much too much. He gently pried Cas’ fingers free of his shirt so he could escape the bed. He needed to brush his teeth, wash his face, empty his bladder, and get the hell away from the temptation that was the angel behind him.

Exiting the bathroom, he heard sounds coming from the kitchen and pouted slightly as he mourned the loss. Dean had planned on slipping back into Cas’ bed and waking him slowly with kisses. Walking into the kitchen he placed his hands on Cas’ hips and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Mornin’ Handsome,” he whispered into Cas’ ear before kissing his temple.

Cas turned his head and kissed Dean briefly. The old percolator required his undivided attention or the coffee would turn bitter. “Hello Dean.”

“So you like ‘Handsome’?” Dean asked, trying not to let his worry tinge his voice.

“Maybe, but only this once I think. I’m not sure I could listen to it all the time,” Cas answered. “The coffee is still going to be a while. Do you want to run down and get the paper?”

Dean wrapped his hands around Cas, intending to steal a quick cuddle before putting pants on for his errand, only to discover that Cas hadn’t tied his robe closed and his hands had unintentionally snuck underneath it. However, finding he had access to Cas’ warm flesh, Dean decided he wasn’t going anywhere. He kissed Cas’ earlobe and nibbled at the soft skin below it while his hands traveled upward, learning the feel of Cas’ stomach and hips. He groaned. Those damned hipbones would be the death of Dean.

His lips trailed down and Dean nuzzled at the robe until he could bite at the join between neck and shoulder. Fingertips traced Cas’ ribs and worked their way towards his nipples. “Dean,” Cas gasped. “Please.”

Stop? Don’t stop? What did Cas want him to do? “Cas, Pet you need to tell me what you want,” Dean breathed in to Cas’ neck. 

“Dean, I want,” he turned his head and spoke lips pressed to Dean’s skin, “you to go and get the morning paper.”

Dean withdrew his hands from Cas’ warm flesh and pulled his robe closed, tying the belt in a bow. “I’m sorry Cas,” he apologized.

“Dean, don’t.” Cas pulled the percolator off the stove and turned to gathered Dean into his arms. “I’m not sorry, I don’t want you to be either. Forget about the paper, let’s get dressed, have coffee and we’ll talk.”

Dean swallowed and nodded his head. “Sure, Cas.” He started to back away, but Cas cupped his face.

“Nothing bad is going to happen Dean,” he told him. “We are just going to sit down and lay our cards on the table.” Cas kissed him. “Now you go and get dressed and I will finish making the coffee.” Cas put the percolator back on the stove and Dean fled the kitchen.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean sat at the dining table with his hands wrapped around his coffee cup. He’d passed Cas in the hallway after getting dressed and been told the coffee was ready and that Cas just needed to get dressed himself. Now he sat and waited for his roommate, friend, boyfriend but not yet lover, to join him.

“Dean, I want you to know how much I appreciate that you have been willing to take the time I have needed to get to this point,” Cas was speaking as he exited his room, dressed in worn jeans and an AC/DC shirt.

“I wish you wouldn’t say shit like that Cas.” Dean ducked his head and sipped his coffee.

“It is true,” he replied. Sitting down, Cas poured himself a cup of coffee. “I know we do not talk about our relationship, that we have just been ‘letting it happen’.” Cas sipped his coffee and looked at Dean expectantly.

Dean not knowing what else to do nodded and drank from his own cup.

“I hope that you agree with me when I say I think we work well together.” Cas reached his hand out and Dean placed his own in it. “I think that it is clear our relationship is progressing, physically, and I would like for us to prepare for that.”

“Okay,” Dean said. He really had no idea where Cas was going with this, however he agreed on Friday that they needed to talk, and dammit that was exactly what he was going to do. 

“I will call my doctor’s office on Monday and make an appointment for us then,” Cas smiled happily, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

“Say what now?” Dean asked, confused by the sudden turn in the conversation.

Cas’ face fell. “We need to be tested, Dean. I know we are not having sex now, however it does seem inevitable at this stage. Unless,” he went on to ask, “you are having second thoughts about us, Dean?”

“No! No,” Dean repeated and pushed his chair back, standing. He moved around the corner of the table to Cas’ side where he knelt on the floor. Cupping Cas’ face in his hands, Dean pulled it down so he could kiss him. “No second thoughts here. I was just surprised is all, but you’re right, we should get tested first.” Dean kissed Cas again and again.

“Thank you Dean. I know I am being silly, but I do not want anything between us when the time comes.” Cas pulled Dean up to his feet, standing with him. “We should get moving though. Lots to do today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so GISHWHES is going on and I'm sure you all know how crazy life is right now.  
> Next posting date will be Sunday the 20th.
> 
> Thank you all


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean woke alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to The Fox. Who even though she had her youngest daughter's birthday party this weekend, still got me this chapter.
> 
> * * *

Dean woke alone. He knew he was alone because for the first time since he’d started sharing Cas’ bed he hadn’t woken up with Cas curled around him, hand fisted in his shirt. Dean reached behind him and felt the bed. Cold. He reached over and checked his phone sitting on his nightstand. Half an hour until his alarm was set to go off. He groaned and rolled over looking at Cas’ side of the bed. The blankets pulled up and pillows neat.

Dean decided he hated Monday mornings. He wanted lazy weekends without alarms. Without Cas getting up super early to run. He groaned again. This was going to happen all week. Cas was going to get up at sparrow-fart in the morning and go for his run and Dean was going to wake up alone.

He used to like that Cas got up so early. Dean would wake up and Cas would be in the kitchen, coffee made and bread waiting in the toaster for Dean. Cas never started the toast until Dean was up, so it was hot when they both ate it.

Dean introduced Cas to thinly sliced tomato laid on toast smeared with peanut butter, finished with a quick grind of salt and black pepper. Cut into four squares so if you’d been fast enough making them they were still hot as you shoved the first one into your mouth. It was their favorite breakfast and they ate it at least once a week.

Dean got up and went to his own room to get dressed for work. It felt lazy to stay in Cas’ bed while he was out running. He pulled on a pair of old jeans and t-shirt. It really didn’t matter what he wore to work as he’d change into coveralls once he was there, he just needed something to wear to work, and to put back on after he’d showered. Not all of the guys used the provided showers during the week, but Dean knew Cas preferred him coming home clean rather than stinking of sweat and oil.

Dean wandered out to the kitchen and pressed the button for an americano thinking Cas couldn’t be far away, and it’d be nice to surprise him with breakfast when he got in. He pulled out the bread board and sliced the tomatoes so they’d be ready, pulled the butter from the fridge at the same time, along with the peanut butter from the pantry. He double checked the jar, put the super crunchy back and pulled out the smooth instead. While he preferred crunchy on plain toast, with tomato smooth was best.

Everything laid out he sat at the table drinking his first cup of coffee and waited for Cas to get back from his run. He didn’t have to wait long. His cup was still more than half full when he heard the door opening. 

Dean stood and hurried to the entryway, stalling at the sight of Cas leaning over pulling his running shoes off. Sweat beading on the back of Cas’ neck and rolling down his naked back. Cas placed his shoes against the wall and turned wiping his damp t-shirt over his face. “Hello Dean,” he said when their eyes meet.

“Mornin’ Cas,” Dean answered. “I have breakfast laid out for you.”

“Let me get cleaned up first.” Cas went to side step around Dean, but Dean had other ideas pulling him for a kiss. “Dean, I’m all sweaty. I’ll get your clothes wet.”

“Yeah, you will,” Dean grinned down at him lasciviously. He started to worry when a calculating look entered Cas’ eyes. It was all the warning he got before he found himself pinned against the wall and Cas consuming all of his oxygen. Breathless, he whimpered Cas’ name, the hot line of his body pressed into Dean’s own, confining him. 

Holding him against the wall for support Cas stepped backwards away from Dean. “I need a shower, I’ll meet you in the kitchen after.” He paused a moment then, nodding, let Dean go and disappeared around the corner. 

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. Something in the last few days had changed. It wasn’t just that Dean now realized he and Cas had been dating for months. Or that they were fairly serious. Something had changed in Castiel. He moved differently around Dean now, more sure of himself, more possessive of Dean and Dean’s space.

Dean headed back into the kitchen and placed Cas’ coffee cup onto the fancy machine ready and waiting for Cas to get out of the shower. Maybe he should let him get dressed first as well…

Dean drifted off in thought. Cas had always had problems with personal space. He’d stand too close whenever they were in the kitchen or on the balcony grilling. He’d done the same when they’d been out together at the markets or headed to the theater. But this weekend Cas had taken it to a whole new level. Take yesterday at the markets for example. Thinking about it, in the past few months they’d walked around with one or the other of them touching each other, on the back, steering with a gripped elbow. Yesterday Cas didn’t just have his arm around Dean’s waist countering Dean’s arm over his shoulders. No, Cas had slipped his hand into Dean’s rear pocket, and kept it there unless he’d absolutely needed both of his hands.

And the kissing! That had definitely changed. Kissing may have been a brand new thing they’d been doing for only a week now. Dean grinned as he thought about their First Kiss at the florists eight days ago. Until Saturday night, Cas had been – Dean’s thoughts stumbled. Passive was the wrong word. Cas wasn’t passive when they kissed. Submissive wasn’t right either, Cas had been an active participant right from the start. However, Saturday night when he’d growled “Mine” had been the first time Cas had initiated a kiss. Aggressive and dominating didn’t fit the same way that passive and submissive weren’t correct.

Dean was the first to admit words weren’t his strong suit, and it annoyed him that he couldn’t name this thing that he felt so keenly. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that Cas started him when he wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed the back of his neck.

“I thought you’d still be in bed when got it,” he murmured into Dean’s skin. “I was looking forward to waking you up.”

Dean pressed the lever on the toaster down, and turned in Cas’ arms. “I was lonely in your bed without you,” Dean answered.

“You can’t say that to me Dean,” he moaned as he kissed Dean. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to leave you this morning?” 

“How hard?” Dean asked as he grabbed Cas’ hips and pulled him in for a quick grind, expecting Cas to pull away.

“So hard.” Cas smiled, Dean could feel his lips curving against the skin of his throat. Cas did not back away, rather he crowded in closer, slotting a knee between Dean’s legs. So far, there wasn’t any evidence that things were firming up between them, but Dean knew that he wasn’t going to remain that way if Cas kept rocking up against him. Thankfully the toaster popped up to rescue him.

“Cas, toast.” He mourned the loss of contact as he pushed Cas backward with the grip he still had on his hips. Cas nipped once or twice more at Dean’s lips. Side stepping, Cas moved over to the coffee machine and, after checking that there was milk in the mini fridge, pressed the button for his morning latte. Meanwhile, Dean quickly spread the hot toast with butter, peanut butter and laying slices of tomato over them.

Cas stole a square as soon as Dean had added salt and pepper and cut the first piece into four. “I made the mistake of telling some of my team about these,” he spoke after swallowing, grabbing another square. “No one believes me that it tastes good.”

“Have you told them to try it before they knock it?” Dean spoke around the mouthful of food in his mouth.

Cas nodded, waiting until his mouth was empty before adding. “They all think it sounds weird. It hasn’t done anything for my reputation.”

Dean looked up from placing the next two pieces of bread in the toaster. As good as their breakfast tasted, it was better when you could eat it hot. So Dean had only made two pieces of toast to start with, and now he was getting ready to make a second batch. “What do you mean?”

Cas collected his now perfectly made latte from his very expensive machine and placed a small jug under the nozzle, pressing the button to flush water through its pipes to clean them. “Most of the people I work with think I’m weird.” He shrugged. “Although less so, since you’ve been educating me on pop culture.” Dean frowned, it didn’t matter that he’d thought Cas was weird when he’d first met him, the idea that Cas’ employees thought the same even when most of them had been working with Cas for years upset Dean. Cas leaned over and kissed the frown from his face. “Maybe you could leave these second one whole, uncut. It’s getting late and we should be leaving.”

Dean checked the time and couldn’t understand where it had all disappeared to. They’d need to be out the door in the next ten minutes if they didn’t want to be late. He popped the toast up early. It was pale, only just starting to go golden but time waits for no man. He sped through assembling them and handed Cas the two uncut pieces so he could wash the board and knives he’d been using. He left the board and butter knife on the drain, but dried the chef’s knife and put it away in its wooden rack. Taking his piece of toast back from Cas, he kissed him as he headed to the front door.

Scoffing the last of his breakfast he pulled his boots on and tied his laces. Reaching for his keys, he was interrupted by Cas holding out Dean’s coffee cup, still with a couple of mouthfuls of coffee in it. “Thank you Sweets.” He drained the cup.

Cas shook his head. “No, not Sweets.” He took the cup back as Dean pulled his jacket on.

“How about Croissant then?”

“No, I don’t like that either.” Cas kissed him goodbye, pushing Dean towards the door. “I’ll call my doctor’s surgery at nine to make our appointment, I’ll text you with when.” Cas headed back to the kitchen carrying the dirty mug.

“Okay, I’ll keep my eye out for it. See you tonight, Duck.”

“You’re not calling me Duck.”

Dean chuckled as he pulled the door closed behind him.

  


.oOo.

  


**Cas to Dean 09:08:** Can you leave work early today? I was able to make an appointment for us at 4.30pm. If you cannot make it, I will change the appointment, but their next available is not until next week.

**Dean to Cas 10:02:** Just asked bobby ill meet you there @ 430

**Cas to Dean 10:03:** Excellent. Do you want to let Sam know we will be home late? He still has his key doesn’t he? Please let Sam know he is more than welcome to let himself in when he arrives. 

**Dean to Sam 10:32:** Hey bitch cas and i will be late tonight you still have your key right

**Sam to Dean 12:01:** Yes I have my key. Why are you both going to be late? Jerk

**Dean to Cas 12:36:** Sam has his key

**Dean to Sam 12:36:** We have a thing

**Cas to Dean 12:37:** Thank you for letting me know. 

**Sam to Dean 12:37:** What kind of thing?

**Dean to Sam 12:39:** We have a thing

**Sam to Dean 12:39:** What kind of thing?

**Dean to Cas 12:40:** Np

**Dean to Sam 12:44:** The none of your business kind of thing

**Sam to Dean 12:45:** So the I’ll just ask Cas about it sort of thing then?

**Dean to Cas 12:46:** Do not tell sam what were doing tonight

**Dean to Sam 12:47:** Sammy dont you dare

**Cas to Dean 12:49:** Why can’t Sam know what we’re doing tonight? Did you have a surprise planned for him?

**Sam to Dean 12:50:** Geez Dean okay I won’t ask Cas. I’ll add it to the list of things we’re talking about tonight. I’m about to head into class.

**Dean to Sam 12:57:** Were not talking about this

**Sam to Dean 12:58:** Seriously Dean, would it kill you to use punctuation? 

**Dean to Sam 12:59:** Yes!!!

**Dean to Cas 13:03:** Nah Sam’s just asking about shit he doesn’t need to know anything about.

**Dean to Cas 13:12:** My break is over, see you at the doctor’s later. Actually, if you can get away a little earlier, park your car at home and I’ll swing past and pick you up.

**Cas to Dean 13:16:** I agree with your assessment. I will text you before I leave the office.

**Cas to Dean 15:45:** I’m leaving the office now, I’ll wait on the street for you.

**Dean to Cas 15:47:** I’m just jumping in the shower. I should be home by 4.20 to pick you up. Hey I got your txt as I was typing. C U soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GISHWHES was amazing and this weekend has been artist claims for DCBB. So much excitement happening in Discord right now.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you call and see if the doctor was running on time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to The Fox, who is currently editing both HIH and my DCBB because she's so damn good.
> 
> * * *

Dean parked in the loading zone next to their building so Cas could open the passenger door and slide into Baby. “I bought you a chai latte,” he said by way of greeting, handing over two takeaway cups from their corner coffee shop. Once his hands were free, Cas buckled his seat belt and took the two cups back so Dean could manoeuvre them back into traffic.

“Did you call and see if the doctor was running on time?”

“I did and she is. I do not think I have ever known Dr Tran to run late.” Cas handed Dean back his cup and sipped from his own.

They drove in near silence to the surgery, Cas taking Dean’s hand after they had parked in the tiny lot in front of the renovated turn of the century cottage. Cas pulled the screen door open and gestured for Dean to proceed him inside. The original sitting room had been converted into a reception area and Cas headed straight to the desk dividing the room in half. “Hi, we have a 4:30 appointment with Dr Tran. Castiel and Dean.”

The receptionist checked her computer and looked up smiling. “Please have a seat Castiel, one of the nurses will be out to get you shortly,” she said before turning to Dean. “Well, hello there. As a new patient you’ll need to fill out these forms. You’re welcome to stay here to fill them out.” Her name tag had Heddy LaCroix printed on it, and she was pressing the clipboard to the counter in front of her. Dean smiled nervously, pulled it out from under her hand and retreated to Cas’ side.

Sitting side by side, Dean wrote in the required information, all so predictable in its monotony. Full name, date of birth, place of birth, current address, next of kin. Known medical conditions with a long list of diseases and complaints he needed to circle either a Y or N for. He snorted, knowing he’d still be asked about all of those by the nurse even as he wrote unknown next to the family history of heart disease.

He finished the forms and took them back to the receptionist, pulling his insurance card and ID out on the walk. Easier to get that sorted out now while they were still waiting to be seen. “23? And so virile looking. Be still my racing heart.” Heddy winked at him and Dean pushed his cards back into his pocket. He would work out the details afterwards when he could push Cas between himself and the cougar on the other side of the too-narrow partition. Currently he was worried he’d lose body parts if he stayed within clutching distance.

Returning to his seat beside Cas, Dean pressed against his arm to read the _Readers Digest_ over Cas’ shoulder. 

  
  


**_Condition Critical:_** _With nurses leaving in droves, a stay at the hospital gets scarier every day._

_FRIENDS OF Michael Hurewitz knew him as a man who would go out of his way to help others. So when his younger brother, Adam, needed a liver transplant due to a rare disease called sclerosing cholangitis, no one was surprised that Mike stepped forward._

_"He had worried about Adam's illness for years," says Mike's wife, Victoria. "This was a completely emotional decision." A 57-year-old reporter for the_ Times Union _in Albany, N.Y., Hurewitz seldom spoke to his wife about the surgical risks he faced, and masked his own anxiety with humor._

_In early 2002, both brothers entered Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City, a world leader in living-donor liver transplants. Unknown to them, however, nurses on that unit had been filing "protest of assignment" forms for months with the hospital administration and the New York State Nurses Association. Too few nurses, they claimed, were on duty to care for the patients._

_Surgery for both brothers took place on Thursday, January 10, and went smoothly. Adam's healing progressed without a hitch, and today his new liver is functioning perfectly. But his brother's fate was far different._

_At no time after his operation did Mike's surgeon pay him a visit. Instead, he was assigned to a first-year resident, who seldom appeared._

  


“Castiel Novak,” called a nurse from the corridor to their left. Cas stood and pulled Dean up with him. “Just you for the moment, Castiel.” The short, dark haired woman waved Dean back to the seats.

“We have a joint appointment. I was very specific when I called this morning,” Cas grumbled.

“That’s with Dr Tran,” she retorted. “I, on the other hand, am only seeing you today. Pamela should be out in a moment for Dean.” Her voice cut off as she closed the door behind them.

“Dean Winchester?” Another nurse appeared in the short hallway to his right. “My name’s Pamela and I’ll be your nurse today. If you’d like to come this way?” Dean looked back over his shoulder to the doorway he knew Cas was behind. “It’s in the notes for me to take you to examination room two after I take your history.” Dean followed her to the room numbered five. “Kick your shoes off and stand against the wall here.” 

She jotted notes on her clipboard as she took his height, weight and blood pressure, casually asking him about his medical history, known illnesses, family conditions, what immunisations he’d had, when his last tetanus shot was. Sometime during this, a doctor appeared in the room and was standing next to the wall.

“My name is Doctor Linda Tran. I just wanted to take a moment with you before we join Castiel.” She held his gaze, as if she was reading his history in his eyes. Dean noticed the nurse had exited the room when the diminutive doctor introduced herself. “First, I don’t want you to be insulted, but I need to ask. Have you been brought here under duress? Against your will?”

“What? No!” Dean felt his temper flare. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

“Hmm, good. I like Castiel, but I make it a policy to always ask.” She moved away from the wall, further into the room. “So, why are you here with Castiel today?”

“Shouldn’t we be discussing that with him present?” Dean asked, still not sure he liked Dr Tran’s implications.

She shrugged. “Like I said, policy. It’s your first visit here, and someone else is demanding to be included in your appointment. I’m sorry if this upsets you, but I’d rather you were safe and upset, rather than in trouble and in need of help.”

Dean nodded. He understood not all monsters had fangs and claws and could see the good intentions in the doctor’s questions. However, he was irritated that this doctor, someone who Cas thought so much of, could think so little of Cas. “Cas and I came in to get tested, for ah... um... for any STDs we might have.” He could feel the blood rushing to his face.

Dr Tran nodded. “Smart. I’ll have Pamela come back in and take you to Cas. I’ll leave off asking you any sexual history questions until your righteous indignation has an audience.” She left before Dean could say anything. He dropped his head into the palms of his hands, rubbing them over his face.

“You can put your shoes back on now, sugar,” Pamela said softly as she re-entered the examine room. “I’ll take you over to Cas, and Dr Tran will join you both there.”

The room Cas was sitting in was very similar in layout to the one Dean had just been in. The biggest difference was this exam room had three of those large oversized chairs they liked to sit you in to have blood taken. Curtains which could be pulled forward to separate them were currently pushed back against the wall.

Cas was seated in the right chair, reading the same article from the waiting room, and Pamela gestured for Dean to take the central chair beside him while they waited for the doctor to join them. Linda walked into the room, flipping a sign on the door to read “Do Not Disturb” as Pamela was leaving.

“Castiel, my notes say that you requested an appointment for yourself and Dean for STI testing. Is that correct?” She didn’t waste any time coming straight to the point.

“That is correct,” he replied.

“How long have you been having sex for and what forms of protection have you been using?” Linda was busy writing something on the pad she was carrying and didn’t see the look Cas and Dean exchanged.

“We haven’t,” Cas answered her.

Linda’s head shot up and she stared at them both. “I shouldn’t need to explain to you how risky it is to have unprotected sex.”

Dean interrupted her. “No, Cas meant we haven’t had sex. He wanted to get tested first, so we’re here today to get that done.”

“That’s very good,” she said, as she added more notes to her pad. “Okay, who wants to go first?”

Dean grunted his agreement, and was then subjected to a thorough questionnaire about his sexual history, including when he’d lost his virginity – exactly 2 months before his 16th birthday. If he’d ever had unsafe intercourse – twice, the first time when he’d lost his virginity and then again with his second partner six months later. 

This was certainly one way of having an important relationship conversation. Dean avoided looking at Cas as he gave his answers. Sexual orientation – bisexual. Number of partners – a lot. Dr Tran looked up at that and asked him to make a best guesstimate.

“Honestly Doc, a lot is my best guesstimate.” Dean held her gaze, refusing to look at Cas. He didn’t know what Cas might think of his old man-whoring days, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

“And only the two encounters were unprotected?”

“Yeah, the second time scared me. She’d told me she was a virgin but I found out after she wasn’t. I lived in terror for a few months before I worked up the courage to get tested. I was clean, but yeah, never again.” Dean made the mistake of turning and grinning at Cas, realizing as they stared into each other’s eyes that he’d been worried about what he might see in Cas’ face. What he did find was calm acceptance. A warmth bloomed in his chest, but he pushed it down, not wanting to think about it. Not while he was still answering questions.

“Last sexual contact?”

“Ah, um, I don’t know, nine maybe ten months ago?” Dean hadn’t looked away from Cas and was happy to see him nod in agreement.

“That’s good. Sometimes HIV can take up to six months to manifest. But so long as your rapid test results are negative we won’t need to retest you.” She pulled a kit from a drawer and asked Dean to open his mouth, swabbing him and putting the test aside. She did the same with Castiel. “They should be ready by the time we’re done. I do need to warn you that the oral rapid test can sometimes produce a false positive, so even if they show positive, you may not be. If you test positive we’ll also test via blood sample to confirm.” Dean nodded his agreement. He knew that from previous testing. “Have you ever been tested before?”

“Yes, like I said, I’ve had an active sex life so I’ve always tried to get tested regularly,” Dean responded.

“When did you get tested last?”

“I – uh...” Dean switched his full attention back to the doctor. “I take a long lunch the first Wednesday of the month and get tested at a little walk in clinic near where I work.” Dean worried what Cas might think admitting he still went and got tested every month, even though he’d been celibate since they’d started dating. “It’s a habit.” He shrugged.

“That’s a good habit,” she spoke into her note pad again. “Last questions, have you ever been the recipient for anal sex?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Lymphogranuloma Venereum or LGV, is most often seen in individuals who have had receptive anal sex. Would you like to be tested for it?” Linda looked up and held Dean trapped until he muttered a yes.

“Castiel, your turn. Has anything changed since the last time I took your sexual history?” Linda opened a folder with Cas’ name written in block letters.

“No, but I feel it is only fair that I answer all the same questions that Dean did.” Cas caught Dean’s attention and held it. “I lost my virginity at age 20. I have never had unprotected sex. I used to test as an X on the Kinsey Scale, but I believe that has changed since I met Dean. The thought of having sex with Dean has become more and more appealing.”

Linda interrupted. “Did that happen with your last partner, what was his name? Inias?” 

“Sexual contact with Inias slowly became less unappealing as our relationship progressed. However, I did not want to initiate sexual contact with him.”

“You want to initiate sexual contact with Dean?” Linda was writing notes in Cas’ file as she asked the question.

“After this past weekend, yes I do,” he answered, before continuing with the questions Dean had been asked. “I have had three sexual partners, April, Meg and Inias. My last sexual contact was with Inias two years, eleven months ago, and my last set of STI tests were done six months after that.” Cas looked at Linda waiting for her to confirm the time frame with her written records. “Lastly, yes, I have received anal intercourse in the past,” he said the last looking directly into Dean’s eyes.

Linda stood up and pressed a button beside the door. “I’ve just paged for a nurse to do the blood draws we need.” She stopped at the counter where she had placed the two rapid test kits. “These are both negative, so I’m going to order tests for hep B and C, trich, herpes, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and syphilis.” Linda was writing on a different pad as she talked them through the tests. “I’m not testing for chancroid unless you tell me that you have any painful erosive ulcers on your penis. Likewise I think we can skip the visual check for pubic lice, because you would know if you had those.”

The door opened and Pamela entered. “You rang?”

“Can you organize these please.” It wasn’t a question. “The results usually take a week. Pamela or another nurse will call you both when they come in. It was a pleasure to see you, Castiel.” And she was gone.

Pamela pulled vials for the blood draw out of a drawer, along with two single-use needles, alcohol wipes, cotton balls and tape, placing them all in a tray on the table between the two chairs. She then pulled two clear sample cups with yellow lids out from another drawer. “Who wants to use the bathroom first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That counts as Talking right? They just swapped sexual histories. 
> 
> FYI Condition Critical was the Readers Digest cover story for September 2003.
> 
> The Kinsey Scale 0-6 does not take asexuality into account at all, rather it assigns them as X - No socio-sexual contacts or reactions. 
> 
> Does this mean that Cas is Asexual? Maybe, maybe not. This story is roughly set in 2002-2003, and from the research that I have been doing Asexuality wasn't really discussed in the media until 2004. The term Demisexual was first used in 2008. How can you explain how you feel when you don't know that words, or the words don't even exist yet? If I was writing this story set in 2017 then Cas would have identified his sexuality as Grace.
> 
> edit: Okay so for some reason late on the Sunday night when I posted this I wrote 2002 instead of 2003. I don't know why/how that got switched around in my brain, but it did. So I've fixed my A/N but if you read the comments 2002 is still going to be discussed. Please know that isn't my wonderful readers mistake, it was mine.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Quick up date on DCBB. I have finished writing the main story, The Fox is editing it, I do have some re-writes to do as per her suggestions. I have an awesome Artist. I couldn't even begin to explain how happy I am with the Artist who claimed my fic. Promos for all the fics will run through September. I'll give you more details once mine has been published.
> 
> I have signed up for the Dean/Cas Pinefest.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was totally science.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to The Fox. Sorry not sorry for not helping you to not chocolate.
> 
> * * *

“Sammy, you in?” Dean called out as he entered the apartment. He stepped to the side so Cas could follow him in and close the door behind them both.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Sam called back. Dean dropped his keys in the dish on the sideboard and toed his shoes off, leaning over as he lined them up against the wall and did the same with Cas’. He followed Cas around the corner to the kitchen.

“Hello Sam,” Cas greeted their guest. “You did not need to start dinner, you could have just relaxed in front of the TV.”

“Nah, I don’t mind. I pulled the chicken breasts out and cut them up for stir-fry. Hope that’s okay?” Sam continued chopping vegetables. 

Dean counted at least four different piles of greens – broccoli, spinach, snow peas and peppers. Sam was still working on making piles of orange - carrots and peppers, and had yellow pepper and baby pattypan squash waiting to be cut up. If Sam had been cutting up the whole vegetable for each it would have been a mountain of food. However, Sam was only using part of each, carefully creating piles of roughly a third to half a cup in size. The two Dutch carrots Sam had pulled out of the fridge had been carefully cut into batons and he was now cutting the two pattypan squash into sixths. 

“That is fine, Sam. Do you want me to start some rice?” Cas walked to the pantry and pulled out the container of brown rice.

Dean stood back and watched his brother and his boyfriend cook dinner together. They moved effortlessly around each other, although Dean did note Cas seemed perfectly capable of sharing a kitchen with Sam without touching him. Dean stepped up to the stove top to steal a mushroom from the pan and immediately felt Cas’ hand on his hip. He grinned. That was totally science. Cas couldn’t keep his hands off of Dean.

He allowed Sam to push him out of the kitchen with instructions to set the table. Stealing a kiss from Cas as he exited, Dean laid out placemats, napkins and cutlery. He added salt and pepper to the center of the table and wandered back into the kitchen. Within moments, Cas had his hand back on Dean’s hip again. ~ _Verified and replicated. Totally science._ ~

Sam carried two of the full bowls out to the table once the food was dished up, and Cas followed with a bowl and the jug of water from the fridge. Dean popped the lids off bottles of beer for everyone and joined them. “So Dean, what were you doing this afternoon that made you both late?” Sam asked.

Dean shoved a forkful of chicken and rice into his mouth and waved his hand to indicate his mouth was full. So Cas answered for him. “We were at the doctor’s office getting tested.” Dean stared at his boyfriend in disbelief. “What?” Cas asked looking back at Dean.

“I asked you not to tell Sam,” he muttered.

“About what we were doing tonight. Sam asked about this afternoon,” Cas defended himself. “He would have only kept asking, and there is no reason to hide that we are being safe.”

“Yeah, so moving right along.” Sam took a drink from his beer bottle. “So get this… There was a slow leak in the dorm over the weekend, and this morning when maintenance came in to fix it they found some old insulation they think might be asbestos.”

“What?” Dean yelled.

“Well, it’s getting tested now, but they’re treating it like asbestos.” Sam pushed his dinner around in his bowl. “Apparently, so long as it’s not disturbed it’s ok. But if it comes back as asbestos, then everyone needs to move out until they can get it removed.”

“That sounds reasonable. Is there enough alternative housing for everyone affected?” Cas patted Dean’s hand.

“Well that’s the thing,” Sam ducked his head. “We were told there was only housing available for maybe a third of the residents, and we were asked if any of us had somewhere else we could say, and I maybe said that I did.” Sam eventually needed to take a breath.

“You’d like to stay here?” Cas asked calmly. “Of course. It will be just like summer vacation, only this time you will not need to sleep on the couch.”

“What?”

Cas nodded. “Dean and I can clean out the spare bedroom for you, if you need it.”

“We can?” Dean’s mind caught on Cas calling his room the spare bedroom. When did it become the spare bedroom? Wasn’t it his bedroom? Did that mean Cas thought Dean had moved permanently into his bedroom? Was it no longer Cas’ bedroom and Dean’s bedroom? Was it now their bedroom and the spare bedroom? Why wasn’t he paying attention to what Cas and Sam were saying?

“Of course we can, Dean,” Cas said as he poured himself a glass of water. “When do they expect to get the test results, Sam?”

“Uh, some time during the week. If we have to move out, we’re being given the weekend to do so,” Sam answered.

“Is it safe to stay there if it is asbestos?” Dean queried. He did not like the idea of brother being put in harm’s way.

“As long as it’s not disturbed, and they sprayed it with some product that traps any fibers. So even if it is asbestos, we’re all safe until they go in and start removing it. Which is why we would all have to move out,” Sam explained.

“I’ll arrange to have Saturday off and come and help you move if it comes to that,” Cas directed Dean back to his dinner.

Dean picked his fork up again. “Yeah, let me know and I’ll get Saturday off too.” The rest of the meal passed in silence as they finished eating. Cas left to have his shower as Sam and Dean took the dishes into the kitchen to wash them up.

“You going to be okay to get to and from your classes and study groups staying here?” Dean asked. “You know you can call me and I’ll come get you at night.”

“I’ll be fine, Dean,” Sam sighed. “I’m not exactly most people’s idea of an easy target. I may have to leave a few things early or wait an hour to get connecting routes but I can use the train and buses.”

“Or you can call me, and I’ll come get you,” Dean’s tone was final. Once the dishes were all clean, dried and put away, the two brothers headed for the TV. Dean was happy to see Sam sat in the arm chair. Cas came out of the bathroom, snugly wrapped in his dark blue robe. Sky blue sleeping pants with rainbows and happy suns peeked out from underneath it.

Cas looked at Sam sitting in the chair where Cas usually sat when he was over. He hesitated a moment, then sat on the couch with Dean. “I was thinking in the shower Sam, none of your classes start earlier than 9am do they?” Cas was probably more aware of Sam’s schedule than Dean was, just because Cas was always asking Sam how his classes were going and paid attention.

“That’s right,” Sam looked over, puzzled by the question.

“Hmm,” Cas poked Dean and pointed to the TV, silently asking him to put something on. “If you plan on joining me in the mornings to run like you did over summer,” he paused for Sam to agree, “then I will get you to drop me off at work in the mornings, and you can take my car so you can get wherever you need to go. If Dean’s okay with picking me up after work?”

The last was directed at Dean, but Sam spoke first. “Don’t you finish before Dean? Wouldn’t you be sitting around waiting for him?”

“There is always work to do, no one is going to be upset if I increase my hours slightly.”

Dean started Indiana Jones and mentioned that he was fine with picking Cas up, then shushed everyone so they could watch the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone getting notifications, or catching my links on either Tumblr or Facebook, I know this seems like I'm posting early. I do promise you that it is Sunday here for me. It has been for a whole 10 minutes as I type this.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean liked that idea, he liked it a lot. Him, his brother, and his… His Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank as always to The Fox, who found my incomplete thought and finished it for me.
> 
> Midnight Sunday morning is not the new posting time, I just have a big day planned on Sunday and The Fox got the chapter back to me earlier during the evening. So enjoy.
> 
> * * *

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“I’m in the bedroom, Darling,” Castiel replied from further in the apartment.

“I’ll be there in a moment, I just need to wash up,” Dean called out as he walked into the bathroom. He washed his hands and brushed his teeth. Stripping, he left his clothes in the laundry basket and walked through to his old room in the nude to grab clothes to sleep in.

Dean pulled the top drawer of the tallboy open and grabbed a pair of underwear, and an old t-shirt from the drawer below. He pulled them on and looked around the room he stood in. The spare room, not his, not anymore. Tomorrow he’d start moving his belongings into his new room. Their room, the one he now shared with Cas. Maybe on the weekend this would become Sam’s room.

Dean liked that idea, he liked it a lot. Him, his brother, and his… His Cas. His Cas, his brother and himself all under the same roof, together. Dean couldn’t think of anything better. This was it, everything that he wanted, and he was going to fight for it. He left his old room, and entered his new one.

He was about to fight the biggest, nastiest monster he’d ever known. His own inner demon. “Hey, Cas?” Dean slipped under the covers and shuffled over to wrap himself around his boyfriend.

“Yes Dean?”

“Can I ask you about something you said at the doctor’s?” Dean traced patterns on Cas’ bare skin.

Castiel closed the book he was reading and rolled over to face Dean. “What would you like to know Dean?”

“You said something about a scale?” Dean struggled between wanting to look away to break the intimacy of the moment and being held in Cas’ gaze, unable to look away.

“The Kinsey Scale?” he questioned.

“Yeah, that. What is that?” Dean asked.

“It is complicated and I am not sure I can explain it, not quickly,” he spoke softly. “Kinsey created a scale that places everyone in a line, from zero being exclusively heterosexual, to six exclusively homosexual. The numbers in between are gradient of how hetero or homo a person is, so a three is equally both.”

“That doesn’t seem too complex,” Dean commented.

“I am an X.” Castiel paused. He took a deep breath. “On the Kinsey Scale an X is someone who does not feel sexual attraction. It might be easier if I explain by telling you about Inias.” Cas paused, waiting. Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to hear about Cas’ relationship with his former lover. But he understood that whatever Cas was trying to tell him, it was important. “Okay.”

“I met Inias and there was something there. We did the same work, we had the same interests. He was funny, and charming, and witty, and he pursued me.” Dean shifted backward giving Cas space as he spoke. “I had been… I was missing something in my life and I thought that… I started dating Inias. I had seen the movies, I knew what was expected in a relationship. Hey, do not do that,” he said as Dean frowned, “do not go there.” Cas reached out and cupped Dean’s face. “Nothing happened with Inias that I… I consented to everything that happened with Inias. He was not a bad man. He did not do anything wrong.”

Dean didn’t care, he pulled Cas close, pulling him in tight to Dean’s body, tucking Cas’ head under his own chin and rubbing a soothing hand in circles over Cas’ back.

“Dean, I need to talk. You were right to ask me about this. You should know, you need to know.” Cas stretched up and kissed Dean’s cheek. He held his hand in the classic taking a pulse pose and used his two extending fingers to rub back and forth over a section of Dean’s arm. Up and down Dean’s bicep for no more than two inches. “Does this feel good?” Cas asked.

“Yes,” Dean answered.

“How about now?” Cas continued rubbing his fingertips across the same section, not varying his pressure or pace. Dean nodded. “And now?” No variance, staying consistent.

Dean took a breath but wasn’t sure how to answer.

“After a while it stops being pleasurable, it is just monotonous, repetitive, and then is starts to become annoying.” Cas lifted his hand. “That is what sex has been like for me. Inias and I were together for three months. We read the same books, had the same thoughts but the night that we broke up, we’d been...” Cas waved his hands. “I was on my elbows and knees, Inias was behind me. It was his favored position, but it never did anything for me. He, uhmm, he leaned forward and...” he chuckled. “I was reading a book.”

“What?”

“I was bored? It was a very exciting chapter? I thought I could multitask,” Cas smiled wryly. “Inias did not agree, he stopped and well, we stopped. I tried to talk to him, but he asked me to leave, so I did.”

“Cas, I don’t know what to say to all that. Jesus, man, what am I –” he stopped when he felt Cas creating distance between them. “No, no, no. That’s not… I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not pulling away from you.” Dean pulled Cas back towards him. “Stop pulling away from me. Just gimme some time, I just need a little time.” Dean gently man-handled Cas until they were spooning together. “It’s late and both still need to work tomorrow.”

“Dean, we still need to talk,” Cas pressed backward into Dean’s body.

“I’m not going anywhere Cas, and neither are you.” Dean kissed a line from Cas’ shoulder to neck. “We’re going to figure this out, together. I promise.” Dean laid one last kiss on the outer shell of Cas’ ear. “Just give me a chance to catch up okay?”

“I need to finish this now.”

Dean moved his palm around Cas’ body, spreading his fingers out over Cas’ heart, feeling it beat under hand. “Okay.”

“I dated Inias for three months. We’d meet up for lunch during the week, or we’d go out and have dinner and he’d invite me back to his place, we’d have sex and I’d leave. I never slept with him.”

Dean interrupted. “You just said you had sex with him.”

“Dean, we have been sleeping together, but we have not had sex. The last person I shared a bed with was my brother when I was almost 10 and he was 12. It was a family vacation and the cabin we were staying in did not have enough beds, so Mother had us sleep top and tail. I spent a week waking up with Gabe’s feet in my face.” Cas squirmed around and kissed Dean. “I haven’t slept with anyone since. Not until you.”

“Why me?” Dean asked as Castiel pushed him onto his back.

“When I put that ad up on Craig’s List I was not looking for this, I was… We have done everything back to front. You moved in here a stranger, we became friends. On paper, we should not work. We are so different. We do not read the same things, we do not share any interests, or we didn’t. I have learned more about myself in the time I have known you than I have in the past ten years.”

Cas levered his body up and swung his leg over Dean’s thighs, sitting back on his hips. Dean sucked a breath in through his teeth. “Cas, what are you doing?”

“I dreamt about you Dean, on Saturday night. About having you spread out underneath me, incoherent with your want and need, calling my name. One moment I was inside of you and I’m driving you to the edge, the next I am riding you over it. The dream was fragmented images and I’m sure as sex dreams go it was nothing special.” Cas ducked his head, then a sly smile ghosted over his lips. “It was very special for me.” Cas rolled his hips downward grinding against Dean. “I have never dreamed of any one before, never woken up hard.”

Dean placed his hands on Cas’ hips and matched his rolling motion. “Cas, Honeybee, we need to stop.” Dean groaned at his own words. “We have a plan.” He reached up with his right hand and cupped the back of Cas’ head, drawing his down for a kiss. As much as Dean wanted to make it as hot and dirty as Cas’ thrusts were making him feel, he kept it light and sweet. “Just a little while longer, Cas.” Cas melted down over Dean’s body, boneless, and Dean’s hands caressed his back soothingly as they calmed. He shifted Cas to the side and moved the covers around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actual talking


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want some help with that?” Cas’ voice was dark honey from the doorway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to The Fox getting this back to me so quickly. I realised Saturday afternoon that I had not in fact sent this chapter to her on Thursday night like I thought I had. Luckily the assignment marking she thought she was going to be doing Saturday night had to be delayed and HIH 22 was edited instead.
> 
> * * *

Dean woke up to an empty bed and grimaced. Stupid work days, stupid running schedule, stupid body all hot and hard and wanting. He rolled over and checked the time. Cas should be home soon. Dean threw the blankets back and pulled himself out of the bed. He stripped his sleeping clothes off and sniffed at the pits and crotch, checking to see if he needed to throw them into the laundry basket or if he could wear them another night. They ended up in the wicker hamper sitting between the two tallboys.

They’d moved the second tallboy out of the spare bedroom into their room on Tuesday night, after Cas decided it would be easier having matching drawers rather than trying to share the one set. Dean had planned to find a cheap set of drawers for Sam if he needed to stay with them, but Cas apparently spent his lunch hour on Wednesday purchasing a new set of drawers and a desk. Dean only found out it about last night when Cas mentioned it to Sam while they were eating dinner.

“Do you want some help with that?” Cas’ voice was dark honey from the doorway, startling because Dean had not heard him come in from his run. 

“With what?” he asked, puzzled for a moment until he looked downward and realized he was standing in the middle of their bedroom, naked, idly playing with the evidence of his own arousal. It wasn’t that he found the thought of furniture sexy, but he had woken up hard and his hand naturally migrated. Dean shifted his other hand in front of his groin, trying to cover himself while he spluttered an apology.

They may have been sharing a bed for a week now, they had even indulged in some serious heavy petting a few times, but this was the first time Dean had stood before Cas naked. He wasn’t just nude either but erect, and Little Dean was not flagging under Cas’ scrutiny. Dean felt a blush creeping across his cheeks and spreading down over his chest as he twisted away towards the drawers holding his clean clothes.

The sound of a drawer opening behind him was followed by the snick of a bottle being uncapped and the squish of gel-like liquid being squirted. A snap of a lid closing and the bang of bottle being dropped back into a drawer. All these noises played over a second time in Dean’s mind as he tried to think of something else they could be. 

A slick, wet hand, cool to the touch, reached around him and enveloped Dean. Grip firm, sliding like a sheath down the length of him, a second hand encircling his body and pulling him back against Cas, a pair of lips kissing his neck below his ear. Dean was lost in sensation. 

It wasn’t like Dean had expected they would get their test results on Monday afternoon, then come home and fuck like bunnies. He knew that wasn’t going to happen. Even if Sam didn’t move in on the weekend, he would be there for dinner. Dean had maybe been planning a romantic night on Tuesday, taking Cas to bed early and stripping him down, kissing as much of Cas as he’d let him. Dean was not in any way expecting their first real sexual contact to be on Friday morning before work. 

Therefore, he was taken by surprise with Cas’ actions, too stunned it was happening at all to protest, and too wrapped up in desire to do anything but listen to and obey Cas’ instructions. Which is how he found himself being manhandled to stand in front of the mirror in the corner so Cas could watch what he was doing. It was why Dean was playing with his own nipples, as he’d been told to do, while Cas’ hands worked over his length and played with Dean’s balls. Why Cas’ chin rested on his shoulder as Cas’ eyes raked over the image in the mirror. How that very same image became streaked with Dean’s completion.

It was also why, instead of making coffee and eating breakfast, Dean was cleaning said mirror while Cas was in the shower. He gave the clean glass a last polishing swipe and gathered the used paper towels and bottle of window cleaner, returning it to under the kitchen sink and disposing of the rubbish. 

He grinned, remembering Cas ordering him to look at himself in the mirror to see what a pretty boy Dean was being for him. How their eyes had met and held each other, unable to look away. Until that first hot pulse had drawn both of their attentions back to Cas’ long fingers. 

He heard the shower switch off and placed Cas’ travel mug under the coffee machine. Dean could survive on the coffee he made at Bobby’s, but Cas deserved only the best. He placed it on the counter between the kitchen and living area and, placing a small jug under the machine, started the flush cycle. He was wiping the counter down when he heard Cas walk up behind him. 

“I made you coffee,” Dean said as arms came around his sides and held him tightly. 

“Mmm, I can smell it. Thank you.” Cas pulled Dean around and kissed him thoroughly. “If you’re ready to leave then I can drop you off, instead of leaving your Baby and needing to pick her up in the morning.” Dean nodded, and they’d departed together.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean was distracted all through the morning. Every reflective surface brought the memory and blood rushing back to Dean’s face. That changed shortly after lunch when Sam called and confirmed the test results had come back positive for asbestos. Dean confirmed with Garth that he could work Dean’s Saturday morning shift.

Dean wanted to skip dinner at The Roadhouse that night, so he’d called Cas to suggest it to him. Cas reminded Dean there was no point in getting Sam right after work as Sam had an evening class that did not finish until 8pm. 

Dean walked down to The Roadhouse with the other guys and was surprised to see Cas’ car parked out the front. He asked about it when they were all seated at the tables Ellen had pulled together. “We’re going to get Sam after dinner,” he’d replied, as if it was a given. Dean nodded. He should have known Cas would have a plan to get Sam out of his death trap dorm room tonight.

He spent most of the meal looking at his watch. He wanted to leave by 7:30pm to get Sam and he even talked Ellen into having a burger wrapped and ready to go with them. The other half of the meal was spent apologizing to Beth. 

“Dean, it’s fine, we didn’t have any plans for this weekend,” she told him. “Besides, I worked out if you do Garth’s half-day next month, it coincides with a couple’s yoga retreat. I tentatively booked us in after Garth said it might happen.”

“It’s a whole outdoor camping and yoga weekend. I should bring you the pamphlet that we have for it,” Garth chimed in. Dean was going to decline but he noticed how Cas’ eyes lit up as the bubbly couple talked about it. Maybe a weekend in the forest was in Dean’s future after all.

Thankfully, right as Garth and Beth started describing the luxury camping conditions, including brass beds and hot showers, Sam’s burger was brought out and Dean was able to start the round of goodbyes to everyone. Having hot food in his hand went a long way for getting them out the bar quickly and on the road.

  


.oOo.

  


“Sam! Over here,” Dean called out, having spotted his gargantuan brother walking towards the building they were parked in front of.

“Dean, what are you doing here?” Sam questioned as he walked up to them.

“I gotcha a burger, and we’re here to take you home.” Dean held up the food.

“I thought the plan was tomorrow morning?” Dean could tell Sam was annoyed, but he was too distracted rewrapping his burger to eat.

“We thought we’d make a head start,” Cas came to Dean’s rescue. “Get what we can tonight, and save some time tomorrow.”

“Dean’s freaked out about the asbestos,” Sam muttered around the burger. 

“Dean’s freaked out about the asbestos,” Cas agreed.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up fuzzball.” Dean resorted to Han quotes when he felt attacked.

“You know it’s been there the entire time that I’ve been living here,” Sam got out before taking another bite of his burger. He waved them to follow him inside as he continued to eat. “Most of my stuff’s ready to go actually. I kept all my boxes when I moved in, and I packed most of my stuff before class.”

“Still don’t know why you have a Friday night class,” Dean grumbled. He couldn’t think of anything worse than having to attend a lecture on a Friday night.

“Because Marv, the professor, is an ass and he knows his classes are required, so he schedules them for 8am Monday or 6pm Friday. I’d have gone Monday, but it conflicted with Ethics.” Sam shrugged and unlocked his room.

“Are these all ready to go?” Cas asked, pointing to the boxes sitting at the end of Sam’s bed.

“Yup, all I really have left is the stuff I had out for class and studying tonight, and clothes. We can maybe fit it all in Cas’ car if we play Tetris.” Sam sat at his desk to finish his food, while Cas took the first box down. “Dean,” he said, stopping his brother from following with the next box. “I know you and Cas are moving forward with your relationship, but… Look, I don’t want to hear it, okay?” He got the last out in a rush.

“Sammy? What kinda guy do you take me for?” Dean grinned at him.

“The type who’ll turn into a screamer when he knows I can hear him,” Sam dead panned.

Dean’s grin turned feral. “You don’t need to worry Sam, as tempting as it is to embarrass you.” He paused and softened to dreamy smile. “Cas is something special and I wouldn’t use him like that.”

“Like what?” Cas asked from the doorway, causing Dean to jump.

“Fuck,” Dean exclaimed. “You need a bell. I thought you’d gone downstairs?”

“I realized you were not behind me and wondered what was happening.” Cas adjusted his grip on the box he was still holding. “You do not need to worry about noise Sam. I picked that condo because the two bedrooms do not share any walls. Provided both bedroom doors are closed, the bathroom and closets act sufficiently as a sound barrier.”

“Damnit Cas, you can’t just say shit like that,” Dean complained, before picking up a box and herding his boyfriend down the corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't notice I have changed the rating to Explicit. It's possible that others may still have rated this chapter as Mature. I'm sorry if you saw the change and thought that you'd have something more detailed. 
> 
> Bonus unedited snippet.
> 
> *** A line of semen hit the mirror where Dean's face was reflected. Dean licked his lips in reflex but in the mirror his tongue disappeared behind the smear. He groaned in frustration, not sure if it was because his taste hadn't exploded in his mouth, or because he'd tried licking the reflection of his orgasm from his lips.
> 
> "So pretty for me," Cas whispered in his ear, working the last of Dean's passion from his body. "I'm going to have my shower. You can clean up your mess." Cas half turned Dean in his arms and kissed him deeply before exiting the room.***
> 
> I really wanted to add something like that to the chapter, but it wasn't flowing when I was writing.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean perked up as soon as he heard Cas calling out from the front door. “We’re in Sam’s room, Bumblebee,” he shouted.
> 
> “Bumblebee?” Sam questioned.
> 
> “Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amazing Fox got this back to me on Friday night, and I've been sitting on my hands since then, because all I've wanted to do since is post it.
> 
> * * *

In the end, they weren’t able to pack everything Sam owned into Cas’ car, not and fit three grown men as well. So Saturday morning, after heading to the café where Charlie worked and eating breakfast, Sam and Dean left Cas behind and drove back to the dorm to collect the last of Sam’s clothes and books. Cas stayed at the apartment because the tallboy and desk he’d ordered earlier in the week were due to be delivered.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean rested the box he was carrying on the corner and dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

Silence greeted the two brothers. Sam dropped the two garbage bags he’d been carrying to shuck his shoes. Then he took the box from Dean so he could do the same. Dean didn’t want to let on, but he was quite disturbed Cas had not replied. He followed Sam out of the entry way and headed straight for their bedroom to see if Cas was in there. Maybe he hadn’t heard Dean. “Cas, are you in here?” he called from the door, but there wasn’t an answer and Cas wasn’t in there.

He wasn’t in the bathroom, which Dean checked on his way to Sam’s room, and he wasn’t in there either. However, the new furniture was, and Sam was already placing his books on both the hutch above the desk and in the new bookcase Cas had not told anyone he’d bought. Dean grabbed the garbage bags from the entryway and started dumping Sam’s clothes in the drawers. 

“Sam? Dean? Are you back?” 

Dean perked up as soon as he heard Cas calling out from the front door. “We’re in Sam’s room, Bumblebee,” he shouted.

“Bumblebee?” Sam questioned.

“Shut up.” Dean caught sight of Cas sneakily going into their bedroom carrying something. Dean left Sam and his unpacking behind and followed Cas into their bedroom. “Hey,” he said, leaning against the door jam.

“Hello Dean.” Cas stepped out from the walk-in. 

“I thought you’d be home when we got back,” Dean stated, hoping Cas would elaborate on his own.

“The delivery people took longer than I anticipated.” Cas walked around the bed and slipped into Dean’s arms, leaning up and kissing him softly. “Did Sam like his bookcase? I was hoping to be here when he discovered it.”

“Where were you?” Dean asked, following Cas into Sam’s bedroom.

“Out. I... ah... needed to pick something up, for later.” Cas looked guilty. But catching the expression on Dean’s face, he pushed Dean back into their bedroom and closed the door behind him. “What’s wrong, Dean?”

“Nothing,” he replied, but seeing the determined look on Cas’ face, he continued, “I just thought you’d be here when we got back.” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck.

“I meant to be back before you. I am sorry that I was not.” Cas stepped forward, crowding into Dean’s space. “You were worried.”

“Yeah, Cas, I was worried. The last time I came home and you weren’t here, I found you with Sam.” Dean shut up. This was a line of conversation he did not want to bring up right now. It wasn’t that he wanted to avoid it, but the timing sucked. Sam was moving in today and tonight they were going out for dinner. This wasn’t the time for an argument.

“When you ran away from Sam and I.”

Okay, they were going to do this now then. Dean took a deep breath. “Why were you talking with Sam about us? Why weren’t you at home and talking to me?” He was so scared of what Cas was going to say about that night in the kitchen that he did the only thing he knew how to do – attack. Because the best defense is offense. One of those John-instilled lessons.

“I went to Sam because I did not know what I wanted to say to you.” Cas shook his head. “No, that is not true. I knew what I wanted to say to you, but I did not know how to make sure that you heard what I needed to say.”

“What does that even mean, Cas?” Dean spun around and moved away from Cas, putting the expanse of the bed between them. Cas followed him. They weren’t touching but there wasn’t any space between them.

“You are very frustrating, Dean. You make your mind up and only hear what you want to hear,” his voice was low and full of danger. Cas stepped forward again and Dean fell back until he was pressed against the wall. Cas gently placed his hands on the walls, boxing Dean in so he couldn’t move away without them touching, which Cas still hadn’t done. “The night before we were going so well, then all of a sudden you pulled away from me. You would not touch me, look at me, barely talked to me. I did not know what was going on. So I went to Sam.”

“I pulled away? Cas you pulled away from me. We were in the kitchen kissing and you flinched, you jumped back like I’d burnt you. I thought¬—” Dean stopped. They were in such a good place now, couldn’t sleeping dogs be left to lie? Why did they need to talk about this? Weren’t they past this?

“What did you think, Dean?” Cas commanded, his tone leaving no room for maneuvering.

“I thought that I’d—” Dean paused. “I thought I’d ruined everything,” he whispered, dropping his head. He knew the disgust he still felt with himself would be written in his eyes, and the last thing Dean wanted was for Cas to see it, and think it was directed at him.

“That night was a revelation for me, Dean. Until then, when we had been kissing and touching, I had felt safe with you,” Dean hunched in on himself at Cas’ words. “Hey, let me finish first okay?” A crooked finger slid under Dean’s chin encouraging him to lift his face and meet Cas’ eyes. Eyes filled with warmth and something else Dean was too scared to name. “Being with you was warm and comforting, it felt like home being in your arms. However, that night in the kitchen it was like this perfect hearth-contained fire had ignited a forest and you were right. It was like I had been burned. Desire ripped like wildfire through me. I have never felt like that before, I wanted you, and you...” Cas swallowed, “You kept saying you ‘shouldn’t have’ and that you were sorry and I tried telling you it was okay, that I was fine.” Cas stopped. “But I am not okay, Dean. You started a fire inside me and just standing this close to you fans the flames.”

“Cas.” His name was a broken prayer on Dean’s lips. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything that has happened between us…” Dean brushed his lips against Cas’. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Cas.” He deepened the kiss. “I know I’m not the best with words, I need to talk more, but when you say things like that to me...” He moaned as he worked his lips down Cas’ throat, fingers working the buttons of his shirt loose.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was a bucket of cold water.

Dean groaned and rested his forehead against Cas’ collarbone. “Yeah, Sam?”

“What’s the plan for the day? I’ve got everything put away.”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” Dean wanted to mewl because Cas was pulling away and re-buttoning his shirt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news The Fox also sent back to me the fully edited version of my dcbb, she's such a clever Fox. I am so excited to share that with you all at the end of November.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you to know, Sammy, if you do have someone over and you close your door, I promise I won’t interrupt you,” he told his younger brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, you have no idea how much I love The Fox. Tonight we were talking about things (™) and long story short, in The Fox's words.
> 
> _I'm reading all the comments and they are making me happy laugh. And because I'm evil I now think they either need to play charades or Dean has to lose his voice. No Talking. Evil._   
>  _Dean works himself up for a big Talk, but Cas comes home with wadding stuffed in his ears because he has some sort of weird ear infection._   
>  _This is not an actual story suggestion, I just want to mess with people!_   
>  _Because evil_   
> 
> 
> Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged her to read all of your lovely comments
> 
> * * *

“Sam,” he said.

“Yeah, Dean?” Sam looked up from his desk.

Dean leaned against the door jam. “You know if you were seeing anyone, you could bring them over, right?” He tugged at the cuffs of his sharp suit, ready for his dinner date with Cas.

“Ah, where is this coming from?” Sam had that look on his face.

“I want you to feel at home here,” he answered.

“You do, do you? And how does Cas feel about that?”

“Same way he felt when you stayed here over summer, or for spring break, or Christmas when he gave you your own key and told you to make yourself at home,” Dean grinned.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, fair enough.”

“I want you to know, Sammy, if you do have someone over and you close your door, I promise I won’t interrupt you,” he told his younger brother.

“Leaving aside the whole me ‘having someone over and closing the door’... do you really expect me to believe you’re not going be an asshole?”

“Yeah well, paybacks are a bitch,” Dean smirked

“Jerk.” Sam dropped his head and turned back to his desk to hide the red blush staining his cheeks from Dean’s sight. The sound of the door opening behind him had Dean turning as well. Framed by their doorway, Cas stood dressed to go out to the fancy restaurant Dean booked earlier in the week.

“Hey Cas,” Dean’s voice cracked inside of his suddenly dry mouth.

“Hello Dean,” he responded, tilting his head to the side. “Is it nearly time to go?”

‘Yeah, uh yeah, we should get going.” Dean turned back to his brother for one last quip. “Don’t wait up, Sammy.”

  


.oOo.

  


The restaurant where Dean reserved a table didn’t look like much from the outside. Even having been told exactly where it was on the block, they nearly walked past it, twice. At the last moment, Dean caught sight of a brass plaque attached to the plain grey brick wall and he pulled the solid oak plank door open to usher Cas inside.

The walls were a red ochre over a cream-painted wood panel and they were decked with photos. The tables were covered in matching layered clothes, cream over rust. They were led to a table in a quiet corner as Dean had requested. Glasses of ice water were poured as the waiter took their drinks order, then they were left alone.

“I did not realize you knew about this place,” Cas commented. “They are known for never having taken out any commercial advertising. Vlado’s is only known by word of mouth.”

“I guess I know someone who knows someone then,” Dean grinned. “I, ah, asked Ellen what the best steakhouse was and she said here. I was surprised I got the booking actually.”

Their waiter returned with the beers they had requested, and another appeared at his side carrying a platter. “Your first course is a beef and pork sausage,” the waiter told them as he placed the metal plate between them. At one end, two small dinner rolls sat next to a small dish with two pats of butter in it. The other end held a shallow glass bowl containing shredded lettuce and tomato wedges. In the center were two fat, juicy-looking sausages that had been sliced diagonally.

The server left before Dean could question the food’s arrival. Cas must have seen the confusion on Dean’s face. “It’s a semi-set menu here. Four courses, the first two are set, we will be asked to pick out the steak we want for the third, and then I believe dessert is either strawberry crepes or ice cream with strawberries.” Cas used his knife and fork to shift some of the sausage to the plate in front of him along with some of the salad.

Dean stabbed a chunk with his fork and ate it directly from the platter. He’d have been embarrassed by the moan he let out when the flavor exploded in his mouth if it wasn’t for how dark Cas’ eyes turned. There wasn’t much talking while they ate. Dean thought he’d get a chance once they’d finished the sausages, however, their servers swept in.

Plates, cutlery and platter all disappeared and were promptly replaced with the next course. The waiter pointed at the selections of meat on the new platter and named them all. “Pork burger, pork neck, liver and slices of eye fillet.” The salad bowl was also replenished. They moved the various meats to their individual plates and Dean again lost the ability to speak coherently as the meat melted in his mouth.

Once the table had been cleared again and their beers replaced, Dean sat back and studied the man sitting across from him. “So Cas,” he started, “I guess you know by now I’m not much for words.” The dark-haired beauty across from him nodded. “I want you to know that…” he rubbed at the back of his neck, “just because I don’t say something to you, that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it.” Dean stopped speaking when he caught sight of one of the servers walking towards their table.

“How has your meal been so far?” he asked, and they made small talk for a moment until a second waiter arrived carrying a tray containing four raw steaks on it. “Your steak choices tonight are either a tenderloin, or New York strip.” Both steaks were shown on the tray in two different sizes. Dean ordered the larger strip, medium-rare, while Cas selected the petite tenderloin, rare, before the waiters left them alone again.

“I wanted to, to give you something, to wear. Something that’d remind you whenever you looked at it, about how I feel about you.” Dean could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks as he pulled out the piece of braided ribbon he’d been working on during the week on his lunch breaks. “Here.” He thrust it towards Cas.

Castiel took it from Dean’s hand and ran it through his fingers. “It’s lovely, Dean.”

Dean captured Cas’ hands in his own and worked the braid around Cas’ left wrist where he knotted it in place. Tugging at the plaited narrow green, white and blue ribbons he spoke softly. “The blue is for your eyes, and the green is for mine. The white is, I dunno, for the purity of how I feel about you.” Dean could feel the glowing heat in his cheeks. “Cas, I’m yours, for as long as you want me to be. And if you don’t, then, if you cut this off, I’ll know you’re done with me.” Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of the knot he’d tied. Too scared by what he might see in Cas’ eyes if he met them.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cas…” He didn’t know how to continue.
> 
> “Dean,” Cas replied. A whole conversation in two words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Fox pointed out, that I reference a scene in a movie that came out in 2000, and maybe I shouldn't use such an old movie, but since the story is set in 2003, I feel it's a current movie.
> 
> However if you haven't seen it, and you don't understand the reference, I have included a link to the scene in the end notes.
> 
> * * *

Dean twisted his fingers in the braid around Cas’ wrist and took a deep breath. Cas placed the fingers of his right hand under Dean’s chin, applying gentle pressure. Not enough to raise Dean’s face, more a polite invitation to meet Cas’ gaze. A second deep breath and Dean raised his eyes, only to have the air punched from his lungs at the look of sheer love he found there.

“Cas…” He didn’t know how to continue.

“Dean,” Cas replied. A whole conversation in two words, and just as well as that was when their steaks arrived. The simple salad was replenished and they were left alone again. Cas twirled the ring of ribbon around his wrist, then picked up his cutlery and motioned for Dean to do the same. “We should eat. They take a lot of time and care with the steaks here. We should enjoy them at their peak.”

Dean would have liked to say later he could remember the rest of their meal, but what he remembered most was how Cas’ lips surrounded the tines of his fork as he ate each mouthful. How Cas’ eyes remained dark and hooded through the meal. How Dean wanted to lean across the table and kiss the drop of strawberry juice that beaded on Cas’ bottom lip when bit into one. How Cas’ fingers kept returning to the braid Dean had tied a knot in around his wrist. 

On the walk back to the car, Dean found himself pushed up against a street lamp with Cas pressing up against him. “Hey there, Cas,” he got out before his mouth was captured. Despite the outward appearance of the act, the kiss itself was soft, sweet even. A gentle exploration of Dean by Cas.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean nuzzled at the bolt of Cas’ jaw before whispering in his ear, “Honey, I’m home.” He reached out blindly and dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

“Dean, shhhh, you’ll wake Sam.” He wouldn’t because Dean only had two beers and he knew how to be quiet. Cas, on the other hand, was not making any effort to be quiet as he spoke, or as he moved through the condo. Dean followed him into the kitchen where he found Cas checking the rubbish bin (empty) and the sink (wiped clean).

“Ready for bed, Honeybee?” Dean leaned against the wall.

“Just let me wash up.” Cas paused by Dean as he exited the kitchen. “I’m happy to share the basin with you,” he whispered against Dean’s ear.

How was that sexy? He was suggesting they stand side by side and brush their teeth, and Dean was following him into the bathroom like a puppy. Cas was already at the basin, toothbrush in his mouth, rimmed in white foam, the scent of peppermint strongly in the air. Nope, there was no way this should be sexy. But it was.

Dean nudged Cas with his hip to make space at the sink and Cas shuffled sideways but then brushed his shoulder up against Dean in a motion more reminiscent of a cat than a grown man. Their eyes met and held in the mirror as they (and Dean would never admit it to anyone) reenacted the teethbrushing/flirting scene from _Bring It On_. Laughing, Dean cupped his hand under the faucet and rinsed his mouth after Cas, then grabbed the other end of the towel Cas was using to wipe his hands and mouth. Leaning over, Dean kissed him softly and murmured they should head to bed.

In the bedroom, Dean stood at the end of the bed and started stripping, throwing his clothes into the hamper. Cas moved past him to hang up his suit jacket on a coat hanger hung from a hook on the back of the closet door. He stepped into the walk-in and came out carrying the cotton bag Dean caught him being sneaky with earlier.

“Dean, I have something for you too,” Cas spoke quietly. “It is not as… Well, it pales in comparison to the…” he held his wrist up showing the braided ribbon. “I – You – At night...” He breathed out noisily. “When we go to sleep, you spend a lot of time playing with the material of my sleep pants, caressing it and tugging at it. I thought, maybe, you may like some of your own, so I had some made for you.” He thrust the bag towards Dean.

Dean stepped forward and took the bag in one hand, and Cas’ hip in his other. He nuzzled at Cas’ cheek. “You had pajama bottoms made for me?”

“Yes,” Cas sighed.

Dean thought about Cas’ sleepwear, how soft they were and how warm Cas felt in them. He also thought about all the cute patterns and prints Cas used, and while Dean loved them on Cas, he knew he’d feel weird wearing mint green pants with frolicking unicorns prancing across them. He steeled himself to show no emotion as he let go of Cas to pull the clothing out of the bag.

His fingers curled around soft flannelette and pulled them out into the light. There were two pairs, neatly folded and stacked one on top of the other. Dean felt a smile tugging at his lips. They were still full of whimsy but the design on Dean’s pants was much bolder than the ones Cas wore. The first pair was midnight blue with large, white, five-point stars in an offset grid. The second pair was white and also covered in stars, these ones ranging in size from pinpricks to dimes, in gunmetal grey.

“Cas, these are awesome,” Dean looked up, allowing the smile he’d been fighting to burst out across his face.

“You like them,” Cas sounded hesitant. 

“I love them, they’re great.” Dean rubbed his cheek over the material, enjoying the feel of the nap against his skin. “I can’t wait to wear them.” He tossed them onto the bed and hurriedly stripped off his remaining clothing. Once nude, Dean’s hand hovered over the pants, unsure which pair he wanted to wear first.

“The blue pair.” Cas whispered behind him. Dean picked them up and drew them up his legs. They snugly hugged his hips, the drawstring almost not needed. There was just enough pleating in the design so the material skimmed his thighs. Not loose enough to twist and bunch but not tight enough to feel constricting. Dean wondered at the perfect fit and he turned to Cas to ask about it.

Castiel stood frozen, eyes flicking over Dean’s body, pupils blown wide open. “Dean,” he breathed, stretching out a hand, barely touching the waistband with his fingertips.

“Yeah, Bumblebee?” Dean’s voice was husky.

“You look...” Cas’ tone matched Dean’s, “...so good.” Cas swallowed. “I never understood couples wearing each other’s clothing. I mean, these are your sleep pants, but it is like you are wearing my clothing.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.

Cas trailed his fingers down the outer seam before grabbing a handful of the material and tugging Dean forward. The position was awkward because Cas had pulled him sideways into his body. Dean’s thigh was pressed into the crevice of Cas’ legs, Cas’ hands were on his body, hip and ass. Cas’ torso tilted back and away from Dean so he could look down at where his hands gripped and released, fisting and smoothing the material.

Low noises issued from Cas’ throat, dark and full of desire. Dean could feel his body responding to them and Cas’ body responding. 

“Cas, I’m going to climb into bed now,” Dean forced himself to say. “You’re going to finish getting changed and then we’re going to turn the lights off, and we’re going to go to sleep.”

Cas growled, clearly not liking the suggestion. Dean pulled him close and ran his hands soothingly up and down Cas’ back.

“Monday. We get our results on Monday. We’re so close, Cas.” Dean hated what he was saying, but he knew how important it was to do this. “So close. I want to do this right, I want you so much, don’t ever think that I don’t. Monday, Cas. Monday I’m going to be yours, and you’ll be mine.”

“Okay,” Cas rested his head against Dean’s shoulder and took deep breaths. “Monday.” He nodded and stepped away from Dean. “We can wait until Monday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Bring It On](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3-ywpMj4Jk)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean did not wake up to Cas’ fist entangled in his t-shirt on Sunday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very busy weekend for both me and The Fox. I started uploading while it was still Sunday, and I'm sure it's still Sunday for most of you.
> 
> * * *

Dean did not wake up to Cas’ fist entangled in his t-shirt on Sunday morning. For a start, Dean hadn’t worn a t-shirt to bed last night, and Cas’ hand was decidedly lower on Dean’s body. He was just happy Cas’ grip was not the tight fist it had been previously, although if he didn’t let go soon then things were not going to remain as roomy as they were now.

Dean rolled onto his back, hoping by pushing Cas back slightly he’d let go or shift his palm, something to relieve the tension. The universe was laughing at him. Cas didn’t back away, Cas snuggled in closer. Cas’ hand moved, but not away. Big rolling belly laughs all at Dean’s expense.

“Cas, Cas-bee, you need to stop that,” Dean whispered into the top of Cas’ head where he’d tucked in under Dean’s chin. Dean tried grabbing Cas’ wrist and pulling his hand away. Sorry, let me reword that – Dean grabbed Cas’ wrist easily enough but was unsuccessful at pulling his hand away from Dean’s junk.

Cas growled. Low and dirty and it didn’t do a thing to help Dean’s situation at all. “No,” Cas rumbled from deep in his chest. Pressed as close as they were, Dean felt more than heard his response.

“Cas, we talked about this last night.” Dean was struggling to think of anything other than Cas’ hand working itself up and down Dean’s length.

Cas surged up Dean’s body and captured his mouth in a filthy kiss, all teeth and tongue and hot breath. “We agreed no sex. You didn’t mind me helping out Friday morning.” His hand let go briefly to rise up and slip under the waistband. Hot hand and hard flesh soon met and they both groaned.

“Cas, Sam’s next door,” Dean struggled to think of a reason why they should stop.

“Sam is going to be in the next room all week, possibly longer. Are we going to keep our hands to ourselves until he moves back into his dorm?” Cas’ hand moved downward and while Dean’s balls rested in the palm of his hand, Cas’ finger tips were gliding across Dean’s perineum. He changed the angle so his nails rasped Dean’s flesh as he pulled his hand away. “What if Sam moves in?”

“Cas,” Dean whined, lost in sensation. With the loss of sensation as Cas drew his hand away.

“Dean, open your drawer and pull out the lube you have in there.” Cas shifted so his left hand was free to tangle in Dean’s hair as Dean threw his hand out sideways to his bedside table, struggling to open it while Cas’ lips found Dean’s nipple. Cas worked the midnight blue pants down Dean’s hips with one hand.

There was a knock on their bedroom door. Dean froze. Cas released the rosebud of flesh he’d been gently nipping at. “Sam, unless there is a fire or some other form of imminent death, you need to go away,” Cas spoke loudly.

“Ah no, I just want to –” Sam didn’t get to finish.

“Walk away from the door, Sam.” Cas’ voice brooked no room for discussion.

“Sorry,” the worry in Sam’s voice was clear. No other sounds were forthcoming until the front door slamming close permeated the condo.

“Dude, did you just scare off my brother?” 

“I – I am sorry Dean,” he replied, withdrawing back to his own side of the bed.

Dean pulled his pants over the flagging evidence of their morning’s activity and sat up. “I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, or that it wasn’t damn hot,” Dean spoke as he slid over and nudged Cas’ shoulder with his own. “But he’s my baby brother. If anyone gets to scare him, it’s meant to be me.”

“I guess the mood is broken now?” Cas leaned into Dean.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “So what are our plans for the day? Breakfast? Markets? What else?”

  


.oOo.

  


Sam tried to apologize when he returned from his run, but Dean refused to talk about what happened. They all ate the pancakes Dean made for breakfast and Sam refrained from commenting on the fact that Cas’ pancakes were not the perfect circles that his and Dean’s were. Dean made a mental note that heart shaped pancakes were not as easy to make as he thought they would be, and wondered if he’d need to buy a mold.

At the markets, Cas and Dean searched out a snow cone cart and indulged in the treat even if it was the middle of October. As they walked around eating them, Dean spotted advertising for a couples’ cooking class. He paid the deposit so he and Cas could learn how to make butternut pumpkin ravioli the following Sunday. They left the markets with Sam and Dean carrying all of their purchases because Cas’ arms were filled with the dozen long stem, red roses Dean had bought him.

Sunday night became a negotiation. Three adult men all trying to get ready for bed at the same time with only the one bathroom saw Cas quickly scheduling showering times with Sam for the mornings. Previously when Sam had stayed at the condo he’d been on holidays, so when he and Cas got in from their morning run Cas would shower first so he wouldn’t be late for work. Sam would wait until everyone had left for the day. This time the plan was that Sam would drop Cas off at work, before heading to his own morning classes.

Their alarms went off impossibly early in the morning, and unlike the soft buzzing of Cas’ phone alarm, Sam’s alarm clock was loud enough to wake the dead. Or in this case Dean. Threats were made, promises given, but half-awake Dean was already thinking about revenge when he burrowed back into Cas’ side of the bed, breathing in the smell of his soon-to-be lover.

All day, Dean kept his phone on him, waiting for the call to say his results were in, that he was clean, that he and Cas could take the next step in their relationship. His phone didn’t make a peep the entire day. By 4pm he had enough and he rang the doctor’s surgery only to be told the results weren’t in yet. Devastated, Dean asked why, and was placed on hold for what felt like hours, but was actually more like eight minutes. The laboratory had a backlog and not all of his tests had been completed in time to make the morning run. The surgery would receive his results tomorrow.

It hadn’t mattered that the nurse had spoken to the lab and been told his results were all clear. He and Cas had agreed to no sex until they handed each other proof, and that meant they would have to wait at least another day. Dean picked up Cas after work, and instead of driving to the surgery to pick up their results, he drove them home, explaining what had happened.

“It’s probably for the best,” Cas said. “Sam has his study group tomorrow night. We won’t need to worry about how much noise we make tomorrow.”

Dean swallowed dryly. “Do you plan on making a lot of noise Cas?”

“I like the noises that you’ve made for me already. I have plans to see how many more of them I can tease out of you.”

“Oh,” Dean had never been so happy they were stuck at a red light. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep the car straight if they’d been moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes yes I'm a horrible person. I have been told this repeatedly.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What? Nothing’s wrong, Cas.” Dean swallowed and caught himself lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck. He aborted the movement half way to his neck and awkwardly rested his arm across the back of the bench seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to see The Fox this week to drop off some rebound books and one of the mini Foxes gave me a white rose. Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea, but it was terribly sweet and I adore them all.
> 
> * * *

It was on the tip of Dean’s tongue the rest of the drive home - the need to tell Cas he couldn’t touch him at all tonight. The very idea of snuggling on the couch together, knowing it could not go further, that he had another night where he couldn’t bury himself in Cas. Another night without completion. Or worse, Cas helping him with his ‘problem’, calm and collected while Dean fell apart under his ministrations.

Dean needed to tell Cas they needed to stay apart tonight. Dean needed to sit on the chair by himself, or have Cas sit back there again. Dean wasn’t sure he could watch Cas share the couch with Sam. Not that Dean thought for a moment there was anything going on between Cas and his brother. It wasn’t that type of jealousy. It was that anyone could sit near Cas when he couldn’t, and he couldn’t. It would drive him crazy.

To feel the warmth of his soon-to-be-lover next to him, the feel of his smooth flesh under Dean’s calloused hands. He mentally gnashed his teeth and brayed at the night sky. His animal brain stalked the passages of his mind screaming Cas was his, he’d been promised tonight. He’d waited so long, and would not be denied now. Mine mine mine, it chanted at Dean.

“What were you thinking we’d have for dinner tonight?” Dean asked evenly.

“I was thinking I would like to use the head of lettuce we bought yesterday, while it is still at its best,” Cas replied. “Tacos? Or make a side salad to go with the steaks? Maybe lettuce cups?”

“Sam’s probably beaten us home, he might have started something,” Dean continued the conversation, trying to work out how he could tell Cas he needed to sleep on the couch tonight, rather than wrapping himself around Cas. Dean turned the Impala into their building and headed for his space at the back.

“I do not think so. My car is not in my spot,” Cas commented as Dean braked and turned the engine off. “Dean? What is wrong?” Cas turned on the seat to face Dean, back to the door he wasn’t making any move to open.

“What? Nothing’s wrong, Cas.” Dean swallowed and caught himself lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck. He aborted the movement half way to his neck and awkwardly rested his arm across the back of the bench seat.

“Dean,” Cas’ voice was full of warning.

“I, uhmm, I had plans for tonight, and well...” he shrugged and dropped his hands into his lap. “Obviously I need to postpone them. I guess I’m just bummed, ya know?” Dean hoped that was enough of an admission, there wasn’t any way he could admit to his inner turmoil. 

There wasn’t any way he could say how he felt without Cas thinking Dean only wanted him for sex and now that sex was off the table for tonight, that Dean didn’t even want to touch him at all. It was anything but the truth. How could he possibly tell Cas he was scared he would lose control if he touched him right now?

“I too had plans for tonight,” Cas whispered.

“You did, did you?” Dean asked, lifting his knee and sliding it across the seat so he could face Cas fully.

“Yes Dean,” Cas’ eyes flared with desire.

Dean licked his lips and watched Cas’ eyes drop to his mouth, so he did it again, deliberately slower, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. Only letting it spring back to its plump fullness when Cas let out a soft gasp. “Tell me.”

“I was going to wait until Sam went to his room. I was going to pull you into our room and lock the door behind us. Push you onto my bed. We would have changed earlier in the night, you were going to be wearing the white pair. I had planned on wearing the bumblebees. For you. Because you call me your honeybee now.”

“Cas,” Dean could warn with a word too.

“I would have climbed over you, pinning you to my bed. I have loved having you in my bed, but it is not enough. I need you, Dean.” Cas licked his own lips now and it was Dean’s turn to be captivated. “The thought of having you splayed out naked underneath me has been driving me to distraction all week. I would have started by kissing you softly on your lips. I planned to kiss my way down your throat, and across your collar bones. The left and then the right. My hands on your flanks as I worked my way down your torso. I wanted to kiss and bite and leave marks all over your bare flesh.”

Dean’s breath was quickening, but he wasn’t panting, not yet. His jeans were uncomfortably tight and he needed to adjust himself. Cas sat still, relaxed, leaning back against the door, eyes tracking every movement Dean made.

“Have I told you how much I love your belly? I plan to kiss every single inch of it. Hold you by your hips so you cannot move away from my attack. Draw those white pants down your legs. Find you naked and exposed without them. Maybe leave them in a tangle around your ankles as I strip my own off.” 

“You think I’d just lay there and let you do all that do you?”

“Yes, Dean, I do. If you try to move I would surge up your body, sit across your thighs and pin your wrists above your head. Kiss you deeply until all you can do is moan my name. Thrust downward with my hips, trap your cock with mine between our bodies.”

Dean let out a small whimper and pressed the heel of his hand against his growing erection. He knew he must be leaking copious amounts just from listening to Cas’ voice darken as he described what he wanted to do to Dean.

“Once I had control of you again, I would reach under your pillow where I left a bottle of lubricant this morning. I would have poured a generous amount into the palm of my hand, and gripped us both tight.”

“It would’ve been cold, Cas. You didn’t do anything to warm it up,” Dean wanted to reach for him, he wanted to kiss Cas so much. To pour gasoline on the raging fire.

“Our flesh would be so hot, Dean,” Cas was nearly guttural now. “The cool would be a balm. I plan to stroke our lengths as I thrust through the fist I would be holding us with, encourage you to help me bring you to the brink, then stop. I would have told you ‘not yet’.”

Dean growled his frustration, they weren’t even touching in the car and he was so close. The very idea Cas would edge him when they had been waiting so long did things to Dean that he couldn’t articulate.

“I would slide back down your legs, nudge my knee between your legs until you opened them up for me. Open you up slowly, have you so wet with lubricant that my fingers would make squelching noises as I scissor you. Kiss you any time you tried to speak, until you are unable to form words. You would be so beautiful. My pretty boy, begging me to fill you. I want you incoherent. Messy with your want.”

Sam knocked on the window behind Dean. “Hey guys, why are you sitting in the car?”

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Sam!” Dean vented all of his frustration at his brother once he peeled himself off of Baby’s ceiling. “How the fuck do you do that?”

Sam who was squatting beside the driver’s door looked worriedly between the two men sitting on opposite sides of the Impala’s wide bench seat. “I interrupted something, didn’t I? Geez, Dean, you’re sitting in a car in an open parking garage.” Sam stood and walked away.

“He has a point. I am not sure I can blame him this time.” Cas turned and opened his door climbing out of the vehicle. “I think chicken salad in lettuce cups for dinner. With that chili-mango sauce we found last week.” Cas nodded to himself as he closed the door. 

Dean dropped his forehead to Baby’s steering wheel. He needed to sleep on the couch tonight. If he climbed into their bed and found a bottle of lube under his pillow it might kill him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The last time I heard Sam sound that prissy was when he was 14 and found my porn stash.” Dean took his shoes off and lined them up against the wall along with Cas’.
> 
> “I would have thought at 14 finding your older brother’s collection would have been like hitting the jackpot.” Cas gestured for Dean to walk into their home.
> 
> “Yeah, you’d think that, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh where to start. The Fox, who reminded me that the story is going to go where the story wants to go, and sometimes that isn't where I thought it would be.
> 
> Also a huge very big thank you to @lotrspnfangirl whose art I have loved seeing in other fics. She very graciously accepted my commission and you all get to see her awesome artwork in this chapter. I love and adore it and I hope that you all will as well.
> 
> * * *

“Dean!” Sam’s voice rang out through the condo. Dean closed his mouth without saying anything and dropped his keys onto the sideboard.

Cas looked at Dean, perplexed. “He does not sound happy.”

“No, he doesn’t. In fact, the last time I heard Sam sound that prissy was when he was 14 and found my porn stash.” Dean took his shoes off and lined them up against the wall along with Cas’.

“I would have thought at 14 finding your older brother’s collection would have been like hitting the jackpot.” Cas gestured for Dean to walk into their home.

“Yeah, you’d think that, right? He was all bent out of shape because of the socks.” 

“They were my socks, Dean,” Sam was standing four feet away from the kitchen counter and his facial expression matched his tone of voice.

“They were the only clean socks I could find,” Dean retorted.

“They weren’t clean when I found them.” Sam made a cutting motion with his hand. “Old battle. Let’s not rehash that now.”

“So what has your panties in a twist now?” Dean asked. Sam pointed to the counter and the purple bottle sitting next to a sheet of paper.

  
  
  


Castiel,

There’s not enough eyebleach in the world.  
I may need a redhot poker.

For the love of our working relationship please keep this -> _(a large arrow has been drawn pointing to the bottle)_ hidden in a drawer. I don’t ever want to find it in your bedding  AGAIN.

Pamela.  
PS: I used your tongs to move it and threw them out afterwards.

  
  


“Oh,” Cas breathed against Dean’s ear from where he was reading the note over Dean’s shoulder. He reached out and took the bottle. “I am very sorry, Sam. I forgot Pamela was coming to clean today.”

Sam’s face went pale as Cas disappeared into the bedroom. “That was Cas?” he asked, turning back to Dean. Dean nodded, grinning broadly. It felt all sorts of good, Sam assuming Dean was an asshole and then having his misconceptions blown out of the water. Cas was awesome. “What the hell did you do to him?” Sam accused.

“What?” Dean stepped back. “What do you mean ‘what did I do to him?’. You should be asking, ‘what does he plan to do to me?’. Which he was describing to me in great detail when you interrupted us in the car.” Dean knew that was a low blow. Sam could not have known what they’d been talking about earlier. But damnit, his brother was giving him blue balls and he needed to pay.

“Dean! Gross,” Sam’s tone shot all the way right back to prissy and he stormed off into his room, door slamming behind him.

Dean picked up the paper, screwed it in a ball and threw it into the recycling can. He washed his hands, opened the fridge and pulled the lettuce out. He tapped his fingers against the top of the lettuce, thinking about what he could make for dinner. He placed it on the counter and added chicken thighs, along with a bunch of other things to make tacos. Dean raided the pantry for the rest of the ingredients and started slicing, dicing and frying.

Cas was the first to make it back into the kitchen, washing his hands before he took over making the salsa. Dean leaned over and made kissy noises at him until Cas closed the distance and touched his lips to Dean’s. “I called Pamela and apologized. I forgot this morning she would be in today to clean.”

“Honeybee, she’s here every Monday. How could you forget?” Dean checked the pan, turned the heat down ever so slightly and added the chicken with a beautiful sizzle. 

“I had other things on my mind this morning,” Cas murmured. The two men worked quietly together to bring the meal to the table all at the same time. “Sam, dinner is ready,” Cas called out. Sam came out of his room and sat down with them. “I am sorry if you were made to feel uncomfortable when you came home today.”

“Can we not talk about it?” Sam squirmed in his chair and continued placing food on his plate.

“Of course. What would everyone like to do tonight?” Cas had been putting together a taco as they’d been talking and he took a bite as he looked between the brothers.

  


.oOo.

  


It was 10pm and they had ended up in front of the TV as they were always going to. Sam sprawled out lazily in the oversized chair, leg hanging off over the arm and arm curled around a cushion he had under his head. Dean lay on the couch with Cas in his arms, wearing those bloody bumblebee pants. Even worse, after his shower Cas had ordered Dean into their room to change, where he’d found the white flannel pants sitting on the end of the bed waiting for him. Dean quickly checked all the pillows and was relived to find nothing secreted under them.

The movie ended and the credits were rolling up the screen and Dean felt confident that even though Cas had dressed them in his fantasy clothing, he might allow Dean to survive the night without combusting. “Cas-bee, time to get up and go to bed,” he whispered across the dozing man’s forehead. “Come on Honeybee, Sam and I will clean up tonight.”

A low growl came from Cas only to be stopped when a pillow smacked into their faces, tossed across the room by Sam. Dean looked at his brother stunned, while Cas blinked at him slowly. “Go, both of you. I’ll wipe the kitchen down and take the trash out. Just take pity on me and keep the noise down.”

“The test results have not come back yet,” Cas grumbled as he stood up and walked into the bathroom. The brothers could hear the water running in the basin for a moment, then the sound of Cas’ electric toothbrush.

Sam’s face was puzzled. “Weren’t you guys meant to get those today?”

“Yeah, there was some delay at the lab.” Dean caught sight of the look on Sam’s face. “I got verbal confirmation that I’m clean, but Cas and I agreed that we’d wait until we could share our results.” He shrugged and carried the dirty mugs into the kitchen, washing them quickly in the sink while Sam pulled the trash bag out of the bin to carry down the hall to the chute.

“Oh,” Sam spoke softly. “You know, I have a study group tomorrow night and none of us have an early class on Wednesday.” He stopped before he turned the corner around the nib wall. “I won’t be home until late. Very late, if you know what I mean. I could even maybe stay at Brady’s.” 

“That’d be great Sam.” Dean dried the mugs put them away and wiped the kitchen down. Cas was already in their room when he entered the bathroom to empty his bladder and brush his own teeth. He nodded to Sam as he left the bathroom and Sam took his place. Dean left the bedroom door open rather than closing it.

“Do you not trust me?” Cas asked from the bed.

“I don’t trust me,” he replied.

Cas nodded, “I trust you, but I do not trust me either.” He held the bedding up for Dean to climb in under. He moved across and snuggled up to Dean, head resting on his shoulder. “You said you had plans for tonight.” He placed a finger over Dean’s lips before he could start speaking. “You know what my plans were. Tomorrow, we should follow your plans.”

“You don’t even know what my plans are,” Dean’s lips moved against Cas’ finger.

“I trust you, Dean.” Cas moved his finger away to replace it with his own lips. A soft kiss, a promise of all the kisses to come. He rolled over so Dean could curl around his back.

“Night guys,” Sam’s voice drifted into their room as his door closed.

“Night Cas,” Dean breathed against his ear as he stretched his arm over Cas to tangle his fingers in the ring of ribbon tied around his wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who were wondering what my mistake was last chapter as mentioned in the comments. It was of course Cas saying that he had placed the bottle of lube under Dean's pillow that morning. If I'd caught it before posting, I'd have changed the line to Cas saying that he'd reach for the bottle of lubrication that he was going to hide under Dean's pillow.
> 
> But then you lovely people wouldn't have gotten that gorgeous piece of artwork, so alls well that ends well.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s got you smiling, brother?” Benny asked as Dean lowered the hood.
> 
> “Can’t a guy smile for no reason?” Dean answered by asking a question in return.
> 
> “Well sure, Garth can, but you?” Benny pointed his finger at Dean. “When you do it, you’re up to something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to The Fox to fitting this is around her super busy weekend. It's Dinovember, she's been writing her section of the exam her students need to take and her entire family from across the country is in town for her Grandmother's 95th birthday.  
> So if this feels a little late, there were really good reasons.
> 
> * * *

“Dean. Put yer damn phone down ‘n’ git back t’work,” Bobby yelled across the workshop floor. Dean grinned at the crotchety old man and waved his hand in acknowledgement. He finished the call and shot a quick text off to Cas letting him know his results were ready to be picked up.

Dean dropped his phone into his pocket and went back to refilling the windscreen washer reservoir. It was the last thing he needed to do before he closed off the job. It was a small thing, a line item on the invoices the front office created. However Bobby was a stickler for, “if it’s on the invoice, then we do it”. Dean appreciated the integrity and he made sure he did it personally on every car he worked on.

“What’s got you smiling, brother?” Benny asked as Dean lowered the hood.

“Can’t a guy smile for no reason?” Dean answered by asking a question in return.

“Well sure, Garth can, but you?” Benny pointed his finger at Dean. “When you do it, you’re up to something.”

“Maybe, maybe,” he chuckled, starting the engine and taking a moment to listen to it. Nodding his head, he closed the door and reversed out of the shop, moving the car to the lot out the back. Dean locked the car and carried the keys and paperwork back into the office, hanging them on the completed board before grabbing the next work order assigned to him. It wasn’t even mid-morning and Dean could tell it was going to be a long day.

Three hours later and Dean was standing in the shower. Instead of having his lunch break, Bobby told him to go home. “I’m not paying you to stand ‘round lollygagging. Git home, come back tomorrow when yer head’s on straight,” were his exact words. Dean washed quickly, wanting to get out of the garage as soon as he could. He suddenly had a free afternoon to organize whatever he wanted for tonight.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean pulled up to Cas’ work. He was early to pick Cas up and with any luck he’d be able to talk Cas into leaving early. He got out of the car, taking the bouquet of Teddy Bear sunflowers with him. It would probably be embarrassing taking them into Cas’ office and giving them to him in front of his co-workers. However, Cas had told him that tonight they were going to be enacting Dean’s fantasy and that started with sweeping Cas off his feet.

He stepped up to the reception desk and smiled at the pretty brunette. “Hi, I’m here to see Castiel Novak please,” he said as politely as he could.

She eyed the bright orange gold flowers and held her hand out for them. “I’ll see that he gets those. Do I need to sign anything?”

“What?” Dean jerked the flowers away from the woman. “No, I’m here to pick Cas up, I’m not a deliveryman.”

Her face crumpled with distress. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she gushed, snatching her hand back and covering her mouth. “I didn’t mean… It’s just you’re the eighth delivery of flowers for Castiel.”

“Eighth?” The bottom of Dean’s stomach plummeted.

“Not that you’re delivering these. All of the roses were delivered. You’re obviously bringing these ones yourself.” She was blathering now, but before Dean could ask about the roses that had been delivered earlier she had picked up the phone and was speaking into it. “Hey, it’s Hannah in reception, I have...” she placed her hand over the mouth piece. “Sorry, what was your name?”

“Dean. Dean Winchester,” he answered, slowly backing away. He needed to get out. Cas was being sent roses, and he’d bought stupid sunflowers. Sunflowers! What the hell had he been thinking? Of course Cas deserved roses, like he’d been sent, by someone else. Someone infinitely better for Cas than Dean would ever be. He wasn’t even listening to Hannah anymore, he was so caught up in what the voice inside his head was saying. Stupid Dean, stupid stupid Dean.

“Dean?” The sound of Hannah calling his name caused him to look up. “Castiel said you could go through. You just follow this corridor down until the T-junction and turn left, then he’s the fourth door on the right.” She was smiling so brightly, so full of encouragement, that Dean didn’t know what else to do other than follow her directions.

Dean walked like he was headed to the gallows, head hanging down, the flowers he once carried so high and proud now listed near his knees. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He turned the corner and started counting doors. Maybe he could just stand here for a moment, then turn back and tell Hannah Cas had been on the phone. He could distract her with the flowers, ask her to find a vase and while she was gone, he’d leave.

He needed to get home and – Oh god, home. A dry sob of pain nearly escaped his throat but he swallowed it down. He needed to find somewhere to live, not just for him but for Sammy too. Maybe Cas would let Sam continue to stay with him until Sam’s dorm was clear and he could move back there. He could probably get a room at the hostel again, his shoulders slumping even further at the thought. Back to Hell.

“Hello Dean,” Dean could hear the smile in Cas’ voice and it felt like a dagger to the heart. He looked up to see the love of his life exiting the fourth door on the right and walk towards him. “I am so happy you are here.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come,” Dean had such tight control over his throat he was barely able to get the words out.

“Nonsense, I am so happy that you came in to get me.” Cas stopped right in front of Dean, toe to toe, and cupped Dean’s face in his hands. Cas’ lips were whisper soft on Dean’s own. “I ordered flowers for you today and underestimated how hard it would be to carry 108 roses by myself.” Cas dropped his hands to Dean’s shoulders then trailed down his arms to catch Dean’s hands in his own. “Dean? Did you buy me flowers too?” His face was so open, full of joy and delight as he lifted Dean’s hand holding the small bunch of flowers he’d brought with him.

Dean was still reeling from Cas’ confession about the roses. “You bought the roses?”

“It took some doing too. Come and look.” Cas looked so happy and proud of himself as he tugged on Dean’s empty hand, directing him back to his office. “I had to call six different florists to try and get them all. In the end, after telling the last florist what I was planning, I was able to talk directly with a wholesaler.” Cas rocked back on his heels and gestured for Dean to look into his office.

Every surface seemed to be filled with bunches of orange roses. Not red, or yellow, but bright orange. “Cas why did you buy 108 orange roses?” The sheer amount of them was slightly overwhelming.

“I wanted to say something very specific. I did my research and everything I read said orange roses symbolized what I wanted to say to you.” Cas moved to his desk and picked up a note book and started to read from it. “They mean ‘enthusiasm and captivation’. They signify new relationships. Desire, enthusiasm, pride, fascination.” He read down the list. “As a mixture of yellow and red, orange roses are seen as the link between friendship and love. Uhm, desire and enthusiasm again. The last website I looked at said this: ‘While a yellow rose reminds us of the sun, an orange rose reminds us of a fiery blaze. These fiery blooms signify passion and energy. Orange roses can be used to express intense desire, pride and fervor. They also convey a sense of fascination. These flowers rival only the red roses as messengers of passion in romance’.” Cas dropped the pad on his desk and stepped back into Dean’s personal space.

“Cas,” Dean swallowed, his voice cracking, “I got so scared when Hannah said you’d been getting deliveries of roses all day. I thought...” Dean held out the bouquet he’d all but strangled. “Why would you want me and my silly Teddy Bear sunflowers when someone else was wooing you with roses?”

“I bought them for you Dean. There is no one else, only you.” Cas spoke with quiet determination and sincerity when Dean expected him to be upset as he confessed his doubts. Cas reached out with his right hand and took the sunflowers from Dean, burying his nose in them for a moment. “I bought you 108 roses, not one more, not one less, because 108 roses have a meaning of their own.”

“What do they mean Cas?” he questioned.

“I went to a jeweler this morning. I wanted to buy you a ring. They would not sell it to me, because the ring I wanted to get you is titanium.” Cas sank to one knee. “You have to know someone’s ring size to buy them a titanium ring because they are difficult or impossible to resize.”

“Cas?” Dean needed him to get to the point. He thought he knew what was happening, but that would be impossible, had to be impossible. Cas couldn’t be doing what Dean thought he was doing.

“I thought if I bought you roses you might accept without a ring, and while I was researching the right color rose to tell you how I feel, I found the number of roses given have their own meaning as well.”

“What do 108 roses mean, Cas?” Dean whispered.

“They mean ‘marry me’.” Cas was still on one knee in front of Dean, looking up at him earnest and holding Dean’s sunflowers.

Dean fell to his knees kissing Cas’ face, his lips, his nose, chin, forehead, cheeks repeating one single word between each. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I talked to The Fox about ending it here, because I liked Dean saying yes as an end point. The Fox went to bat for you all, it wasn't hard, I knew it'd be a terrible place to end the story. She did point out that Cas has totally upstaged any plans that Dean had for the night. But Dean's plan involves orgasms, so I'm sure they'll both still enjoy next chapter.  
> This is a Teddy bear sunflower  
>   
> I should have checked to see if they'd been cultivated 2003, but I haven't, because just for once, I don't care. These are the flowers that Dean brought with him to give to Cas.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean waited while Sam pulled his shoes on. “I plan on making my husband a good meal, drink some nice wine, light a few candles, then take him to bed to show him what I can do. So if you don’t mind, piss off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peeps I don't even know where to start this week. This chapter was not the chapter I thought I was going to be writing when I started it. Dean had his own plans, I just tried to hold on for the ride.
> 
> * * *

Cas and Dean needed two trips to carry all the roses out to the Impala, where they covered the entire back seat. Cas insisted on holding the sunflowers for the drive, smelling their scent often on the way to the doctor’s surgery. He nearly carried them in with him, but Dean took the bouquet out of his hands and promised to hold them while Cas collected his results.

“You need to come in as well. Privacy laws mean they cannot give me your results, Dean,” Cas spoke calmly.

“Ah yeah, I know that, I tried to grab yours earlier. I stopped here on my way to pick you up.” Dean reached over and opened the glovebox. “I got mine right here,” he waved the sealed envelope.

Cas took advantage of Dean leaning into his space to kiss him. “I will be quick.”

Dean unashamedly watched Cas walk across the road. However, once he was inside Dean didn’t have anything to distract him from the overpowering smell of 108 roses in the confined space of his Baby. It hadn’t been so bad with both their windows down while they were driving. However, sitting in stationary car, the open windows were not doing enough. Thankfully, Cas was in and out just as fast as Dean had been earlier, and already heading back to the car.

  


.oOo.

  


Dean pulled into their building’s underground garage and was surprised to see Sam walking towards Cas’ car. They had both left the condo at the same time and Dean thought Sam was on his way to his study group and would not be back tonight. He’d left with both a backpack full of books and a second bag with clothes in it. Cas asked Dean to stop when they pulled even. “Sam, if it is okay, could you please give us a hand carrying these,” he gestured to the back seat as he spoke, “upstairs?”

“Sure Cas, let me drop this off first,” Sam waved the book he was carrying. Dean shifted Baby into drive and headed back to his parking space.

With Sam it had only taken the one trip to get everything up to their condo. He of course wanted to know why there were so many roses. Dean was sure that since Sam’s bray of excitement had been let loose inside of the elevator shaft, it had echoed throughout the entire building. It was loud enough Cas flinched from the ruckus Sam made.

It hadn’t lasted and by the time they’d arrived inside, Sam turned all practical. “The Netherlands changed their laws a couple of years ago, and of course Belgium just changed their laws in June, but even if you did go there your marriage wouldn’t be legally recognized here.”

Dean pulled the last florist box out of Sam’s arms and put the arrangement of six roses on their dining table. “Sammy, enough! We don’t need to solve every problem right now.” He grabbed Sam by the elbow and steered him to the front door. “Now do you have everything? Because this is the last time I want to see you tonight.” Dean waited while Sam pulled his shoes back on. “I plan on making my husband a good meal, drink some nice wine, light a few candles, then take him to bed to show him what I can do. So if you don’t mind, piss off.”

Was it still called blushing when Sam’s face turned that particular shade of tomato red? Dean grinned as his brother made a valiant attempt to glow brighter than a lighthouse. “Eww Dean, I didn’t need to know that,” Sam spoke over his shoulder before he slammed the door behind him. Almost immediately there was knocking. Dean pulled the door open about to yell at him when Sam got in first. “I know, I know, just let me...” he grabbed Dean and pulled him further into the apartment, stopping at the edge of the carpet. Sam called out for Cas and pulled both into one of his massive moose hugs once Cas was within reach. “I’m sorry for being a wet blanket, I’m really happy for you guys. Congratulations, both of you. I really hope, one day, I find someone I can have even half of what you guys have together.”

Dean’s chest filled with warmth. “You will Sammy, you’ll find your soulmate one day, I know you will. Now get out of here. You know I hate chick flick moments.”

Sam snorted with laughter, but let them go. “You love chick flick moments.”

“Hey, stop sharing all my secrets, I have a reputation with my husband to uphold.”

“Husband?” Cas’ eyes locked with Dean’s and the temperature in the room skyrocketed. 

“Yeah Cas, husband,” Dean licked his lips, watching his lovers eyes darken with desire. “I don’t care if we have some stupid piece of paper or not, you’re it for me. To have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health. I’m yours and you are mine.” The sound of the front door closing barely registered with Dean. “For better and for worse, you’re stuck with me and I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me.”

There had been space between them. Dean didn’t know if he moved or if Cas did, but now they were in each other’s arms. Kisses sweeter than nectar were exchanged, softly, gently, and Dean could feel the thing in his chest unfurl. 

A monster had come calling all those years ago. It had taken Dean’s mother, killing her. It had left Dean’s father a shell of the man he’d been and it had set hooks in Dean’s heart. It twisted around Dean’s chest and lain dormant for most of his life, awakening only when someone or something had grown too close to Dean. Then it would roar to life, spitting fire and poison and hate at everything around him, until Dean was left alone again.

Until he’d met Cas.

Dean didn’t know how or why but the monster inside of him was quiet in Cas’ presence. Not gone, never gone, but in Cas’ arms Dean felt free. Like for once there was the possibility the monster may loosen its hold on him, that one day he could throw his head back and fill his lungs with air and the tightness would be gone. Life with Cas was a promise of new days filled with happiness and joy. Oh he knew there would be fights and arguments that would threaten to tear them apart as the monster tried to keep its grip on Dean.

Dean knew the monster was a metaphor for his own insecurities, and it was how he felt about himself that hindered his ability to connect and feel for others. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered but Cas. He was sunshine on a cloudy day, a ray of hope that burned all of Dean’s fears away. Of course, Cas wasn’t the cure, he was just a man, but he was a man who gave Dean a reason to fight his own darkness.

He could have pulled back to talk properly, instead he chose to whisper words across chapped lips. “I had a plan to cook you dinner. I was going to romance you over food and wine.”

“I like that plan,” Cas’ response was a warm breath against his own lips, neither deepening their kisses nor drawing away from them.

“Then I should probably go and start dinner,” he nibbled along Cas’ jawline, moving away from his lips for the first time.

“Yes,” hot breath whispered against Dean’s ear as he kissed his way down Cas’ throat. Was it an agreement Dean should start cooking or a moaned encouragement to continue with their current occupation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, no smutty smuts again, but Dean went and did that and it felt wrong to have sex in the same chapter.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas stood naked but for the towel slung low around his hips. Bones sharp enough to cut sliced through Dean’s ability to talk. He opened and closed his mouth twice before running his tongue around his suddenly dry mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the Fox who gave me the courage to split this last chapter in two. I can't begin to explain exactly how much her encouragement has meant to me.
> 
> * * *

Dean paced around the bedroom, checking and double checking the preparations he’d made earlier. Cas had excused himself after dinner and locked himself in the bathroom. Dean rearranged the candles on the two dressers again. They sat on plates to catch any dripping wax once they’d been lit and matching plates sat on the two bedside tables, which he’d pulled away from the bed slightly. Dean wanted to light Cas’ fire, not have the bedroom go up in flames.

He twitched at the nine roses he’d placed on Cas’ pillow. As soon as Cas had disappeared into the bathroom Dean had pulled out his laptop and started looking up meaning for roses. Cas had asked him a question and while Dean had answered, he wanted to use the same symbolism Cas used.

It was probably a little on the nose using the same roses Cas had bought, but at the time Dean hadn’t realized Cas was going to be so long. If he’d known Cas was going to be nearly an hour he would have risked running out and buying his own. Instead Dean picked the most perfect blooms he could find in the two buckets Cas bought from the wholesaler. He’d tied them in a bunch using one of the spare ribbon braids he’d made for Cas and placed them on his pillow.

Dean could hear the noise from Cas’ electric toothbrush and thought maybe that would mean Cas would be out soon. He pulled the gas lighter the sales girl at the candle shop recommended. It vaguely resembled a gun in that it had a trigger and the flame appeared at the end of a long barrel.

He started with the large, triple wick barrel candle on Cas’ bedside table then moved to the arrangement of six candles on Cas’ dresser. They were all different heights and diameters and all white with the exception of the shortest candle sitting at the front which was a deep blue, the color almost the same as Cas’ eyes. The matching grouping on Dean’s dresser contained an apple green candle. When Dean turned to move to his bedside table a flash of movement at the doorway drew his attention.

Cas stood naked but for the towel slung low around his hips. Bones sharp enough to cut sliced through Dean’s ability to talk. He opened and closed his mouth twice before running his tongue around his suddenly dry mouth.

“I should put this away,” Cas waved a plastic container Dean hadn’t noticed him carrying. He knelt on the floor in front of his bedside table and pulled the bottom drawer out.

“What’s in the box?” Dean asked, grinning.

“It is an attachment for the shower hose. I wanted to be clean,” Cas answered as he tucked the container away.

“Oh,” Dean could feel heat blooming in his cheeks as he walked to his bedside to light the matching barrel candle there. He placed the lighter in his top drawer and fidgeted with its placement, lining it up with the opened envelopes of their test results. When he turned back, Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the flowers on his pillow.

“Nine roses mean _‘together as long as we live’_ ,” Cas whispered.

“Yeah, I looked it up, I wanted to,” Dean ran his hand through his hair, letting it come to rest at the back of his neck which he rubbed without thinking, “I don’t know... say something to you with flowers. It seemed important to give you an answer in the same language you asked.”

Cas reached out and stroked the braided ribbons tying the roses together. “These are the same as the ones you tied around my wrist,” he spoke so softly Dean had to strain to hear him.

Dean reached into his top drawer and pulled out a zip-lock bag. Carrying it around the bed, he dropped to his knees in front of Cas. He looped two fingers through the bracelet he’d knotted in place on Cas, pulling it and Cas’ arm to his lips where he kissed both. “Cas, it’s just ribbon, it’s going to get worn because I tied it so it can’t be taken it off. It gets wet every night when you shower. The ocean water is going to damage it when we go to the beach over summer. Eventually it’s going to break, so I made spares.” Dean held up the bag to show Cas.

Dean let his fingers slip out of the bracelet as Cas opened the bag and pulled them out, counting them as he lay them in a line along his thigh. “You made a dozen,” he said, looking at the ten lengths of braid.

“It seemed like a good number to start with,” Dean grinned. “I have more ribbon in my locker. I bought a big spool of each color.”

Cas scooped the braids up and dropped them back in the bag. “I talked to Hannah and got the name of her tattoo artist today. I know it was presumptions of me, but I made an appointment. If you agreed to my proposal, I wanted to get your ribbon tattooed around my wrist. If that is okay?”

Dean blinked, not knowing what to think for a moment. “Cas...” he wasn’t able to say anything more as he captured his husband’s lips with his own. The bag of ribbons fell to the floor as Dean surged forward, straddling Cas’ body as he pushed him back onto the bed, his hands cupping Cas’ face, fingers running back into dark brown hair.

Who knows how long that kiss lasted. Eventually Dean dropped his head down to Cas’ shoulder, gasping for breath. He could feel the rapid movement of Cas’ chest as he too dragged air into his lungs. Hands that had been lightly resting on his shoulders moved to stroke along his back and Dean melted over Cas’ body as Cas dug his fingers into the muscles of Dean’s back. A low moan escaped as their groins aligned and the physical manifestation of their desire became apparent.

Dean rolled his hips downward and growled at the soft whimpers Cas made as he repeated the gesture again and again. “Dean please,” a broken sob brought Dean back to himself. This wasn’t the plan. He hadn’t intended on ravishing Cas tonight, there would be plenty of time for that in the future. Tonight was meant to be Dean worshiping Cas from head to toe. A soft whisper of lips, a gentle caress of fingers, the sweetest of touches, all used to show Cas how much Dean loved him.

“I got you, Honeybee,” Dean groaned as he lifted away from the pliant body beneath him. “I got you.” Dean trailed a line of kissed down the side of Cas’ throat. Sucked softly at the hollow of skin above his collar bone. Nibbled across to his shoulder, looked up and met Cas’ eyes as he laved the area over Cas’ lymph node with his tongue. Grinning as Cas squirmed. A quick bunny hop to the side put Dean over Cas’ nipple, which he brushed twice with lips closed.

Opening his mouth he breathed hot air over the rosebud. “Cas, let’s get you out of that towel and onto the bed properly,” he murmured as he ran his hands down to Cas’ hips. Lifting himself up and away, Dean smiled. “And me out of my clothes too.”

Dean pulled Cas to his feet and the towel from his body, folding it roughly as he walked over to the laundry basket and dropped it in, quickly adding his clothing as well. Heading back, he was startled when Cas started chuckling. “Something funny, Bumblebee?”

“No. I am not sure. Maybe?” Cas held his arms open and Dean stepped into his embrace. “Nerves I guess, we have been dancing around this,” he shifted his hips so that they slotted together, “for so long now that it almost seems unreal we are finally here.”

“I know what you mean,” Dean caressed Cas’ back. “It’s surreal, you naked in my arms, knowing there’s nothing to stop us. Almost don’t know what to do with you.”

“Almost?” Cas questioned.

Dean’s smile was full of promise. “Almost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Almost,” Dean repeated. He reached over and straightened the minky blanket he’d spread over the bed. “Why don’t we lie down and get comfortable?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my dearest darling Fox, thank you for all your help, for holding my hand, for being amazing. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else.
> 
> To Dean_The_princess_Winchester you've read every chapter first except for this last one, you've been with me all the way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> * * *

“Almost,” Dean repeated. He reached over and straightened the minky blanket he’d spread over the bed. “Why don’t we lie down and get comfortable?”

“Let me put these in water first.” Cas picked the roses up from his pillow.

“Already got it covered,” Dean told him as he took the roses out of Cas’ hands and dropped them into the vase he’d placed on the bedside table. He adjusted the placement slightly, making sure there was as much distance as possible between the roses and the large candle.

Cas had already slipped onto his side of the bed, leaving Dean to work out if he was going to climb onto the bed from Cas’ side, or walk around the bed to his own side and climb on from there. He’d been climbing into bed with Cas for over a week now, it shouldn’t be awkward, except it was. Dean walked around the bed and sat down on the edge. _~Why is this so awkward? Damnit Dean! Stop making things weird.~_

Dean scooted across the bed to snuggle up to Cas and, after a moment of trying to figure out how to arrange his arms, Dean ended up holding Cas much the same way as when they lay on the couch together. With that in mind, Dean kissed Cas softly, just as if it was any other night and they were curled up together watching something Dean wasn’t interested in and he was trying to distract Cas from watching as well.

As Cas returned his kisses, something clicked into place in Dean’s mind and he relaxed. There wasn’t anything here to be stressed about. It was just him and Cas. Maybe they were going to have sex tonight, maybe they weren’t, it didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was Cas, right here, right now, in his arms, responding to his kisses, knowing they had all the time in the world.

Dean deepened the kiss, letting it turn dirty, all teeth nipping and lips and tongue plunging into Cas’ warmth. He moaned and so did Dean in reply. This is what they both needed. To slow it down and let things happen naturally. Dean trailed his fingers down Cas’ body, lightly scratching with his blunt nails, tugging slightly at the hair leading from Cas’ navel to his groin. Dean used one fingertip to draw a circle around Cas’ slit, expanding outward in a spiral until the pad of his finger was pressed against Cas’ frenulum. Then Dean pushed firmly down the length of his shaft to cup Cas’ balls, feeling the weight of them in his hand.

All the time he was kissing Cas, stealing the little noises that he was creating. Dean made a loose fist at the base of Cas’ cock and worked his way up and down the considerable length. Dean’s eyes didn’t leave Cas’. They stared, but Dean didn’t care. He felt more connected to Castiel like this, and hoped Cas felt the same.

With his free hand, Dean pulled out the lube he’d placed under Cas’ pillow. It took some maneuvering but Dean was able to pour some into his fist as he worked it up and down. The coolness of the liquid caused Cas to gasp and arch his back. “I got you Cas, I promise.” He put the bottle to one side and worked his way between Cas’ legs, urging him to spread them with his knee.

Sitting back on his heels, Dean broke eye contact for the first time to look at the body spread out before him, flushed with desire, rampant in need. Dean realized he never turned the main light off, and his big plan to make love to Cas by candle light was ruined, because there was no way Dean was leaving the bed now to turn the lights off. He leaned down and swiped his tongue through the leaking mess Cas was making, wanting to taste him. One taste wasn’t enough, how could it be, but Dean knew there were things he needed to do. He grabbed his second minky blanket from the end of the bed where he’d folded it into a wedge shape, and encouraged Cas to lift his hips so Dean could place it under him.

“Cas, can I?” Dean hovered over Cas’ groin, hands kneading his inner thighs. He hadn’t said what he wanted to do, but knew Cas understood when he answered.

“Yes Dean, I am clean, I made sure to wash everything out, we do not need to worry tonight.” Cas’ voice was low and husky, honey over gravel.

Dean groaned and sank down, kissing the tendons running through Cas’ groin before settling over the dusky pink furl. Kissing and sucking, licking and nipping with his lips, he got Cas wet and loose. One hand on Cas’ cock and the other on his own, working them both in tandem, until Dean needed to be inside Cas. Letting himself go, he reached for the bottle again and added more to his fingers, easing the first in slowly.

He pumped into Cas a few times then, adding some more lube, he slid a second finger inside. Groaning again at the heat that enveloped his fingers, Cas’ soft silky walls opened beautifully as he pulled and pushed at the rings of muscle. “Dean,” Cas panted once and again, “Dean, I want to feel you.”

Dragging his eyes away from where his fingers disappeared into Cas’ body and meeting his lover’s eyes, Dean realized he’d lost that point of visual contact a while ago and was sad he had not watched Cas’ face as he slid into Cas for the first time, even if just with his fingers.

“I know, I got you.” He scissored back and forth, judging Cas could probably take a third finger.

“No Dean, now, I want to feel you now.”

Dean nodded, grabbing the bottle again and whispering sorry when Cas whimpered his displeasure as Dean removed his fingers. “Soon Cas, real soon now.” He squeezed the bottle and coated himself with it, knowing Cas wasn’t stretched enough yet, that it was going to hurt a little, but Cas kept saying ‘now’. He’d had enough of denying both of them.

He shuffled forward on his knees until he was almost pulling Cas’ hips onto his thighs. He gripped himself at the base of his cock, lined himself up to that gorgeous pucker and pressed in. Dean slowly eased his way in, eyes flicking back and forth between the two most gorgeous things he’s ever seen – Cas’ face going slack with pleasure and his own cock being swallowed by Cas’ body. Dean let himself go as he bottomed out, wiping the excess lube off his hand on the blanket.

Dean sank down over Cas, holding him close, breathing in their combined smell. “Dean, move, please Dean,” Cas begged.

“Yeah Cas, I got you, I need a minute first,” he answered, nuzzling at Cas’ ear. Cas turned his head to the side, locked eyes with Dean and through sheer force of will, and a roll of his hips, broke Dean’s control. Dean had planned on a night of slow love making, but that wasn’t going to happen. Being with Cas was like grabbing hold of a comet and praying he’d survive.

They shared kisses and muttered promises to each other, reaffirmed their profound bond and held each other close. Bodies thrust, hips rolled, sweat formed and made their skin slick, sliding across each other and the whole time Dean looked into Cas’ eyes and Cas stared back. A crescendo of emotions welled up inside Dean and when he couldn’t contain them anymore he let them spill out, telling Cas how much he meant to Dean.

“I need you,” he repeated over and over.

“You have me,” Cas answered every time.

Dean reached down between them and stroked Cas. He was so close personally, he couldn’t bear for Cas to not feel what he was feeling. “Cas,” Dean cried out as he felt Cas clamp down and spill his seed over Dean’s hand and between their bodies. Dean followed close behind, feeling milked by the clenching muscles of the man he loved.

“Dean,” the answering cry was shouted as loudly as he could have hoped for, followed a little while later with, “It’s a good thing Sam isn’t here.”

Dean laughed. “He’ll get over it, or we could buy him some noise cancelling headphones.”

“I will pick a pair up tomorrow during my lunch break.” Cas squeezed Dean’s hips between his legs. “We need to shower, I am too sweaty to be able to sleep.”

“Soon. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to have you in my arms,” Dean said as he slowly eased out of Cas’ body. He grabbed the folded blanket from under Cas’ hips and, shaking a corner loose, wiped up their combined bodily fluids. He’d take the blankets downstairs tomorrow to wash, but for now he collapsed beside Cas and tried to pull him in close to snuggle.

“Hang on,” Cas requested as he rolled away to the edge of the bed. Standing slowly, he wiggled his hips and Little Dean gave a valiant twitch. “I can still feel you.” Cas flirted, smiling at Dean as he reached blindly to turn off the overhead light, leaving only the flickering glow of the candles placed around the room. He climbed back onto the bed and gathered Dean into his arms. Burying his nose in his husband's hair, Cas spoke softly. "Honey, you're home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end and I don't want to say goodbye to these two guys. They've stolen my heart, taken me on such a ride, I'll never be the same again.


End file.
